Reimagining The Alpha Debunking The Myth Of How To Be A “Real Man”

“Boys don’t cry.”

“Don’t show weakness.”

“Rub some dirt on it you’ll be fine.”

“Come on, Man The F — — Up!”

“Don’t be a ‘Beta’, learn to be an ‘Alpha’ and take control!”

“Man Up.” Sigh

What does that even mean?

Well, to the majority of young boys and teens growing up it meant we had to be tough all the time, show little to no sadness or fear, and hold it like a badge of honor.

Vulnerability? Get out of here with that nonsense.

As a writer I encounter this all the time.

In published notes and on social media statuses I’ve been called a “sap” more times than not expounding on how much the people I hold dear mean to me, and have also been told on long statuses to my wife that I am making other men look bad by how I expressed myself to her publicly.

Excuse me for not grunting a half hearted: “Happy Birthday/Anniversary” and handing the flowers over with a card that says: “Love Ya Bunches!”.

Yeah, I’m not about that life.

Maybe you are, and that’s ok.

But if you are doing it because of the social norm of men walking around like John Wayne or Dirty Harry while never expressing emotion, well, we need to talk.

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Exposing The Lie

Somewhere along the line there has become this stigma started that any emotion other than happiness, anger, and toughness by a man would not be tolerated socially, and I quite don’t understand why.

Vulnerability was/is frowned upon, and as we move into a different time of understanding there are still those that believe that any man who suffers internally is just “weak’ and should “suck it up”.

Men don’t need therapy after all, they just need to work harder and stop being weak.

It’s a lie, which I believe, was started by someone who suffered from these afflictions internally but instead of embracing them, decided to condemn and hide them, becoming more vocal about how it made those who showed it outwardly less of a man.

Who found a narrative that fit the description they were looking for and rolled with it.

Every fire has a point of origin, and I do believe this one has roots that are sown deep into the fabric of society, unfortunately.

It’s one that we will expose below.

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Reimagining The Alpha

In 1970, David Mech published “The Wolf”: The Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species”, and within those pages the term “Alpha” took hold.

It was determined that every pack had an “Alpha Male” who was the strongest and battled for dominance, etc.

Except later findings and research determined that was incorrect, long story short.

(The author asked that the book be taken out of publication, but to no avail, as he realized his findings were incorrect.)

It turns out that in captivity, that may indeed be the case (to which the research was conducted) on a certain level, but within the wild it was different.

The Pack consisted of a father, mother, and offspring.

With the father mostly walking behind the pack to ensure that none of his offspring was left behind.

The ‘Alpha’ is actually just a dad looking out for his family and ensuring their safety.

Nothing more, nothing less.

No testosterone charged, loud, boisterous, fighting-everyone-for-dominance wolf.

Just a Dad.

How utterly ‘Beta’, all of a sudden.

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We Can Be Better, And We Can Be More

I have a secret for you: men suffer from the same issues that women suffer from.

Insecurities, body dysmorphia, jealousies, being judged or categorized unfairly: and it affects us just the same as the opposite sex.

We are also not superior to women in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Read that again.

Sure, you will have social norms that will tell you that all I am writing above is nonsense: that the ideal man needs to takes control, show no emotion, and take what he wants from whomever he can to assert dominance and anything less is somehow deemed ‘weak’.

But I will counter that it’s not the loudest ones telling you how tough they are that you should worry about.

It’s the quiet confident ones that care for others and go about their business taking care of their own that you should not pick a fight with.

Because those individuals are truly the strong ones carrying around a weight and confidence you want no part of.

Unless of course you’d like to learn how to be a real man in today’s day and age.

Then ask away.

We’ll tell you.

Until then, stop telling your young sons to ‘Man Up’ or to be an ‘Alpha Male’.

Instead, raise them to be empathetic.

Raise them to be confident that it’s ok to show emotion.

To love hard and express it without fear of “Losing their ‘Man Card’”.

Raise them to be exceptional human beings that pay kindness forward.

That, my friends, is the true measure of a man.