A Thanksgiving Possibility – Also Useful for Those Not Celebrating the Holiday
Many of us in the United States are preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow. And many are concerned about being with relatives given the state of the politics in this country. If they’re not concerned about those discussions, some are dreading the repetition of family conversations that haven’t gone well in the past.
This Thanksgiving, instead of talking about things that will stir up anger and upset, I offer two possibilities.
And I’m not saying that either one will be easy, but they both offer the possibility of peace, freedom from reaction and a true sense of empowerment, because you didn’t let the emotional urges control you.
One
Love the one you’re with, just as they are, warts and all.
Yes, this might remind you of a lyric!
Whether you agree with them or not – about anything. Allow them to be (this is the same as love).
If you keep it up after the holiday, your relationship will begin to transform … over time. That is my experience anyway.
And love yourself just as you are too. There may be a “you” that you don’t love. Love that you as well. Allow you to be … just as you are.
Two
This helps with number one. I recently spoke with a brilliant colleague who told me when he can tell someone is about to try to argue with him, he says, in an openhearted, respectful way something like …
“You can say what you want to say, and know that whatever it is, I will agree with you.” Oh, how beautiful.
Why do we want to argue anyway? To be right. That starts wars.
Keanu Reeves, the actor, is quoted as saying, “I'm at a stage in my life where I stay out of discussions. Even if you say 1+1=5, you're right – have fun.”
Want peace?
Recommended by LinkedIn
Want to enjoy the holiday?
Up to you.
I’m not saying this will be easy. Anything but. Yet truly transformational.
What can you talk about? Great question.
I’m not trying to be a smart-a--, but instead of the usual conversations that might lead to unhappiness and reinforcement of the cliché about families at Thanksgiving, ask yourself what else you can talk about.
Your true, wise self, knows. Ask it (you) and allow an answer to come to you. It will.
One approach you can take is to ask people about what matters to them. For example, instead of what have you been doing? Or what did you do today? Or what are you doing tomorrow?
You can ask,
What mattered to you today? What made a difference for you today? What are you going to do tomorrow that matters to you? or that is meaningful?
We talk so much about doing, which connects usually with the rational mind. We can begin to engage more from the heart, with the heart, when we talk about what matters.
You could also open a conversation by saying you’d love for the two – or ten – of you to talk about what truly matters to you in life. Ask them if that would be ok. They will probably say yes. Then begin with what matters to you.
If they say no, that is beyond this particular essay. ☺️
Let me know how it goes.
I hope you have a lovely, lovely Thanksgiving – or Thursday if you aren’t celebrating the holiday – with whomever you are with!