Is there such as thing as parental probation?

Over a quarter year into this madness! In work life you would be hoping to celebrate the relief of getting through your probation period. Like a true professional I am wondering whether Miss C feels I’ve earnt a gold star at the end of this very important probation period. 

The probationary employee and line manager focus on a judgement being made whether the appointment has been successful to continue. Interestingly success is defined different from one case to the next. Workplaces tend to loosely look at attendance, workplace relationships/dynamics and productivity/outputs others tend to go with complicated matrixes trying to cover all bases. 

So, what would define success as a new parent a quarter year in? Would purely keeping your child alive and in one piece be the bar? Or is the bar at being the parent everyone in mother’s group goes to for advice because you have reached all the baby milestones first and have the perfect sleeper? 

I am going with neither of these as my measure for success is whether I’ve managed to keep my own sanity while supporting my family (not just the newest addition) to thrive. If represented on a line graph day by day this would change and look like a wave moving up and down the line. 

You do not get much of an induction/orientation to your new role as parent. It is pretty much sink or swim or in my case I’m liking it to a turbulent dog paddle. 

When I meet people and they ask if it is my first and I confirm it’s my third child the response is always along the lines of oh you’d be pro, or you’ve got this figured out then. I find this amusing as honestly, I’m not a pro and I definitely have not figured it out. You will often find me still googling late into the night the meaning of changing poo colours, how to puree vegetables, what will entertain a newborn etc This makes me wonder why we remove or reduce support for parents when it’s not their first. 

Equally as you move up the hierarchy in the workplace induction/orientation programs become non-existent. It is not your first rodeo so you’re typically expected to be self-sufficient and figure it out. If you are lucky, you may have someone that has very kindly scheduled meetings with all the VIPs in the office. 

I have figured out having the experience of parenting more than one child has not made me a pro never has having had multiple exec roles. It has though increased my confidence to know where to expend my energy and not to sweat the small stuff. I am also more comfortable owning my own decisions including mistakes and less affected by the judgement of others on how I lead or parent.

In the first quarter as Miss C’s care giver, I certainly met the attendance goal, a newborn teaches you very quickly that your presence is required on demand. Punctuality well 3am sleep deprived nappy changes are not very swift. I am certain Miss C would mark down the occasions we’ve had a few full outfit and bedding changeovers while she is screaming for her mid sleep feeding session. 

Relationships have been tried and tested. Realigning existing relationships with partner, kids, family, and friends. I am not sure I would give myself a gold star on that one as many have suffered a little while I’ve prioritised the demand for constant presence with a newborn. Miss C though would surely sing my praises as she has built a very solid bond.

 As for productivity/outputs well no judgement on the household chores as they have taken a backseat. Securing output really requires pragmatism and being strategic with my time. This has come about my breaking down what would normally have been a single 30-minute task into 3 x 10-minute mini tasks. 

Today’s dinner prep has been broken down into task 1 - read recipe and pull-out marinade ingredients, attend to baby, task 2 - mix the marinade and refrigerate, attend to baby and older kid school prep and drop off, task 3 - cut chicken and place in bowl with marinade, attend to baby and older kid school pick up, task 4 cook. 

The breaking things down into mini tasks makes things achievable especially when I am blessed with a highly active Miss C who doesn’t enjoy a decent day sleep. 

Relatable to when there is lots of work to be achieved but only a standard workday and resources. Having a practical approach to achieving goals can turn what seems unattainable and overwhelming into success.

Mind you at the end of the day parenting is not a role we can decide 3 months later isn’t the right fit and move on unlike a new job.

I am enjoying the reflective challenge of identifying what career skills I can relate to parenting and vice versa. The probationary period of a new role gave an interesting lens on available supports, personal expectations, assumptions that experience does not automatically mean expert and how we define success. Also making me think what parts of a probationary period are old fashioned and obsolete in their judgement style approach. 

Keen to hear what you have found helpful to achieve your definition of success in your first three months whether that be a work or new life role?