So, how was your maternity leave?

Monday was my first day back at work after a year’s maternity leave. It felt very odd turning off the longest running Out of Office message I’ve ever set and daunting to be back in the world of work, particularly during a global pandemic. Having been a pretty active member of LinkedIn before having a baby, and having logged in from time to time during leave to stay connected to the world outside of babies, I’ve been thinking about what I’d like my first post to be after returning to work. It ended up being an invite to a webinar on improving operational compliance - relevant for the current pandemic we’re in, but not quite what I pictured!

I haven’t had a eureka moment of one big idea I could share, but I have been reflecting on my personal experience of a year looking after my son, Henry. Whilst millions (or maybe billions) of people have had children before me, I struggled to find much information about what leaving work to have a child might really be like, so I thought I’d share my own perspectives in case these are useful to even one other person.

I’m conscious that there are many different family set ups in society and challenges associated with becoming a parent. I’m only talking about my own experience here and it is not my intention to alienate anyone who has a different experience to me.

So, here goes…

This is the most important and meaningful role I’ll have

Becoming pregnant, being pregnant and maternity leave have involved many tough and emotionally draining times, but I’m so happy I’ve been lucky enough to have a child. Being a parent is definitely the most important role I’ll have in my life. It’s changed my perspective on what’s important to me, what I value the most and the type of world I want to see Henry grow up in, all of which will have a positive impact on the way I return to work and how I engage with customers and colleagues.

It’s the time I’ve felt the most self-doubt in my life so far

No amount of training, research or preparation can prepare you fully for your new role as a parent. Henry didn’t help the situation by arriving 7 weeks early; I didn’t even have a hospital bag packed when I found myself sitting in the maternity ward with my husband at 3am one Monday morning! Admittedly, 7 months’ pregnant is a bit late to be worrying about whether you’re capable of raising a human being, but that’s what happened to me. Thoughts about whether I’m doing things right and if I’m a good parent have been a constant part of the last year (and I’m sure many years to come). There is no new starter induction for parenthood, but I’ve survived being thrown in at the deep end, so I know I can take on new challenges at work, even if I don’t have all the answers to begin with.

An ability to sort through information and decide what is relevant is key

There are so many opinions out there on what you should / shouldn’t do. It starts in pregnancy with all those unsolicited personal stories people choose to share about their experiences and definitely doesn’t stop after your baby arrives. Some advice has been useful, but the vast majority has been contradictory or confusing. Whilst I’m positive most people are well meaning, I think we could all do better at being more considerate in what we choose to share with people about to go through an incredibly personal journey.

It can be really isolating

I am a total extrovert, love meeting new people and thrive in group settings, so being home alone with a baby was a big shock to the system for me. The first 3 months were the hardest when it’s difficult to get out the house in between the constant feeding / nappy changing. I really wasn’t keen on the idea of singing nursery rhymes at baby groups, but thank goodness I did it anyway as I’ve now formed a new network of fabulous Mums and Dads who I know will be friends for a long time. I think there could be a lot more support offered to expectant mothers to prepare for this change and proactive sharing of information on where support is available if the isolation gets too much. And whilst not everyone might want this, I was so glad that some of my closest colleagues stayed in touch on a personal level whilst I was off so I could feel some connection to the job I was going to return to after maternity leave.

We have a long way to go with sharing parenting responsibilities

In my opinion, most Dads are missing out on the opportunity to spend quality time with their children when they’re small and children would really benefit from spending time with both parents (when there are two parents in the family). I can count on one hand the number of Dads I’ve seen at baby groups and I really wish it were more ‘normal’ and a lot easier for Dads to be looking after small children. Plus, if we really want to make a difference as a society to female representation in the workplace, the percentage of senior female executives and the gender pay gap, we need to look much more closely at how we make the sharing of parental responsibilities simpler and more commonplace. I am lucky that my husband chose to take time off work during my maternity leave to job share with me and I’m incredibly proud of him for deciding to be a full time Dad for a while now I’m back at work. I hope he inspires more Dads to do the same.

My sense of achievement needed a different lens

I hadn’t realised how important the achievements I make at work are to me until I didn’t have them anymore. Helping customers achieve their goals, hitting sales targets and mentoring others are all things I value more than I thought I did. There were many days where I’ve felt extremely frustrated by how little I’ve managed to achieve, and I’ve had to learn to reframe what I classify as an achievement to stay sane. By acknowledging that looking after Henry for the day and seeing him grow is an achievement, even if the dishwasher is only half unloaded, I’ve been much happier than berating myself for not achieving anything. But I’m definitely looking forward to being back at work to enjoy a different type of achievement!

I hope sharing my personal experience will resonate with a number of people in my network and will contribute in some small way to the really important conversations about what companies can do to support parents on leave.

In the next few weeks, I think I'll write, 'So, how was returning to work in a global pandemic after a year off?'.