Regret-Proofing Life: Lessons From Grief and Love

As many of you know, on June 18th, my loving husband, Ned, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away in our home. This happened just two weeks before my 4 Week Vacation®, which I typically take each July. We had so many incredible plans for that time off. Plans. We try to make them, but the truth is, they don’t always—or even often—work out the way we expect.

As entrepreneurs, we make plans for our businesses, vacations, finances, retirement, and other areas of life where we want to feel in control. And while we often think we can control the story of our lives, eventually something comes along to remind us that we cannot.

Does that mean we should throw all of our goals and plans out the window? Of course not. Setting clear goals with intention is key to creating a life that feels full. While we cannot predict the future, we can do our best to what I call “regret-proofing” our lives by grounding ourselves in the present moment and acting with intention. In the coming months, I will be talking a lot more about “regret-proofing,” but here’s a short anecdote to explain what I mean by that.

About seven months ago, Ned and I had an anniversary dinner where I asked him, "If our relationship were at a ten, what would be going on?" His response surprised me—he wanted us to spend more time together, despite our already frequent date nights and trips. He suggested I take Friday afternoons off so we could just play. I cannot express how grateful I am that I not only asked that question but also took action based on Ned’s response. We started spending Friday afternoons together, doing things we loved that were meaningful to us. 

I often talk about how work should support life, not the other way around. Hustle culture puts so much pressure on us as entrepreneurs to do more and be more, and there’s a lot of guilt and shame that comes with setting boundaries around our schedules and work hours. We might hear responses like, “How committed are you to your goals if you're not willing to work 60 or 80 hours a week? If you want to achieve success, you need to be willing to sacrifice vacation, time with your family, and your health.”

For 19 years, I have run Tap the Potential on the core value of work supporting life, not the other way around. I can do this because I have a team of A-Players who take initiative, own their roles, and pick up the business when I cannot. We have systems in place to maintain a thriving business that keeps work-life balance at the heart of everything we do. This is what we teach other entrepreneurs and their teams to do so that they can create a business model that supports the life they want to live. 

Tomorrow is never guaranteed. I am more passionate than ever to continue spreading Tap the Potential’s message and teaching business owners how to leave behind the hustle-culture mindset so that you don’t find yourself lost in regret later down the road.

One last message I want to leave you with today is why I am choosing to share my journey through grief. If you’ve been a long-time follower or client, you’ve probably heard me say more than once that we should not talk about what we haven’t healed from. The truth is, I will never fully process this. I will never stop grieving the love of my life. Grief is love, and I will never stop grieving. I am owning that, and I am able to be vulnerable because I am confident in myself and the people who love me. There are a lot of people who have my back, and I’ve seen them. To be vulnerable, we have to be confident in knowing ourselves.

Ned was so proud of the work we do at Tap the Potential to help entrepreneurs and their team members take their lives back from their businesses. By sharing our story, I hope to show just how important it is to live life intentionally and fully.

About the Author

Sabrina Starling, PhD, PCC, BCC, The Business Psychologist, is the international bestselling author of the How to Hire the Best series and The 4 Week Vacation®. Keynote speaker, founder of  www.tapthepotential.com, and host of the top-ranking Profit by Design podcast, she and her team help entrepreneurs take their lives back from their businesses. They are on a mission to send 10,000 entrepreneurs on a 4 Week Vacation® in 10 years.