Significance of Emotion Management (Part 2)

 Managing our emotions begins with the mindful shift of reactive responses to deliberate responses based on the desirable state of mind we wish to be in. It is also making a conscious behavioural change to shift from negative emotions to positive feelings that will ensure the calmness of mind and capacity to think purposefully without allowing emotions to affect judgment. One of the most straightforward strategies to manage emotions is to express them positively. It's not easy, but it is possible with conscious efforts. Our non-verbal capacity begins with the attempt to smile. A smile is an excellent non-verbal communication strategy to help us face unexpected and undeserved mild animosity.

Years ago, during my years as a part-time volunteer in a school for people of determination, the school receptionist used to initially greet me expressionlessly. I was conscious of the lack of warmth in her gaze, but I used to smile and greet her with a "Good Morning", sometimes even with a "How are you today?". To which she would respond with a lustreless response. Weeks later, her disinterested greeting continued, and I was bemused at the same time. I wondered about the reason for her communication style. I decided to make an effort to "break the ice" if possible.

One day, instead of greeting her, I asked her how she was and about her family. She appeared surprised, and a small glimmer of a smile appeared, though the eyes conveyed little expression. For the next few days, I decided to smile at the lady as I entered the school. She slowly changed her expressionless demeanour to that of a polite recognition. The recognition progressed to friendliness reserved for one who comes and greets regularly, and she began to respond to my greetings warmly.

We never progressed our communication beyond the greetings, which was fine, but that incident taught me another factor in our smile's impact on a situation. A smile is the most straightforward non-verbal communication, communicating far more information than we may even intend. It can ensure that the intended recipient is happy (in most cases). Still, more importantly, it creates, more often than not, a connection that evokes a positive and happy feeling in the person who smiles. A smile can also evoke empathy, as in my case, my indirect concern and desire to create at least a basic affability with the receptionist I regularly meet when I enter the institution's portals.

 Another simple mechanism to manage our emotions more effectively is an awareness of our breath. Our breathing plays a crucial impact in the management of our emotions. Taking deep breaths during moments of crisis, physical or emotional pain or even anger can help calm our state of mind. A few years ago, when my Dad was critically ill from 4th-stage cancer and despite my research and countless enquiries with medical professionals, I was told that there was no way he could recover.

Each day, I would see him physically deteriorating, but his steely and cheerful ability to be hopeful of recovering remained undiminished till two days before his demise. His optimism and tenacity were sources of admiration as much as they saddened me. It immensely pained me because I struggled each day to smile brightly and give him hope. I knew it would hurt him even more if he saw me in tears, and it also may have made him suspect that he was fighting a losing battle, which was something I could not allow to happen. Even when he struggled to breathe (he had lung cancer), he would tenderly smile and tell me, while gasping for breath, to enquire with those he knew had recovered from severe lung ailments.

 I found the emotional pain of being cheerful even more challenging when, one day, he disappointedly asked me in the I.C.U. why no medicines were being given to him and that he was merely being cared for by the medical staff. Like when he had enjoyed good health, Dad continued to be brave, sharp and observant despite the cancer ravaging him. He soon became aware that the medical staff seemed to just about make him comfortable in his hospital bed, with merely vitamins and fluids periodically administered to keep him alive. He was unfortunately correct; I could observe the stoicism in the treatment he, as a patient, received after his death seemed inevitable. There was an unmistakable air of coldness and inevitability (perhaps unconscious) in how a couple of doctors treated him, so much so that I requested one doctor to treat him with more care and dignity rather than treat him as a patient they had no hope would survive beyond a few days.

Each time tears threatened to appear, I would take a few breaths and look away momentarily to recover from the intense distress that seemed to overcome my composure. Yet, looking back, holding my emotions (as much as possible) in check in the presence of my father had undeniably helped in at least making him feel as loved as possible since that was the only form of support, reassurance and comfort I could give him before he passed away.

 Another strategy to manage our emotions is through movement. Regular exercise is required for self-care, and during situations that threaten our emotional state, a walk or any stretch of our limbs enables us to have a more calm state of mind. Hence, apart from the apparent need for exercise during a routine desk job, a brisk walk for a few minutes helps and aids in emotion management. A brisk walk or movement of the limbs also reduces the monotony experienced during long periods of a stagnant posture.

 Emotion management ideally is an awareness of what we feel, making attempts to comprehend our body's discomfort as a source of communication of the stress and anxiety we are experiencing. It is also a compassionate, mindful and deliberate respect for our mental and physical well-being as much as it is in managing our emotions to make our decisions, responses and actions to environmental challenges as effectively and with composure as possible.