Rediscovering Your Authentic Self After Separation

I saw my parents divorce after 25 years and thought, "I'll never do that." Yet 20 years later, there I was, ending my own 10-year marriage. We'd built a life together - a house, a business - but it wasn't working. Even though I wanted the divorce, it didn't make it easier.

I faced grief, sadness, and loss of identity. I'd invested so much in my husband, our relationship, and work that there was little room left for me. Unexpectedly, I had to pay alimony. I lost friends. I wondered, "How long will I be alone this time?"

I felt lost and like a failure. Then, I remembered the 1970s show Bionic Woman and thought, "We can rebuild her better, faster, stronger." I saw an opportunity to redesign my life, but first, I had to heal.

I went through the seven stages of grief. I mourned what was and what might have been. Would I ever have children? (Turns out, I never did.) I felt angry for feeling unheard and unseen, guilty for hurting him, yet relieved it was over.

My rediscovery began. I loved being on my own, making new friends, exploring hobbies, and rebuilding my self-image. I dove into personal development books and seminars. A new "Me" emerged - I felt like a butterfly, turning to mush in my cocoon before spreading my wings!

This journey was crucial in crafting a new, congruent identity. I created a personal blueprint, journaled, and reflected on what I wanted to change. I learned about myself because I couldn't run away from myself! I set emotional boundaries to preserve my space.

I caught my negative self-talk. Once, I stopped mid-self-criticism, realizing, "OMG! I'd never say this to my worst enemy." That clarity was a game-changer. While I'm not perfect, I'm much better at self-talk now.

My strong friend group was invaluable. They listened to my complaints, offered reassurance, and even helped me move for pizza and beer! When I couldn't believe in myself, they gave me strength.

Embracing my new identity felt good, congruent, and authentic. It was like removing layers of old paint to reveal natural wood. I loved this period of growth and becoming this new person.

A year after my divorce, I met the love of my life. We'd both been through personal development journeys and felt lucky to find each other. Twelve years in, we still love and like each other! I applied what I'd learned and promised never to make myself small again. Whoever came into my life would love the whole me or none of me. And he loves the whole me, quirks and all!

I invite you on this journey of rediscovery - an adventure with an unknown ending, but one where your growth and self-redefinition will create a beautiful outcome. You don't have to go through this alone; I can tell you from experience it's worth it. YOU are worth it!