Sparkles

"Our Sparkles engagement ring is a work of art in jewelry design. The 1-carat diamond has a distinctive flower cut with 73 facets, resulting in exceptional radiance. It’s surrounded by a stunning, sleek halo of smaller diamonds that form a shimmering web. Its beauty is enhanced by a 14-carat classic white gold band. This ring embodies love and passion. It's opulent and classic. I'm sure the lucky lady will fall in love with its classic style," the jewelry store owner says, expertly emphasizing any and all words that convey a sense of uniqueness.

Eddie takes the small black box containing the gleaming gem and adjusts his glasses to get a better look at it. He's dressed in brown corduroy pants, a loose black T-shirt with a Metallica logo on the front, and musk-green casual loafers. He's had a blowout haircut for a few years now as he believes it gives him an effortless and relaxed look. He sighs as he examines the magnificent piece in his hands. Covering the 2,500-dollar price tag will be difficult for a 33-year-old self-taught web developer living off of small projects here and there. But Eddie is under tremendous pressure from those around him to spare no expense on anything related to the new life he’s about to embark on, not just the engagement ring. "Go on a lavish honeymoon, buy a house in the suburbs, get a minivan, study an MBA, start a side business,” they say. He wants to succeed alongside his soon-to-be wife, but the pressure from others is causing him to suffocate.

Molly, Eddie's fiancée, is trying on wedding gowns on the other side of town. However, the 29-year-old registered nurse is not having a good time. Her healthy, average-looking body, in her opinion, is too short and too big to fit into the dress size she desires. Not only that, but she believes her skin is as white as the pristine bridal dresses she’s discarding. "Oh my God... I have to start eating healthier! I also need to get into a tanning bed as soon as I leave here," she thinks to herself.

The store assistant appears with a pair of shoes for Molly to try on. “No, no. Please bring me the ones with the high heels and big platforms. I don't care if I break a leg, but that day I'll look as tall as a runway model," she says. Molly has always held herself to high standards, but the amount of pressure she has placed on herself as a result of the wedding is noteworthy. And it's not just about her appearance; having children, managing her hectic schedule, and getting along with her future in-laws are all additional pressures she's put on herself.

Do you ever feel as if you're being consumed by pressure, both physically and mentally? Do you ever wish you could run away from it? Do you fantasize about flourishing in a stressful environment but are unsure if it’s even possible? If this is the case, you’re not alone. According to a 2022 study conducted by the American Psychological Association, 76% of adults report feeling stressed. When we think of pressure, we usually associate it with external factors such as bosses, peers, partners, family, and friends. In other words, factors over which we have little control most of the time. But not all pressure is external. Each Mind emphasizes that internal pressures are linked to feelings and mindsets. Stressors include unrealistic expectations, an all-or-nothing attitude, the need to always be perfect, and emotions that one is not used to feeling. They are much more difficult to identify and are sometimes confused with optimism and other "nice to have" characteristics.

Although internal and external stressors are distinct, they both have a negative impact on our health. According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic stress caused by life pressures keeps the body on guard at all times. Long periods of muscle tension can cause musculoskeletal disorders, exacerbate breathing problems, cause migraines, and increase the risk of hypertension, heart attack, or stroke. Stress can affect brain-gut communication, the proper functioning of the immune and autonomic nervous systems, and severely hinder our mental health. The Red Cross emphasizes that stress has a psychological impact that can manifest as irritability or aggression, a sense of loss of control, insomnia, fatigue or exhaustion, sadness, poor concentration, memory problems, and other symptoms. Stress can also lead to serious issues such as depression, anxiety, and burnout.

Ben Ramalingam points out in Upshift that feeling like shutting down and escaping when under stress is a completely natural response. Downshifting is a term used by brain scientists to describe the protective, neurological dampening that occurs when we are threatened, moving our thinking from the cognitive, reflective, creative parts of our brain to the more primitive areas geared toward survival. The opposite extreme is also inconvenient, as too little stress and pressure cause us to become disengaged, discouraged, and unfulfilled. We suffer from boredom, apathy, and a lack of motivation. In fact, a lack of stimulation and productive stress reduces our mental and biological well-being and lowers our peak performance. This is the point at which we stop learning and growing.

Ramalingam believes that we approach the sweet spot when we perceive a stressful situation as a challenge rather than a threat, and when we shift into higher cognitive processing regions of the brain that facilitate novel ideas, associations, relationships, and solutions. In other words, when we move into upshifting. This is accomplished by developing a mentality that reframes stress and pressure, remaining open to originality and novel approaches, and pursuing goals with a renewed sense of purpose.

We can upshift our mentality by looking into cognitive reframing. According to Verywell Mind, it’s a time-honored, psychologist-recommended method of viewing things in ways that reduce stress and promote a greater sense of peace and control. The first step in reframing is to become more aware of some of the negative thinking patterns that can significantly increase our stress levels. The next phase is to recognize when we are slipping into overly negative and stress-inducing thought patterns. Examining the truth and accuracy (or lack thereof) of our negative thoughts as we notice them is an effective part of reframing. Finally, changing our self-talk to see a stressful situation as a challenge rather than a threat can help us see our stressors as being on the more positive side of reality.

To foster our originality, Adam Grant, professor of management and psychology at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School, suggests six practical secrets, three of which I highlight. First, have a lot of ideas rather than just a few big ones. We tend to be smitten by our first ideas, which are usually the most obvious. But, in order to get to the novel, we must first rule out the familiar. Second, avoid groupthink because it leads to a variety of poor decisions. We should find someone who genuinely disagrees with us and invite them to the table. Finally, learn to procrastinate wisely. When used correctly, procrastination can aid in divergent thinking, incubation, and nonlinear connections.

Finally, to engage in the stressful environment with a higher sense of purpose, bestselling author Jack Canfield highlights 10 steps to get a strong sense of what's most important to us in life, such as exploring the things we love to do, asking ourselves what qualities we enjoy expressing the most, and prioritizing our own needs. Creating a Life Purpose Statement is one that I believe is especially important for dealing with stress. Canfield suggests that we take a moment to imagine our ideal future. Then, combine our characteristics and how we enjoy expressing them with our vision of the reality we wish to create.

But wait. I believe most of us want to thrive under pressure rather than just manage it. In their book High Performance, Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes highlight three steps toward developing a high-performance mindset in a stressful environment. The first step is to accept complete responsibility for ourselves. We accomplish this by focusing our time and attention on the elements that we can control, focusing on the issue at hand rather than overgeneralizing, and accepting responsibility when we make mistakes. When we realize that how we react to pressure is entirely up to us, we are more likely to persevere in the face of adversity—and, along the way, more likely to discover new ways to navigate the path to success. This is referred to as high self-efficacy. Evidence suggests that having a high sense of self-efficacy increases our chances of success and happiness.

The second step is to become motivated. External rewards, such as money, fame, or praise, drive external motivation. However, they only serve to motivate people in the short term. Internal motivation, on the other hand, stems from an activity's inner satisfaction, with no external rewards required. It results from aligning our behavior with our values, having control over what we do, and feeling like we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. This is why we can keep it going for a longer period of time.

The third and final step toward developing a high-performance mindset according to Humphrey and Hughes is managing our emotions. The human brain is vulnerable to panic. But it doesn't have to be that way. We can keep our emotional brain from taking over our rational brain. The goal is not to suppress our emotions but to respond to them rationally. When we feel overwhelmed by a situation, we should first determine what’s actually expected of us. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, "Is this really as difficult as I'm making it out to be?" We should also remind ourselves of our abilities: “What skills do I have that can help me deal with this?” And we should reflect on what's at stake: "How much does it really matter?"

We're taught that pressure turns carbon into diamonds. What we never hear is that a certain amount of pressure is required to fully bring diamonds to life. Too little allows the mineral to remain undisturbed. And too much of it causes it to evaporate. Actually, it’s only at around 50,000 times the surface pressure of the Earth that carbon atoms combine to form crystals. This is the sweet spot for diamonds. Thriving under stress begins with making sure that the pressure you are subjected to from others and yourself allows you to transform from carbon to diamond. Reframing threats as opportunities, managing emotions, and pursuing your purpose will all help you on your journey. And don't worry about not knowing when you've hit your sweet spot; you'll be able to tell by noticing the sparkles in your eyes.

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. May 20, 2023.

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