Supporting Parents of LGBTQ+ Kiddos at Your Workplace is a Win for Everyone #7ReasonsWhy

Many of you know me, as a vocal immigrant pediatrician. Some know me as an entrepreneur and life coach, and youth advocate, and even fewer of you know that I am an activist for all things LGBTQ+ youth suicide prevention. But many of you do not know the reason I do what I do. So, lemme help ya out.

Nearly 2 yr ago, I decided to work with parents of queer kiddos whom I fondly refer to as POQKs, because I accidentally discovered that not only was my first child gender-diverse (we went from "assigned male at birth" to "non-binary", to "transgender"), but many of the suicidal youth that I cared for in my former clinic were also members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Like many of you reading this, even as a queer person myself, I wasn't always fully on board with the entire gender diversity bit of the community. And like the LGBTQ+ persons among you, I struggled immensely with internalized homophobia and transphobia.

This caused my child a lot of distress.

As a parent, too many emotions ruled the day for me, stemming mainly from the thoughts that I had about the transgender community and the external reactions that I internalized from the world around me. To this day, the large majority of my own family members still do not affirm my child, and for the most part, that topic is hardly mentioned.

In my nuclear family, I have been met with so much homophobia and transphobia that I recently made the decision to separate myself from them on many levels. For the POQKs reading this piece and experiencing similar treatments from your so-called loved ones, I see you and I feel you.

One of the reasons I am writing this is because looking back now, there were so many times that I wished I had found anyone like me anywhere. Neither my ex-husband, my siblings, my friends, nor my so-called church family opened up their doors to me.

I was all alone!

Recently, however, several questions came to me...

What if I could bypass the support that I was lacking on the home front? What if parents instead, found acceptance, affirmation, and support from elsewhere? What if their workplaces became their sources of support instead? What effect would that have on them, their co-workers, their children, and the bottom line? After all, we do spend a 3rd of our work days, well, at our places of work!

So, I got busy.

I came up with these 10 reasons why our workplaces might become our "chosen family" in this "wartime". Yes, just like many LGBTQ+/transgender kids, sometimes have to find homes away from home, I am suggesting to you, dear employer to make your workplace their new home away from home.

And with the help of my trusted friend Ify, aka ChatGPT, I curated (inexhausted) this list for you, their boss, because everybody needs somebody to love, affirm and support them, and that might one day include you.

Enjoy!

1. Fostering an Inclusive Environment: Supporting parents of queer kids helps in creating an inclusive work environment. When employees feel that their family dynamics are respected and valued, it leads to a sense of belonging. This inclusiveness is not just good for the individual but makes the organization as a whole, more adaptable and open to diverse perspectives. I still recall my days as an employee, not ever feeling comfortable enough to speak about my child fully. I was often afraid of what other people would say. But, if any of those places I worked in back then had a policy that was inclusive, I would have felt so much better.
2. The Silence of a Mother’s Love: Often, parents of queer kids, particularly mothers (in my experience), are the silent warriors fighting battles on all fronts, tirelessly and often alone. They work hard to provide unconditional love and support for their children, just like any other parent does. And they do all this while often facing societal judgment and isolation. This isolation often exacerbates any pre-existing mental health challenges both in the parents and in their children. The workplace might be the only place they can let their guard down. So, investing in their well-being is not just compassionate; it’s a recognition that their strength and resolve represent the very best of the human spirit. Just imagine what that would do for you if that were you.
3. Enhancing Employee Well-being, Productivity, Talent Attraction, and Retention: Not that this point necessarily is new, but, I believe it is well worth repeating. While I could not find any specific studies or articles that spoke directly about workplace support for POQKs, I do have anecdotal reports from a few of my clients who sing praises of their companies that are supportive, and many, that cry about the lack of specific support by their places of work. By offering support, employers like you can play a significant role in alleviating extra stress. This not only enhances the mental health and well-being of these parents (and their children by default, hello to the ripple effect), but it also positively impacts their productivity and commitment to the organization and boosts overall team morale. In the modern workforce, employees are increasingly looking for workplaces that align with their values. By actively supporting the parents of queer kids in your employment, you can position yourself as a progressive employer, making you more attractive to a broader talent pool. This, in turn, will attract and retain talented individuals. PS: Don't forget that coveted Forbes List!
4. Pride Beyond a Month: Pride Month is 30 days of celebration, but the journey of any parent (particularly, those whose kids are queer today) is lifelong and often tumultuous. The pride they feel in their children’s identity and the hopes and dreams they have for them are endless, just like any other parent. When a company supports these parents beyond a month, it shows a genuine understanding of the endless love and sometimes struggles that define parenthood.
5. Harness the Strength in Diversity and the Power of the Minority: Your company's strength is in its people, and your company's diversity is its superpower! Employees, including POQKs, are invaluable assets. I think you already know that. By supporting these parents, you are enriching their lives and boosting the collective strength of your workforce. When you recognize the diversity within your employees' families, you empower them to bring their whole selves to work. Their gratitude and commitment, in return, will know no bounds. ERGs (Employee Resource Groups) are essential, but within them, POQKs might still feel like a minority. Most Pride ERGs cater to the LGBTQ+ persons themselves, not necessarily the POQKs among them. These parents are navigating a path less traveled, and by specifically reaching out to and empowering them, you ensure that no one is left behind. It sends a message that every story, every struggle, and every triumph is seen and valued.
6. Be the Change You Want to See: The power of positive change in the workplace is immense. But many employees may be hesitant to seek support until they see tangible changes in the workplace culture. By proactively instituting policies and resources that support parents of LGBTQ+ children, you encourage a culture of openness and acceptance. This paves the way for a more inclusive and compassionate workplace that not only understands but also celebrates diversity.

In ending, I would like to add that, workplace support for parents is significant for parental wellbeing. It is also critical for their LGBTQ+ children, particularly gender-diverse youth. By acknowledging and supporting the challenges faced by parents of queer kids, organizations like yours can build stronger, more inclusive, and compassionate workplaces that are beneficial not just for the employees involved but for the organization as a whole.

If you or anyone you know would be interested in chatting more with me about how to proceed with creating a safe space for these POQKs at your workplace, kindly go to www.dr-lulu.com and leave us a message, or go to calendly.com/drlulu/work and book a FREE consult to chat with me.

Join me next week for one of the most important things POQKs say their workplace can do to make them feel seen, heard and that they belong!

Cheers!

Dr. Lulu