A Reunion and A Heart Attack
Dear Hearts,
Life is radically illogical. I do not know who/what is coming, going. Like the constant motion of the molecules of my body, everything is moving in ways incomprehensible to my mind. Learned paradigms of lawfulness and scientific theories of physical process cannot make sense of the subatomic chaos of life. Still, I trust it is a chaos of Fine Design.
Everywhere I look this Fine Design appears as pattern in my life. It appears to me as real effects, real currents of the unpredictable, unplanned miracles of something arising from nothing. That something is peace, goodness, a way of trust sourced in acceptance. I accept the dissolving of what I have believed to be a “certain, safe, and immutable” reality and embrace the invisible, unknown Good of God.
This morning I am smack in the middle of this process, bringing fear to faith and finding quite unreasonably, I trust the unseen. My heart, my knowing is in keeping with a Reality, a constant movement of Love which cannot be analyzed by laws as we have made them but serves as omnipresent, creative order and the abiding well-being of God’s embrace.
Sebastian Blaksley called this state, unconditional trust.* In my own experience it is not merely blind and vulnerable but accompanied by unconditional conversation and direct relationship with God. This Conversation is without the imposition of judgment or past beliefs. It is a no-matter-what devotion to the Mystery of the One I call, Beloved.
The fruit of no-holds-barred conversation and unconditional trust is revelation, the knowing of Our sublime Creator in gorgeous and gleaming diversity. She/He is felt inmost and realized through relationships. An inseparable, lovable, loving identity arises from the unity of God and self. Relations with creation are then met in the queendom of my heart. which holds the Consciousness of Christ and the Reality of One Love, One Life, One God, within and without.
Unconditional Conversation is an act of devotion, a fidelity and ongoing acceptance of both God and me. As the heart reaps the fruit of this unity, the longing to live in Its magnetic presence increases. Communication becomes shared Love, banquet, wisdom, peace, LIFE! and true Company.
To have said all of that in this moment is to see Love has brought my daughter home to me for a few days of precious reunion and our attending the wedding celebration of her treasured friend. The same Love brings deeper sweetness and vulnerability in relationship with Joey, my beautiful friend, who has in this hour, been admitted to the emergency room with a failing heart. It is that story I tell, the story of unconditional trust in One Who perfectly orders every molecule and particle of our being to awe.
Ever Love,
MaryBeth
* Unconditional Trust and other unconditional expressions of love can be found in Age of the Heart and Choose Only Love by Sebastian Blaksley.
A Reunion and A Heart Attack
There is no rush, no rockets or ramparts shaking the soul to move its feet,
to hurry along this path of accomplishment.
Love knows where she goes.
What is unclear is whether I will follow.
What is unclear is whether I decide to hop from that ego ride called “my life”
into not knowing what life means.
I think of all the gifts given me,
the capacity to trust what is unknown is the greatest.
And greater yet than trust for others is the trust required to arrive at self-certainty.
Even that is not the end of the journey of perfect faith needed to wake
from allegiance to death.
Every revelation depends upon God.
Who can see the Beloved if she fears and judges that one?
Who can hear Her Voice if she doubts what pours from her wizened heart?
, Sebastian Blaksley called this unconditional trust.
As I contemplate unconditional, I think of the newborn
who does not struggle as I do with dependence upon others, upon God.
The babe hasn’t even a glimpse of doubt being yet in the rapture of spiritual arms.
The more I dare to give my every need to the unfailing Answer of every need,
the closer I come to what unconditional means.
Unconditional trust is the living destiny of a seed before the ends or means appear.
It is the daily action of a grandfather who leaves a fortune for prodigy not yet
manifest because they live within him as the Thought he loves.
Fruitful trust is the pure patience of one who lies on a drafty floor
curled into a childlike ball knowing help will come.
I believe, if you desire to truly love someone, you answer their call, you listen deeply,
emptying your ears, receiving every sound which emanates from that mouth
and feeling into the soundless.
I leaned this total attention as a mother, even as my babe labored,
not quite able to enter this world
I desired to know her completely.
Knowing completely is the destiny of unconditional trust,
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knowing in a way which is a Revelation of love.
When I first fell in love at age sixteen,
I longed to give everything
I remember how exciting it was to share my favorites:
places, music, friends, experiences and my body.
It took immense trust to touch and be touched.
The body is a colossal boundary between two hearts.
Its true purpose is not seen until it becomes abode of real love,
until its senses elevate and are lifted into the capacity to communicate,
essence to essence, heart to heart, until the body is representative of The Beloved Divine.
It has taken a bit of trust to write this
Last night, my daughter flew into Logan at 11:35.
I felt, let me cherish this short but precious visit.
At the same moment, my beautiful friend, Joey was having a heart attack.
I felt, Oh God! Let me cherish this short but precious life.
I spent the day between the love of reunion, (tears!)
and the love of a hurting friend, (tears!).
Sitting in the hospital, I did not trust there would be a space for a letter to you
but wondered.
Here I sit and from this place, perfecting faith,
transposing into knowing the sweetness of Christ’s devotion,
feeling everything flowing from knowing God is and truly Love.
In the first rays of this day, I write, trusting I will be with you tonight
but if I am again in the hospital with Joey or kissing the lids of my daughter’s Cosmic eyes,
you will know exactly what to do.
You will let the trust in you, kiss Life as you know it.
I wholeheartedly trust the Answer in us to take our part
in Love’s miraculous plan for life.
Postscript: As I was about to post the final edit of this piece, my cell ringer belted out, You Raise Me Up in Josh Groban's melodious voice. The caller said, Joey had passed in the night, about an hour after I massaged his head, kissed his brow, as we affirmed our love, saying, God be with you, feeling as I left, his extraordinary liveliness.
Our visit was a wholehearted happy celebration, a bounty of things said and shared tenderly, yet another proposal to wed and a lot of laughter about my relationship with Jesus.
I am as if on tilt, moving through time and space with a great ache, yet understanding this too was grace, which gives not in bits and pieces, not a now and then, but a flowing of the Love that gives unseen, with ways and means we cannot comprehend.
It was blessing to have had that last visit, so timely. It was grace that allowed his body freedom from limits of blindness and disease. It is grace that answers hearts pricked by loss and sows its seed in the wounded bereft. Grace is a garden of lilies now growing in an innermost place, an empty place made fertile by Joey.
What a blessing, how intensely interesting, to have the compassion and love of my daughter with me now. How uncanny her coming from Colorado at this time.
God supplies every need.
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We gather in our Course in Miracles Zoom room within the trustworthy love of Christ. You are invited.
When: Oct 3, 2024 07:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada) Register in advance for this meeting:
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
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Joseph Pizziferri will be waked (I think he was already a wakened master of waking me!) at Alfred Thomas Funeral Home, Milton, Friday, October 4 from 4 to 8 pm.. A mass will be said at 10:00 am Saturday, October 5, at St. Agatha's in Milton by Hooray! Reverend Ron Coyne, who shared many suppers and lovely conversations with