The real key to emotional intelligence: script included

Are you able to deal with the stresses and strains of your life? Ups and downs are a normal and natural part being human.

Life doesn't travel in a straight line; it's not a plateau but a series of valleys and hills. But it can be tough, especially if you feel you’ve been stuck in the valley for too long. Sometimes we just have to tell ourselves a different story whilst continuing to put one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes, we have to stop and rest.

Sally

A little while ago, I wrote a guided meditation for Sally, a young woman who had lost touch with her inner resilience. At work, she felt bullied and, at home, was experiencing marriage difficulties. Sally was beginning to crumble under the weight of her worries and got signed off from work.

She actually made fast progress as we worked together over 5 weeks using the Fusion Master Coach System and she'd started to feel much more positive and proactive but, just at the point of returning to work, she had a bit of a wobble. We started practicing meditation together.

Like a kind of gym workout for the mind, it helped to re-build her mental muscles and reconnected her with her innate resources.

Surrender

Counter-intuitively, Mindfulness meditation is not proactive. It is about surrender rather than demand. It is not about forcing things to go our way. It is relaxing into the way things are. It’s about acceptance and letting go. Rather than focus on what we want, it’s a time when we can choose to just rest in the presence of our breath, our mind and our emotions and, in doing so, we befriend our selves at a very deep level. 

Yes, there is a time for goal-setting and positive mental rehearsal. There is also a time when we need to step back and listen to our inner wisdom. Knowing what to do, and when, is the real key to emotional intelligence. Below is one of the guided meditations I wrote for Sally. It’s designed to be spoken or read slowly with periods of silence for introspection and insight.

Therapeutic suggestions are in bold as are the embedded seven pillars of mindfulness. I wrote a haiku for Sally too and that is at the end:

Mountain Meditation

Either close or half close the eyes, soft focusing on an area of floor about two feet in front of you: Begin to notice the breath, saying silently ‘I am breathing in, I am breathing out.’

As you follow the breath you might notice warmth or coolness as it passes over the upper lip

After a little while, the out breath may naturally extend as you begin to relax

Observe the breath as it moves down the diaphragm and then gently back up again

Set aside the focus on the breath and simply begin to notice the rise and fall of the abdomen allowing the attention to ride and rest where it will In your mind’s eye, bring up an image of a mountain

And, as you begin to pay attention to the mountain, you might notice its shape It may be a small, wide mountain or a tall, narrow mountain.

It doesn’t matter for, as you look more closely at the mountain, you may have a sense of it being the most beautiful, graceful and elegant mountain you have ever seen

And this mountain has a secret; it has been here since time began and the mountain has been a witness to many things

As you observe the mountain, you might notice how the sun passes over it, creating pools of light and shadow and, as the sun sets, how it is gently illuminated by the soft glow of the moon

Each day passes in this way

The mountain does not judge the day or the night, does not prefer one to the other, does not cling to the heat of the sun or the coolness of the moon, does not pull or push

The mountain appreciates both sun and moon, day and night, with a simple yet immovable presence

And, as you observe the mountain, you might notice how the green leaves on the trees, rooted in its crags and crevices, bathed in the full sun of summer, begin to redden and wither and fall to the ground

In time, autumn transitions to winter. Now snow caps the top of the mountain and cloud descends

And the mountain is silent and still with a wisdom that knows there is no need to fight the wind or repel the rain and in this way remains free from pain and free from suffering, trusting in the rhythm of the seasons and waiting to emerge, like the sun, from behind passing clouds

Like the frozen earth, caressed by the first rays of early spring sun

The mountain is patient and present to each moment

It knows there is no reason to hurry

The buds on the trees will unfold in their own time

And isn’t it amazing how you can be an observer of the mountain in all its detail, moving in close to see the crags and crevices, the buds on the trees as they emerge, the little spring flowers bursting through the warming ground

And, if you wish, you can shift in your imagination, to the other side of the mountain and see it as though seeing with new eyes, perhaps noticing how different it seems from this new perspective

And you can, if you wish, drift up into the mountain, become the mountain and have a sense of the mountain, with its solid base, like your seated base of hips and legs that extend firmly to the floor just as your spine and neck and head can extend like the lofty peaks of the mountain

And we can all be like the mountain with its patience, trust and acceptance

We can be a witness to our experience and see with new eyes

We can choose to let go of attachment and rest from striving when it's right for us

We can set judgement aside 

We can accept a winter chill

We can stay strong and steady And we can trust the sun to shine again The mountain has a secret:

The air does not breathe

Water has no mind to swim

Snow is simply snow

script pdf here

The Fusion MBMM programme  

The Fusion Mindfulness Based Mind Management Certificate is a self guided 8 week, experiential course (still £395) on completion of which you can purchase the full programme £325) to run with your 1-2-1 clients or with groups. Please note the cost of the MBMM programme is set to rise to £995 from next week.   

The 2024 Fusion Therapeutic Coaching Diploma and Master Coach programme is full but you can still access the NCFE accredited Skills Certificate at the reduced price of £455 (deductible from the cost of the Diploma should you later enrol)

THE FUSION THERAPEUTIC COACHING DIPLOMA

MASTER-COACH TRAINING  2024/25

A comprehensive 60 hour integrated coach-counselling programme led over 6 months with 12 months tutor support delivered via Zoom as small group training by leading BACP accredited psychotherapist Frances Masters

Aimed at counsellors, coaches, psychologists and wellbeing practitioners who want to safely and ethically integrate key counselling skills and advanced coaching techniques to help clients achieve fast and effective outcomes no matter where they are on the continuum of wellbeing.

On completion of the programme, learners will have:

A direct path to accreditation with the Association for Coaching to prestigious Master-Coach level

A certificate of achievement from NCFE; an awarding organisation recognised by the qualification regulators Ofqual and overseen by GOV.UK 

Access to the practitioner’s session manual with everything you need for a 5 session frame-work including assessments, work sheets, psycho educational sheets, visualisation scripts and outcome measures 

A theoretical and practical understanding of Person Centred, Cognitive Behavioural, Human Givens and Fusion Model approaches to counselling and coaching

A deep understanding of how to use a whole-person approach to your client work

A one session working model for guiding your client through pacing, turning and leading from problem- to solution-focus

The ability to harness imagery, metaphor, story and guided visualisation to dramatically accelerate client outcomes

Three advanced imaginal exposure techniques for resolution of trauma, OCD, anxiety and anger attacks

Key theories for loss and grief with pragmatic interventions for supporting and advancing clients through their grieving journey

Psycho education of the strengths and challenges of the systemising brain and how to empower your neuro-diverse client

A deep understanding of how to harness the brain’s reticular activating system to motivate, set and achieve goals

Effective strategies for communication and conflict resolution 

Enrol now  

If you have already purchased the Skills Certificate, the purchase price will be deducted from your Diploma fee. If you want to be on the waiting list for the September Diploma programme, you can contact me direct on fusionme@btinternet.com 

Podcast

I was interviewed by The Association for Coaching and you can listen to what turned out to be 1 hour training session here 

I can't help myself. Put a mic in front of me and my default position is Trainer!

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