Theva The Temptress

You wake up in the morning, dreamily look out the window, and think you must have gone to heaven. That’s because it looks like you are floating on clouds. There's something intensely sensual about what is transpiring outside. And you're caught between two polar opposite urges. Whether to make love to the person lying besides you. Or to venture out into the open and take in the orgasmic view. Perhaps you can take your partner out and have the best of both worlds. Aren't many people up and about at that hour....I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

You go out the room trying to make sense of it all but everywhere you look, it’s the same heavenly view. You are literally on top!

There’s a mist engulfing the entire city of Kandy. And if you’re lucky, you’ll probably see a bunch of monkeys jumping from the nearby trees to the rooftop of Theva and just sitting up there to enjoy the enthralling view themselves. But I reckon by now you're behaving like an aroused monkey yourself and won't be too interested in monkey play. Unless that's your thing.

That’s the magic of Theva residency, probably the best luxury boutique hotels in Kandy, if not the entire Sri Lanka. The fact that it is perched on top of the Kandy city is just one of its many strengths. No doubt it has won a slew of awards over the years from TripAdvisor to Agoda to Sri Lanka Tourism itself. Been there done that.

Do note that this mist clears up pretty soon, so you better wake up around 6 if you want to experience this mesmerizing view at Theva.

Each and every room is styled differently and follows a specific theme, so that each time you stay at Theva Residency, you experience something different. And all the rooms have got spectacular views of the mountains and the Kandy city. That’s because all the room are constructed in such a way so as to face the West side. Which gives you an astounding view of the sunset, amongst other things.

That being said, some rooms are better than others and there’s a difference in price. All in all, there are four different category of rooms: Penthouse, Suite, Superior Balcony Room and Standard Deluxe Room.

Although the penthouse is by far the biggest and the most expensive, I fancied the standard suite which has a bathtub right near next to the window in the room itself instead of the bathroom, giving you an alluring view of the picturesque scenery as you relax in the tub.

But if even that doesn’t excite you, a dip in the infinity pool at the edge of the cliff is sure to get your adrenaline pumping. Again it’s best to take the plunge very early when the mist is still around.

Then we come to the food.

The welcome drink they offer you on arrival is in itself out of this world. I don’t recall the name of the juice; I think it was passion fruit or maybe star fruit. In any case it was divine.

The chocolates and biscuits kept in the room are sumptuous. Most of the hotels I’ve come across in my travels pay the least attention to this aspect, letting stale biscuits be put in the guest rooms.

Not Theva. Everything was fresh. Even the fruit plate looked inviting although I didn’t get a chance to have a go at it.

Then comes the dinner. I had the rice and curry extravaganza priced at Rs.2000. And it was arguably the best food I had in my entire stay at Sri Lanka. And that’s no exaggeration! It really was. And I’ve tasted food at quite a few renowned places in Sri Lanka.

Then comes the breakfast. As suggested earlier, make sure you wake up really early, like 6 or 7 am and then have breakfast at the balcony while the mist is still lurking over the city. I can assure you that is one of the most unforgettable experiences you’ll have in your life. So don’t miss it.

And for breakfast, have the baked eggs and potato with spinach. Now I’m not a big fan of spinach and when I heard the recommendation for this, I wasn’t terribly excited. But I went ahead with it, and boy was I not glad in doing so.

My making use of so many superlatives may sound clichéd by now, but it was the most awesome breakfast I’ve had in my life. It beats all the continental buffet breakfasts I’ve had in all those supposed to be five star hotels. It was that good. Or maybe it was the alluring ambience of it all that made it taste so heavenly.

And all along, the service is impeccable. Pretty much the entire staff speaks good English, which I’ve found to be a rarity on my travels through Sri Lanka. The manager Russell is a jolly fellow with a great sense of humor. He’ll make sure you have a good time.

Noan is another good chap who is willing to help you out with all the finer details. Manjukala is yet another hardworking boy who has been with Theva for more than five years and was kind enough to show me the grounds around Theva Residency.

And

Even the chef is around so that you can get speak with him and let him know if you want a particular dish made in a specific way.  

Then I came across Irish, who spent four years in Dubai and as such speaks good Urdu.

And the staff is not only nice and hospitable, they are well-trained. They know when to approach you and when to leave you all alone.

There’s one more thing about Theva Residency that may not be a big thing for most people, but I found it rather charming. Atlhough I’ve come across many hotels that have DVD players installed in the rooms, I’ve never come across a hotel that actually gives DVDs to its guests to play in those DVD players, not until now. 

I found a showcase right in front of my room that was brimming with DVDs [assortment of feature films and series], books both fiction and non-fiction, and of all the things, board games.

For some inexplicable reason, this nifty little tactic struck a chord with me. That a luxury boutique hotel can have the heart to take care of this little aspect of their guests’ stay, should they get tired of roaming about and just want to spend the night in with some good old-fashioned pastime.  

Although the hotel welcomes all and sundry, in fact many families have thoroughly enjoyed their visit here, to me it’s the ideal location for an intimate romantic getaway.

Theva is the ultimate temptress, secluded, far from the madding crowd, with all the natural beauty around it to explore with that special someone.

Kandy has hotels and guesthouses a dime a dozen, but if you really want to partake of the beauty of this hill city, you need to make Theva as part of your plan. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on an once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Do remember that being a small boutique hotel, Theva Residency only has 15 rooms and they get filled pretty fast in the holiday season, so you better book in advance if you want to experience this gem of a hotel.

And it would be a treat if you could catch up with Dheeshana at the resort. While she's all business on the surface, dig a little deep and you could spend hours with her conversing on every topic under the sun. That kind of enigmatic personality.

And do you know what? All these pictures are without any filters or processing! Right out of the camera raw! Just imagine what it would be if I had sexed them up.