Running from Ourselves

As part of International Imposter Syndrome Awareness Day, members of the Silicon Guild have joined forces to share their thoughts on and experiences with imposter syndrome. You can read my contribution here, followed by links to six other Guild members’ essays further below.

There's an interesting (yet often overlooked) link between imposter syndrome and humans’ (in)ability to slow down. We may fear being “found out” for who we really are, so we keep running ever-faster. But in what direction?

Often, both imposter syndrome and a frenetic pace take us further from our true selves — and who we wish to become. Hence, understanding where your misplaced “need for speed” comes from and learning how to “run slower” not only help with exhaustion, burnout, and lack of focus. This also enables you to rediscover the abundance of who you already are.

So let’s back up and dig into that “need for speed” bit, and why it’s wreaking so much havoc..

Many humans today have a primal fear of slowing down. There’s the perceived fear of social stigma, disbelief, and condescension from others if we get off the fast track. There’s the potential loss of our value to society, for if we aren’t always on, then what are we?

Adding to this conundrum, the more someone takes on, the harder it can be to let go. Broadly speaking, today’s society is one of grasping: for status, wealth, and certainty of the unknown. The bigger one’s pyramid of activities and accomplishments, the bigger one’s sense of self, even if deep down that person is miserable.

The missing link of this conversation is that “getting more done” is not the same as progress, value, or worth. As philosopher Tias Little says, “From a spiritual perspective, moving fast and checking things off of a to-do list is the opposite of progress.” According to Little, we’ve become trapped in a “speed vortex” of technology, society, and expectations. We’re caught in “life’s speed lanes” rife with restlessness and frustration. Many people are actually addicted to this speed. But our jam-packed schedules don’t necessarily mean we’re growing; quite possibly, we’re running to escape from ourselves.

This speed gets trapped in the body and affects your ability to think, focus, dream, and create. It keeps you from simply being. It compromises your nerves, connective tissues, and glands. It hampers your physiology and brain chemistry. Your body keeps score while your brain tries to justify a pace that’s working against you. (Imposter syndrome on steroids, anyone?)

I had my first real glimpse of running slower after both of my parents died in a car accident when I was 20 years old. On the one hand, in the vortex of grief, it was as though time stood still. No amount of running could change what had happened. I learned first-hand the fragility of life, and the pointlessness of trying to run fast merely to please others. On the other hand, however, this tragedy was part of a more complicated puzzle — my life — and I was still running from myself. More than a decade later, even though I’d slowed down to grieve, I still lived a “fast” life: working long hours, traveling for business to twenty-plus countries each year (and for pleasure to even more), and throwing my all into everything that I could. On the outside, I was doing it all (or at least an awful lot). Yet inside, I was still wracked with anxiety. The more I achieved externally, the more anxious I felt internally. My imposter syndrome was running roughshod, even if I didn’t know what to call it yet. But I did know that my roots were thin, and that at some point they could splinter, and no amount of external (financial, professional, reputational, etc.) security or reassurances from others could break that fall.

Ultimately, I found my way to cognitive behavioral (CBT) and eye-movement (EMDR) therapies, where I discovered just how deep my anxiety and addiction to speed ran. This discovery was nothing short of life changing. Yet equally revealing is what it led me to observe in many others, in a wide variety of settings and cultures: there is an extraordinarily tight correlation between anxiety, accomplishment, and imposter syndrome.

I have been part of leadership circles in which every single person (representing a wide range of cultures) feels anxious and unable to properly address it. I regularly see (ultra) high achievers at their breaking point, who simply keep running because they don’t know what else to do — and are too frightened or too fully on autopilot to stop. Even those who are clear on their personal purpose are often addicted to speed and flirt with burnout regularly. Needless to say, this is no way to live, nor does it bode well for organizations or society to flourish. The imperative to run slower is urgent.

(Note: I did not say stop, or be lazy. Go ahead and run — but do so at a pace you can sustain for life.)

When we learn to run slower, the outcomes are better across the board: wiser decisions, less stress, greater resilience, improved health, a stronger connection with our emotions and intuition, presence, focus, and clarity of purpose. Paradoxically, slowing down actually gives us more time, which leads to less anxiety. Slowing down enhances our productivity in ways that matter and sends burnout to the dustbin. In reality, there are many kinds of growth that can come only with rest — including the ability to see the amazing you that you’ve always been.

Adapted from Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change

#NotAnImposter #IISAD2022 #ImposterSyndrome #FluxMindset #RunSlower #navigatingchange #KnowYourEnough #LITrendingTopics

No need to worry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself. ~ Virginia Woolf

Check out what other members of the Silicon Guild have to say about Imposter Syndrome

How I Overcame My Imposter Syndrome, by Scott Anthony

Scott describes how he learned to be comfortable with discomfort and balance confidence in his abilities with a foundational humility.

I don’t have imposter syndrome…That’s what I said. by Whitney Johnson

Whitney shares how achieving one of her field’s highest honors caused her to feel like an imposter for the first time in her life, and how she learned to do what she needed to do to be what others thought she could be.

Imposter Syndrome: If you can’t beat it…Stuart Smalley it! by Alison Levine

Alison describes a time when someone told her, “You have no business being here,” and why continuing onward even when you feel like an imposter gives you the chance to decide for yourself whether or not you’re worthy.

Mind Your Introductions! by Rita McGrath

Rita explains how society contributes to imposter syndrome, and how you can be a better ally to the people around you, especially when they don’t belong to the majority group.

The Two Types of Imposter Syndrome, and How to Harness it for Good, by Caroline Webb

Caroline writes about how becoming a famous author triggered her imposter syndrome, and how learning to focus on measuring herself against herself let her transform her imposter feelings into a motivational tool.

Five Ways To Inoculate Yourself Against Imposter Syndrome, by Chris Yeh

Chris confesses to not feeling imposter syndrome, and shares the five actions he takes to boost his psychological immune system against the ever-present danger of these feelings.