Taming The Temper

I do not have to give a definition or explanation to tell you what anger is. We all have experienced it in our life. Anger is a normal human emotion. But when it goes out of control by being destructive to yourself and others, it leads to complex issues, challenges and problems in your overall quality of your life.

Do you like to know any way to manage anger? Yes, there are certain anger management techniques to overcome the bondage of yours with anger. According to my view, anger is an effect. It is the cause of the effect that you need to change in anger management. As long as there is a certain cause, there will be an effect in nature. So, this month I would like to talk about taming your temper.

Normally, how do people deal with their anger feelings?

There are three main approaches. Either you express or suppress or calm down your anger by both conscious and unconscious processes.

Most of the time, we see people express their anger in an aggressive way. But the assertive manner is the healthiest way to express anger without hurting the other party. Hence, you need to be clear on your needs and how to get them met with your expected standards without being demanding and pushy. Here, being respectful to the other party as well as yourself is compulsory.

Even anger can be suppressed. Once you suppress, you hold your anger. Then you redirect or convert into a positive area while changing into a more constructive behaviour. In this case, your anger is turned inward to yourself as outward expression is not happening in the suppression of anger. The danger of it may lead to some other complications like hypertension, depression, high blood pressure.

Calm down is the last step. This is not purely about your outward behavior but also taking control of your internal responses. This can include the ways to lower the heart rate, calm your whole body while the angry feelings subside for a while.

Are there any techniques to anger management?

As a person, I am a quick tempered person. My anger is like a bubble that vanishes in a second. But many years ago, I too had to work hard to control and tame my anger.

·         I used relaxation method first. Start deep breathing exercises with a proper phrase like “All is well”, “take it easy”, “Shanthi” can be your starting point. Then you can go into imagery. You can visualize a relaxing experience that you already have experienced in your life from your memory. Even you can use your imagination.

·         If you note that our anger is caused by real world problems that are inescapable. What many of us do is we try to focus on finding multiple solutions. In my case, I thought and practiced on how I handle and face the problem as a challenge without being angry. The change in attitude is the answer.

·         Have you note that angry people tend to jump into conclusions that can be incorrect. So, if you are in a heated conversation, slow down and think about your responses. Guarding your mouth is pretty important. If you are impulsive, you can utter inappropriate words. My advice is to put an extra effort to think about what you want to say in the situation. Listen carefully to the other person’s opinion is also another factor that you need to develop in better communication.

·         I started to change the way I think as in cognitive restructuring. When you are angry, you are dramatic and your thinking pattern is exaggerated. At present, when a certain situation makes me angry, I tend to question myself. “Is this a life or death question?” Most of the time, you get frustrated, irritated but this is not the end of the world.

Dear reader, getting angry does not fix anything in life and it will not make you feel better. Also, you cannot eradicate anger in the long run.

Life is always filled with pain, loss, fury to a certain extent. Honestly, you cannot change them. But what you can do is you can change the way how anger in such situations can affect you.

(This article originally appeared in Probe - March 2024)