The 'Should' Trap: Imane Khelif and Society's Misguided Expectations

Recently, the world has been watching the story of Imane Khelif unfold, a powerful example of how societal 'shoulds' can distort reality and propagate harmful lies. Khelif, a strong and accomplished athlete, has faced an onslaught of misinformation and rumors online, with some falsely claiming that she is a transgender woman or even a man. These baseless claims arise from the misguided belief about what a woman 'should' look like. 

The Power of 'Should'

When I began reflecting on the 'shoulds' cast on me, it became clear how pervasive and limiting they are. Society has a way of dictating what women should do, how they should act, and, most insidiously, how they should look. This is not a new phenomenon, but the digital age has amplified the spread of these harmful stereotypes and expectations.

Imane Khelif: A Case Study

Imane Khelif is an exceptional athlete who has worked tirelessly to achieve her success. Instead of celebrating her accomplishments, some have chosen to focus on her appearance, using it as a basis to question her gender. The notion that a strong, muscular woman cannot be 'truly' female is not only absurd but also deeply rooted in misogynistic and outdated views.

The Spread of Lies

The lies about Khelif being transgender or a man stem from a narrow-minded perspective of femininity. These rumors are not just about one individual; they are symptomatic of a broader issue where women are constantly judged and scrutinized based on arbitrary and superficial standards. It's a harsh reminder that despite progress, the 'shoulds' still strangle societal perceptions.

The world owes Imane Khelif so much for what it's done to her, but even a lifetime won't be enough to make up for the damage inflicted in such a short time at the Olympics. This incredible woman, who has worked tirelessly to achieve her success, deserves to be celebrated for her strength and accomplishments. Instead, she faces an onslaught of misinformation and ridicule simply because she doesn't fit a narrow, outdated idea of what a woman 'should' look like. It makes me sick, disgusted, and disappointed in society for failing her so profoundly.

The 'Should' of Appearance

Society often dictates how a woman should look, which extends beyond just athleticism. For instance, the notion that a woman with short hair is more likely to be perceived as a lesbian is incredibly harmful. This stereotype affects many women, including my lesbian friends, who have considered keeping their hair longer to avoid being pigeonholed. Even a cisgender friend of mine expressed concern after cutting her hair very short, worried that she might look like a lesbian. This is problematic for two reasons: why do we continue to believe that long hair is feminine and short hair makes a woman less feminine? And secondly, what is wrong with being perceived as a lesbian? Oh my god, we have so much work to do.

I have often considered cutting my hair short because it would be different, but I'm tired of the extra toll and time it takes to manage longer hair. This summer, I transitioned to allowing my hair to go natural, embracing my curls, and avoiding hair drying and flat ironing. That change alone caused me concern about how I might be perceived due to my curls not being considered "professional." And this is just about hair—not even touching on whether I have any other outward components that might make me appear less traditionally feminine according to society's misogynistic expectations. I'm so over all of it. The constant expectation to maintain a specific appearance is exhausting. It's as if our whole purpose is to be visually appealing to others. Seriously, when is enough enough? 

Challenging the 'Shoulds'

Challenging these 'shoulds' and recognizing the diversity of women's bodies and abilities is crucial. Women like Khelif should be celebrated for their achievements and strength, not subjected to ridicule and falsehoods because they do not fit the traditional mold we’ve been told and sold. The expectation that women should look a certain way is a damaging narrative that needs to be dismantled.

To move forward, we must foster a culture that values women for who they are, not what they look like. This involves:

1. Educating Ourselves and Others: We must understand the harmful impact of these stereotypes and educate others about the diversity of women's appearances and capabilities.
2. Supporting Women: Standing up for women like Khelif who face unjust scrutiny and promoting their stories and achievements.
3. Redefining Femininity: Embracing a broader definition of femininity that includes strength, resilience, and individuality.

Imane Khelif's story is a powerful reminder of the work that still needs to be done in challenging societal 'shoulds.' This might include you beginning with recognizing and releasing a societal should about yourself.

What is one thing you can do right now to help celebrate women for their strength, achievements, and unique identities?

Today, August 9th, at approximately 4:50 pm EST, Imane Khelif will be in the Olympics gold medal fight. Tune in to watch this remarkable woman and show your support for her. Celebrate her strength and her perseverance. Stand behind her as she represents her sport and the fight against harmful societal 'shoulds' that have tried to undermine her. Support her for who she is: a powerful, inspiring woman who deserves our admiration and respect.