Refined clarity in the chaos: Mental Health Matters.

Hey, friend. Let’s talk about our mental health today. 

Let’s open up about the hard topics. For me, it’s postpartum depression. Let me talk you through my journey - and what that looks like for me. I hope you feel comfortable telling me your story, too. 

I know, I know. It’s probably going through your head - the same internal dialogue I struggle with - like you’re alone in a battle in your own head. I genuinely thought opening up to my family, friends and coworkers would be the end of the world.

How could they rely on me if I am feeling broken?        

I’ll start here: today was hard for me, personally. Today was a low day - and it’s okay to recognize the high days, and the low days. Yesterday was even worse. This past week has been filled with too many events that put too much pressure on me, even more than I put on myself. 

Yesterday, I read an email wrong and ugly cried for 10 minutes. Then I shut my laptop and paced the floor trying to pull myself together. 

THIS IS OKAY. 

Today I opened up to my leadership about what I’m feeling, going through, and trying to process. The drastic thoughts - the good, the bad - all of it. And you know what she did? Supported me. Reassured me. Probably felt like popping me on the back of the head - but honestly - pulled me out of a really dark place. Being able to talk to someone is so important. 

But… The week before last, I had a panic attack on the drive to work. I sat in my car in the parking lot at work for 10-20 minutes trying to get my breathing and heart rate back under control. 

Then, I straightened my hair, redid my makeup and blamed the puffy bags under my eyes on sleeplessness. Everyone saw it written all over my face, but bless them, everyone let me tell those little white lies. 

I do a good job of juggling being a mom, having a career, navigating my masters program, being a wife and home maker, and even dedicating time to my family, friends and coworkers who need my time and support - but at some point, (and this is frequently preached to me) you have to fill your cup up first - you can’t pour from an empty cup. 

You can’t pour from an empty cup. 
- Tonia to like everyone, all the time        

I remember feeling very stir crazy by the time Grayson came into the world at 37 weeks - having been cooped up for too long inside our home on bed rest. I couldn’t wait to finally get out and do everything I felt I was missing out on - and I was thrilled to even be invited back to strategize with my team at work. I felt needed!

I think back to my first panic attack, ever - simply thinking about leaving the hospital and going home to everything in disarray because we hadn’t planned on having her so early - well - that was the start of the snowball that avalanched into postpartum depression and anxiety. I had no idea what I was feeling was anxiety settling in. Returning to work at first felt like a weight off my chest - but I jumped in too fast and realized I wasn’t ready - but it was too late. The symptoms were there and soon I couldn’t ignore them. I had to seek out help. And THAT IS OKAY.

Juggling being a mom of two and finding a routine, but trying not to show how badly I was struggling with being away from Grayson, was the hardest. During the day I longed to hold her - and at night I yearned for rest.

But I look back at going back to work THREE WEEKS after having Eloise in 2018, and I’ll tell you … these twelve weeks that the Navy Exchange blessed me with were a life changer. I bonded with both of my children in a way I can never thank my employer.

I say all of this to tell MY story and what depression looks like for me and for many other parents going back to work and struggling with leaving their children during the day. 

But there are so many more forms of depression than just postpartum depression, and it is so important to talk about those too - and to have an opportunity like I had to take those mental health days. To breathe. To communicate and heal. 

You don’t need to keep your battle a secret. Friend, if you’re struggling today - my inbox is open. I see you, I am listening to you, and I’m here for you. Let’s talk. There are people out there that want to see you on your journey. 

And by the way… #EverythingIsFigureoutable - I promise. 

Talk to someone tonight:        

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA) Helpline: 1-800-662-4357

Samaritans: 1-877-870-4673

National Hopeline Network: 1-800-442-4673

Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255

Giveanhour.org

#mentalhealthawareness #ShiftYourMindset #EverythingIsFigureoutable #PostpartumDepression #PostpartumSuppirt #SelfCareMatters #AnxietyAwareness #EmotionalWellbeing #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay #EndTheStigma #mentalhealthmatters #SafeReporting #MoreThanEverBefore