Switch off your Autopilot now.

Going out for the daily walk and while crossing the road I noticed a speeding car traveling towards me, I felt the car will hit me, I jumped two steps in an aerobic way to the other side. Then I realized that the driver intended to stop to pick someone. Oh…How could I jump this fast in no time and with no analysis. What is just happened here?

Let us Rewind, I decided to go out for a walk, I left home taking the usual route. While walking, I was thinking of what happened in work today, blaming myself for shouting in my kids, putting plans of what will happen next period and noticing the road around me, hundreds of thoughts go in my mind but how exactly I walk is not one of them. I never paid attention of how my legs moving, how many persons passed though me, what is the color of the pedestrian pavement or what is exactly written in the blue signage opposite to my building with small font.

When we do set of activities for some time it will be registered in our minds and we do it with no or less awareness. We become in an Autopilot mode to save efforts, This happens when we drive morning to work as well.

When you face dangerous situation like falling objects or attacking on you, you act quickly with no time to think. You jump or pull your hands or even shout, sometimes you don’t know even what just you said or did. This is an autopilot mechanism which designed for our survival. The part of mind responsible of this operation located in the back of our brain which is one of two systems in our mind , Daniel Kahneman called it in his book System 1, for ease we can call it "Fast Man".

Front brain is responsible of Logic and reasoning which is System 2 “Slow Man”. If I put logic and reasoning to think of what is the best course of action to be taken when the speeding car approached me and how to deal with it, taking in mind that driver wouldn't stop, it would be too late for any conclusion. The “Fast Man” is essential in such surviving situation.

In the light of this, How our daily interactions affected

Let us reflect in our daily interaction within context of system 1"Fast Man" and system 2 "Slow Man". How many time you had a heated argumentation with a work colleague which escalated to shouting level and then after cooling down, you can’t remember what you said and you get reminded by things you certain you didn’t say?

In each situation we behave based on our background and experience which become believes and turned to be background Autopilot. In a business discussion we react automatically based on the type situation, we might show some facial reactions, speak in certain manner, or treat people differently. The situation become more interesting, if we felt threaten during this discussion or felt inferior, then the “Fast Man” acts quickly to defend our position which in most cases lead the situation to be escalated and our reaction can be unexpected and damaging in some situation.

The “Fast Man” does not differ between whether it is life threatening situation or not. “Fast Man” works once neurochemical changes happening in our blood at this moment which its details not subject to this article.

To avoid such situation of outburst which can lead to lose a client or friend or even to be shown as sign of non-confidence. we have to learn when is the "Fast Man" get activated and how to silent him and give more space to "Slow Man" in any given discussion. This is part of emotion intelligence, all experienced managers and leaders usually sensitive to the balance between System 1 and System 2.

Four Steps to switch off the Autopilot

1- Listen more talk less

Take the time to listen attentively, which mean you understand what been said, ask questions about it and repeat it if required to ensure understanding. By doing this, you activate the “Slow Man” and you give time to think and understand. We need to remind ourselves that being sometimes wrong is not weakness.

2- Put your opinions and believes aside

Our experience is our biggest asset, but if it is abused and left to “Fast Man” it usually triggers an ego rather than reason. To activate the “Slow Man”, we need to shut off the Autopilot and this is will only happen if we put our point of view aside and hear others. Then we shall let the “Slow Man” pick what is right from our experience which fit the context and present it in logical way.

3- Confront less and "if necessary" last

When the situation is heated, be the last to talk and talk less. Autopilot always push us to talk first and talk long to defend our situation, but some people are not experienced enough to control “Fast Man” which jumps in and activate anger , ego and insecurity ambiance . Delaying the reply is not only giving time to think but give time to the situation to cool down and make us evaluate the audience and their interests very well and understand which direction they will support. This is not difficult process if we can see, and we see only throughout the "Slow Man".

4- Seek a common agreement and goal

Seeking common goal and agreement make us always in thinking mode to find the terms of this agreement and unify the situation. Standing only to our opinion activate the Autopilot and make us more nervous and more defensive. Being open to be corrected and to the possibility that we are wrong relax the "Fast Man" ego and deactivate the autopilot.

 And you how often your autopilot is switched off?