Radical Candor? How to Make Feedback an Enabler, Not Something to Be Afraid Of

Giving and receiving feedback is sort of an art and a science. It's such an important precursor to growth, and yet most people dread it. Perhaps you've been lambasted and degraded by others, or perhaps in the past you gave someone feedback in an attempt to help them, but they took offense. Fear of the potentially negative outcomes of giving and receiving feedback is often the driving force behind feedback avoidance.

Don't let this be the case with you. Be courageous and allow feedback to empower you and those you live and work with. 

Giving Feedback

The gift of truth excels all other gifts. —Gautama Buddha

There will be moments in your career when you need to tell a hard truth. Though it’s likely to be an uncomfortable experience, and you’re unsure how your feedback will be received, it is worth it.

To distinguish this kind of thinking, you must come into these sometimes difficult conversations with a mindset of genuinely wanting to help the other person and from a place of caring and concern. If you genuinely care about a person and want to help them, but you don’t share what you feel is important, then you are withholding an opportunity for crucial development for this individual. Of course, I’m not suggesting you need to be in everyone else’s business and point out all the shortcomings of every member of your team. I’m referring to situations when you genuinely feel it’s important for you to share feedback with someone.

If a person doesn’t have the truth, then they can’t operate from reality. All of us are imperfect people that have the capacity to grow as individuals, as part of society, and as part of a team. Yet in order to do that, we need to know where we need to focus to enhance our skills and improve who we are as people. 

These difficult conversations are necessary and have far-reaching effects on everyone involved. The truth could be hard to share or to digest, but if you can approach having these conversations in a gentle, positive, supportive way, the receiver is more likely to have an open mind and take it as a learning opportunity. They can take your feedback as the gift of truth that it is.

Receiving Feedback

If you are on the receiving end of difficult feedback, take a deep breath and truly listen. It doesn't matter if this feedback is coming from someone who is your leader or even someone who you lead, it's important for you to handle it with humility and openness.

Here are a few ways you can do that.

• Consider feedback a gift. As I encouraged before regarding giving feedback, remind yourself that the feedback you’re receiving is a gift, and treat it as such. Show appreciation and thank the person for being honest and sharing the feedback with you. Indicate that you will take it seriously. You want to validate them for having the courage to share this with you.
• Get curious. Rather than just listening and accepting exactly what is shared with you, get curious and ask follow-up questions. Dive deeper into the root of the issue and what really needs to change.
• Seek for multiple perspectives. What you don't want to do here is go seeking allies who will just placate you and tell you what you want to hear. When there is something that needs to change, there are usually multiple people involved. Seek out two to three other people who are close to the situation that might be able to confirm and add more depth to your understanding of the feedback you’ve received.
• Apply the growth mindset. Remember, when you have a growth mindset, you see challenges as an opportunity to learn and grow. Maintaining a growth mindset will help you take feedback as a constructive opportunity rather than a personal slight, and can even help you encourage others to give you feedback.
• Summarize what you hear. Once you feel like you have heard what has been shared with you, summarizing the feedback can help the other person feel heard. This ensures that everyone is on the same page, and can help you come to a place of clarity about what specific actions you need to take after the conversation. Feedback is no good if it's lost in translation, so summarize it and validate your understanding.

You don't have to agree with or 100% accept every piece of feedback you receive. Different people might think you need to change in different ways, and there’s no way to please everybody. The key is to create intentions for who you want to be and how you want to operate in the world, then use feedback opportunities as a chance to help assess how you are doing at living congruently with your intentions.

Curating Psychological Safety

For knowledge work to flourish, the workplace must be one where people feel able to share their knowledge! This means sharing concerns, questions, mistakes, and half-formed ideas. —Dr. Amy Edmondson in The Fearless Organization

One of the most important factors to delivering effective feedback is creating an environment that is open and safe for the giver and receiver. If people feel they will be retaliated against if they share feedback, or have had people share feedback in ways that have been aggressive or disrespectful, the culture is one that discourages giving feedback, at the detriment of the organization.

Cultivating psychological safety may be the answer. In fact, a few years ago, Google did a large study of the most effective teams at the company and found psychological safety to be the #1 factor of team success. The researchers defined psychological safety as "an individual's perception of the consequences of taking an interpersonal risk."

Teams feel psychologically safe when:

• Team members feel connected to each other.
• People feel heard, seen, respected, and listened to. 
• If a team member tries something and it doesn't go well, they know they will be supported because they feel like people on their team care about them.
• They feel like they are able to ask for help from others.
• They feel like their unique talents and skills are utilized and valued.
• They know they can take risks.
• People feel like they can bring up tough issues.

Yep, these are all things that invite, encourage, and make feedback a positive experience for all.

Take Intentional Action

The best way to practice giving and receiving feedback is just doing it. Here’s an activity to get you started on inviting and being open to receiving feedback.

Try this:

1. Identify a person with whom you would like to improve your work or personal relationship.
2. Brainstorm three to five changes you can make to be more helpful to them. For example, you could express appreciation when they follow through on an important assignment. Or you could make an effort to be present when they are sharing important information with you.
3. Invite this person to spend 20 to 30 minutes with you. Let them know you will be asking for their honest feedback.
4. When you meet with them, start the conversation by thanking them for taking the time to talk with you. Then share the areas you believe you can improve to be more helpful to them. Ask if they agree with these items and if they would like to clarify or add anything.
5. Keep asking clarifying questions until you feel you truly understand their perspective.
6. Again, thank them for being willing to share with you, and let them know you’ll be making an effort to improve.

If you make it clear to others that you are humble, open to feedback, and serious about improving, you will create an environment where others feel safe openly sharing honest feedback with you.

Accelerate Your Progress

This newsletter is an adapted excerpt from my bestselling book, The Intentional Engineer. It was written just for intentional engineers and technology professionals like you. Go grab your own copy today at: https://amzn.to/3u6bJF2. 

The Audiobook is also available, so go grab your copy on Audible or Apple Books!

And if you want personalized coaching or training for you or your team/organization, just DM me or email me at jeff@jeff-perry.com. I’d love to help!

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