Stop Running from Conflict: It’s Hurting Your Team

Stop Running from Conflict: It’s Hurting Your Team

I used to dread conflict. Growing up in school, I was taught that disagreements were something to avoid at all costs. As I got older whether it was at school, work, or even in personal relationships, I instinctively pulled back when I sensed a clash. I convinced myself that if I stayed quiet or avoided confrontation, everything would smooth itself out. But over time, I realized something important: running from conflict isn’t helping anyone, least of all me.

Professionally, avoiding conflict can have a detrimental effect on the team dynamics, trust, and ultimately, the outcomes of any project. When handled properly, conflict can be a powerful force for growth, understanding, and better decision-making.

Why We Run from Conflict

Most of us avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable and messy. I’ve been there, staying quiet and hoping the issue will resolve itself. The truth is, ignoring conflict only makes it worse. It's easier to stay quiet, pretend everything is fine, and avoid the potential awkwardness that comes with difficult and hard conversations. However, here’s the problem: the conflict doesn’t go away just because we ignore it.

Think about it, have you ever let a small issue fester? Then it blows up later? I have, and in my experience, the longer you let a problem simmer, the worse it gets. And as a leader, if you aren’t addressing conflict, you’re signaling to your team that it’s not safe to be open and honest. It’s like telling them, "We don’t discuss things that matter here."

The Cost of Avoiding Conflict

Let me share an example from a project I led years ago. We were implementing a new electronic health record (EHR) system in a healthcare organization. The project team was diverse, with people from IT, clinical, and administrative backgrounds. We were facing several technical issues that needed to be addressed urgently. But instead of tackling the problems head-on, some team members tiptoed around the subject, afraid to make waves or upset others.

I thought I was being diplomatic, but all I did was prolong the frustration. The lack of communication caused tension, and the issues only became more complicated. We had delays, mistakes were made, and morale took a hit. The turning point came when I decided to step up and have uncomfortable conversations. Once we addressed the issues directly, things started to shift. We began collaborating more effectively, and the team felt more empowered.

Avoiding conflict may seem like the easier path, but the consequences of ignoring it can be far more damaging. Missed deadlines, decreased morale, and even burnout are just a few of the potential costs.

How Conflict Can Actually Help

So, what if instead of running from conflict, we leaned into it? What if we viewed conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than something to fear? I can tell you from my experience, addressing conflict can lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.

When approached constructively, conflict can:

• Enhance problem-solving: Different perspectives often spark ideas. When team members are allowed to challenge each other respectfully, solutions are more creative.
• Improve trust: Conflict, when handled with respect and empathy, actually strengthens trust. Team members feel heard, valued, and safe to share their ideas and concerns. 
• Drive better decision-making: Sometimes the best decisions come after a debate. When you invite constructive disagreement, you gather all the facts, explore different viewpoints, and make a more informed decision.

How to Handle Conflict

I won’t lie, dealing with conflict is tough. It takes practice, and it’s something I continue to work on. But here’s what I’ve learned that helps make those conversations more productive:

1. Stay calm: The first step is to stay grounded. I’ve learned that when I remain calm, my team tends to mirror my behavior. 
2. Be empathetic: When we are empathetic and listen, the other person feels heard and understood. This makes it easier to find common ground.
3. Address the issue, not the person: One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made is letting my frustration with the issue turn into frustration with the person. This only escalates things. I’ve found it’s much more effective to focus on solving the problem, rather than making it personal.
4. Set clear expectations: When you approach conflict with clear expectations, it gives everyone a framework for how to resolve the issue. Be honest about what needs to change and why, but do so in a way that promotes collaboration.
5. Follow up: Conflict resolution doesn’t end when the conversation is over. I’ve learned to follow up on the action items and check in with team members afterward to ensure things are moving in the right direction. 

Wrapping Up

As leaders, we have to set the tone for how conflict is handled within our teams. By facing it head-on, we not only improve our team's dynamics, but we also model behavior that encourages open communication and trust. It's time to stop running from conflict. Instead, let’s lean into it, learn from it, and use it to propel our teams forward.

So, I challenge you, the next time you sense a conflict brewing, don’t avoid it. Embrace the opportunity to make your team stronger. Trust me, the results will be worth it.

If you're looking to strengthen your conflict management skills, I encourage you to explore the Maxwell DISC assessment. Gaining a deeper understanding of your communication and leadership styles can help you identify blind spots and improve how you navigate conflict, leading to more harmonious and effective team dynamics.

Interested in more leadership insights? Check out these related articles:

• The MisUsed Project Managers: Stop Undervaluing Their Leadership

• Are You Leading or Holding a Title?

• Blind Spots: Why Jumping to Conclusions Can Cost You

Ready to transform your project management approach? Contact us today for a consultation and discover how The Virtual PM can help you succeed, visit The Virtual PM. Explore our digital library for a wealth of resources and tools designed to help you implement and maximize the impact of fractional roles in your organization. Don't miss out on this opportunity to enhance your project outcomes and drive success!