'There's No Other Choice Than to Just Love': Joel McHale on Parenting Autistic Kids

In a recent interview with People magazine, actor Joel McHale opened up about the joys and challenges of raising an autistic child. To the 52-year-old actor and his wife Sarah Williams, the needs of their 19-year-old autistic son may differ at times than that of his 15-year-old brother, but their overall parenting approach is still the same.

"There's no other choice than to just love that kid and see what he wants to do," says McHale, referring to his 19-year-old autistic son Eddie. "Life throws you all sorts of things. And the journey with the kids has not been a traditional one, because everyone else around us is doing more typical things. And I'm like, 'Hey. It's all good. Let's see what happens.'"

The actor's parenting style is characterized by a lack of pressure on his children to follow specific societal norms or expectations. Instead, McHale and his wife Sarah focus on loving their kids and supporting their choices, highlighting the significance of acceptance and understanding in raising neurodivergent children.

For instance, McHale realizes that the traditional college path may not be a fit for hi autistic son, Eddie. However, the actor is eager to support his son in whatever life choices he makes.

"So we're not sure what his trajectory is but he loves video games and he's good at them. So I think he might just skip college," McHale says. "I'm like, 'Go ahead. Just start work. Just learn that C++ language and start writing video games. Great.'"

McHale's stories about family life also reveal a home filled with humor, with both of his sons sharing their father's dry sense of humor, often leading to playful banter that keeps the family dynamic light and loving.

That approach is one that my colleagues and I see work again-and-again when it comes to supporting neurodivergent people - whether they are ourselves, our colleagues, or our kids. In our upcoming book Neurodiversity For Dummies (available for pre-order and released on March 19) we offer the following tips to those parenting neurodivergent kids.

• Understand the Barriers You Face. Parents with neurodivergent children aren't given an instructional manual. While all of us face barriers in life, there are some that are particular to specific neurodivergent conditions. And if those barriers have never been experienced before, it's easy to not recognize them at first. This can lead to a lot of frustration in both the parent and the child. Observing and realizing what those barriers are allows us to address them.
• Discover What Allows You to Thrive. Thriving in life is more than 'just getting by'. It’s about feeling comfortable with who you are, using what makes you (and your family) unique to your advantage, and genuinely enjoying your life. As McHale notes in his interview, thriving as a family with a neurodivergent kid may take forms that look different than others, but it's still a state that any family can achieve.
• Understand the Needs of both Yourself and Your Child. Just as families with neurodivergent children often face barriers that differ from others, the needs of neurodivergent kids and their parents often differ as well. Those go beyond access, understanding, and accommodations. It often includes different forms of support that both parent and child may need to thrive. As with barriers, the more deeply you understand your needs, the better prepared you are to fulfill them.
• Map and Secure Support. It's rare - if downright nonexistent - for parents of neurodivergent kids to be provided with all the support that they need. Finding support is often a second job. Building upon previous tips, understanding the unique challenges your family faces, and your own unique needs, allows you to more effectively map out the things which can help.

No matter what a family looks like, McHale emphasizes that parenting is always hard - regardless of whether a child is neurodivergent or not. But, the actor humorously notes that the difficulty in raising kids comes with some unexpected rewards.

"It is the most challenging thing that's ever happened," says McHale while discussing fatherhood. "It takes up a lot of time and money. But I don't think I will die alone and get eaten by cats because I think some family member will check in on me."

He thanks both his autistic and non-autistic son for that.

John Marble is the founder of Pivot Neurodiversity and is a training partner and classroom instructor with Neurodiversity Pathways. Along with Ranga Jayaraman and Khushboo Chabria, he is the co-author of Neurodiversity for Dummies (Wiley), which will be published on March 19, 2024 but is available for pre-order now. He is autistic.