Stand Out: The Non-Negotiables of Executive Presence

Years ago, I gave a workshop to a group of new leaders.  We spent a day together practicing how to present more effectively.  In spite of having facilitated hundreds of these types of workshops over the years, this one was different.  As we closed the workshop, all 20 of the participants spontaneously jumped to their feet and gave me a standing ovation – whoops, cheers and all.   

It felt…glittery and I wanted more.  I asked myself, “what was so different about this class?” Even more to the point, “what was so different about me?” 

These types of experiences don’t have to be an anomaly.  We can create more remarkable experiences for ourselves and others by using the 3 C’s of Executive Presence:  

1. Context.  Each “room” you enter has its own culture – a set of unspoken norms, such as who commands the room, who gets ignored, how formal or informal is it, what kind of topics are off-limit?  Those who are practiced can tune into the room and adapt their communication within minutes. When you have a strong situational awareness, it gives those in positions of authority the confidence that they can put you in any circumstance and trust that you can handle yourself.   
2. Congruence.  When your words are aligned with your body language and tone of voice, there is alignment or congruence.  It creates trust.  Without it, others notice that something seems “off.”  Here is a simple example.  A project ends and you tell your co-worker that you loved working with them.  The truth is you hated every minute of it.  That lack of internal and external congruence is going to “seep out.”  It is one of the most powerful tools in coaching.  I pay attention not just to the words a client uses, but also how it aligns with their voice and body language.  It gives me clues about “the real story.” 
3. Connection.  Executive presence is about the experience you give others.  The poet Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I worked with a CEO of a public company who was strategic, results-focused and decisive. That wasn’t what made others feel a personal loyalty to him.  He was present with others. He asked questions.  He listened.  He remembered small details of their lives.  As CEO he had positional power, but he also exhibited what I call The Paradox of Executive Presence.  The more you listen, the more that others listen to you. 

Experiment:

Pick your experiment this week by choosing one important meeting and prepping in one of the following 3 ways: 

Context:  Imagine you are a cultural anthropologist observing a tribe.  Ask yourself, “Who are the heroes? What behaviors get rewarded?  What is considered taboo?  Who is the head of this tribe?  What is my role? What are the unspoken boundaries of my role?  How do others challenge the boundaries? 

Congruence:  Write down what you want to say in the meeting.  Say it in a mirror.  What do you notice about your natural facial expressions?  Do you frown when you’re serious?  Is a smile your go-to?  Is there a lack of expression?  Now practice saying the same thing with a more intentional expression.  For example, if you are talking about serious risk and smiling, that is incongruent.  What would be a more appropriate expression? 

Connection:  Turn off all notifications, put your phone out of sight and sideline all distractions. Focus your attention on listening.  What did it change about how you showed up in the meeting?  What did you notice about others in the meeting?  How did it increase your connection?