Reaching an impasse...

One of the many things that I struggled in the past was going through a difficult problem or a tricky work conflict and then - reaching an impasse. An impasse, is the inability to decide on what is the next best course of action even after going through a few rounds of discussion and pain staking analysis. In short - stalemate.

You would think that after many years working as a 'manager' that things will get easier at work because technically you would have had a lot more experience, more knowledge and wisdom and decisions can be more precise. Like a pro.

But sometimes, the story doesn't always go that way. Somewhere in my mind, I always believe that the higher we go up the ranks, the bigger the responsibility is (sometimes too much) and the decisions we have to make becomes much more complex.

No longer is it just about processes and guidelines, performance and improvement points. We also start dwelling into people related matters - preferences, groups, culture and background, sensitivities, behaviors, biasness, family problems, politics, characteristics, people's career and their life. Partner all that with having the responsibility to put on the management hat and the need needs of the organization first, sometimes you know your decisions may not be the most popular or ideal way forward. So you hold back and bite your nails.

So what next?

What do we do, if there's an impasse?

• Decide that you need more time

It's not always that we have to decide because we feel that we need to make a decision. Sometimes when I look back, I realize that I didn't really need to rush to a decision and I could have waited it out or took a different angle in problem solving / decision making. One of my former bosses always had this habit of telling me to sleep over it first, and approach it with a fresh mind. Which I thought was a good way to step out of the 'ring' and then get back into it when ready. So if ever you are pushed into that situation, don't be afraid to give yourself that time to refresh and clear your mind. The world ain't gonna end in one day so what's the rush. Of course, don't give too much time then it'll just take away any momentum you have on solving the issue. Time could also be your friend so use it wisely.

• Honesty is the best policy

Yes, you read it right. When running through a complex and sensitive problem that's hard to resolve at work, go back to basics. I've always thought that sometimes, not ALL the time, we go through conflicts because there's a hidden agenda, a behind the scene plot and something unmentioned. To get the right focus on a problem one has to be able to be up front and put all cards on the table. Problems occur when the core issues aren't properly described, discrepancies in understanding, people are in denial or unaware or even choose to ignore, and so much more. As a team lead, when dealing with conflicts we got to get the objectives right. Know exactly what we are discussing about and have a clear understanding of what the outcome can look like. And to achieve that, we should be able to be up front about things.

• Sherlock Holmes

One of the main reason that pushes us into a stalemate, is due to the inability to communicate. And like any common fight, it's always the parties involved aren't listening to each other. Like a one-way street! And I've seen that a million times. I'm so glad I took up a coaching course however I took it only a few years back and boy I wished I took that course earlier. One of the few things I've learned in coaching was the importance of active listening and the skillful art of questioning.

Active Listening is tough cause it takes up so much energy but it definitely creates that much needed focus to understand what is NOT being said. You get so much insight through practicing active listening. I didn't know I was using active listening in the past tbh. I've had that habit making people feel comfortable when they see me with a work problem - coffee, biscuit and the occasional tissue box ready on the side (if it's a teary moment). And give absolute focus on what the person has to say ie blurting out session. Most problems just go away after they have shared their grievances and didn't want things to be taken further. Just happy they got to share it.

The art of questioning. Such a simple tool to dissect and deconstruct a situation, knowing what really is the state of mind the person is, getting the person to look deeper into their situation, uncovering the real crux of the issue and moving towards a journey of self discovery. For all the coaches out there, they know what I'm talking about. Angling the right questions and pushing the boundaries of the mind, gives us clarity of thought and the potential ability to decide the next step forward, even it's by 1 small step.

• 180 Degrees

A former colleague of mine, whom I worked in Japan thought me this. To completely take a different approach when something really hasn't been working out. I used to go into a discussion using a hunch and having a game plan ready. That also includes a plan b in hand thinking I've got it all in the bag. Only to be disappointed post meeting. So my trusted colleague, was an American Japanese guy whom likened his strategy to American Football. "Rizal, you've got to have both your offence and defense play ready! Know your oppositions characteristics when they are with the ball and when they are off the ball". He would spend sometime going through the profile of the individual and do some profiling work, thinking of what to say and what to do, to get the conversation heading to a right direction. And, also a back up approach which is completely tangent to what we have planned. So when we were in for a tough discussion, we came in prepared and we knew how to change gears, and completely use a different approach when things aren't going so well.

• It's not ALWAYS about winning

I'd say the best thing I've learned about what to do when reaching an impasse, is that you can't always get what you want. And that may include giving in, take in on the chin or moving on despite not getting what we initially wanted. It's not easy and sometimes painful, but it's a clear option that we will always have. Is it crucial that we get to our objective? Yes, it is but at the same time, I realized that sometimes it's not worth the effort and despite the dissatisfaction we may feel, we just need to decide to move on. Now, I'm not saying that we give up just like that, but more like being able to take stock, taking a real look around and understand that we are taking the hit the greater good of the overall situation. To be a good winner, you need to also be a good loser. I learned a lot from situations where I had to back down, knowing that I'm able to learn more and strategize for future conflicts better. It's just a small kink in the armor and not our valor.

• Win - Win

In negotiations 101, we often hear about the win - win situation where there's a possibility where both parties can leave a tough stand off - as winners. And yes, something that we all have to learn how to do and probably gone through it before. Why I didn't put this point as the first point? Well, if we are able to get a win-win situation then it won't be an impasse 😅. But for those that are reading who aren't used to NOT getting what you want, this is one crucial approach that you can leverage on. It IS possible to have a win-win situation where all parties walk out of a negotiations happy and clear minded.

• SFM - Solution Focused Mindset

Sometimes when dealing with problems, people just focus on the bloody problem till they can't move away from it - just digging themselves into a deeper hole. I've read somewhere that if you want to be able to see the light and make the right move forward, our emphasis when dealing with a problem should be at a ratio of 20:80. Where the 20% should be on the problem and 80% on the solutions ie move forward. I've been preaching this in all my trainings that SFM is an important element of being an effective leader. It's not that we ignore the core issues, but have that emphasis on what can be done next by referring to the problem and leave that discussion with real next steps that could bring a positive forward momentum. It's as simple as - What can we do next to avoid the same problem from occurring? Who can we assign with the task to manage these changes? etc. Apart from going why why why why...to find out who is at fault (which is so demotivating and I've been through this before where hours are spent on fault finding and finger pointing). Great leaders ALWAYS focus on the next step whilst keeping a small tab on the reasons.

• Faith conquers all

My last point, could potentially be a unique point of view. I don't know. Maybe not so unique? It's about the belief that if we focus on being true, fair and earnest when dealing with difficult situations, and having faith that the world has a check and balance system that favors those who act with a clear conscience and in good faith - for the good, will always be on the winning side. And I've dealt with people who take this approach and seen how it has panned out in discussions even the really difficult ones. It does somehow work, and you let that small faith or light guide you in difficult situations.

So as a round up, when we do reach an impasse it's not the end of the world and that we do have different strategies on how to tackle a stalemate. As I probably mentioned above, it's not always smooth sailing and easy to deal with a difficult situation. But patience, being able to take stock of what's really happening and putting on different hats on can help you with managing your way around an impasse.

I hope you enjoyed reading this article and if you have any further points or tips to share when dealing with an impasse, please comment below. Thank you!

#conflict #impasse #workproblem #solutionfocusedmindset #faith #theincompleteleader