Three Phases Leading to Mastery—Where Are You?

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Many leadership gurus talk about the power and potential of coaching, and sometimes they even touch on the process and skills behind it. But they always make it seem so simple. My faculty and I know that coaching is a complex skill, so we wonder…why do they downplay it? 

Do they believe that leaders aren’t up to the task of developing themselves deeply? Do they think that becoming a truly competent coach is out of reach for most leaders?

I don’t buy into either belief. 

What I know

I know that leaders who truly care about the evolution of their teams realize that the first evolution begins WITHIN themselves, and they step up to the plate. Ready to grow. Ready to serve.

I also know that everyday leaders can learn how to coach. With intent, practice, and community, it doesn’t even have to be an expensive or long process. But it IS a journey, and leaders should understand how the process is likely to unfold.

Learning a new skill always involves at least three phases before mastery:

1.     Insecurity, where you question whether you’re actually ready to start using the skill; 

2.     Adjustment, where you stop doing the old thing and start doing the new thing; and

3.     Awkwardness, where you fumble within and between the first two phases, eventually gathering enough experience to declare yourself comfortable in using the skill.

The Three Phases in Coaching

These phases are present in learning any new leadership skill, and they’re especially challenging when it comes to coaching. Here's why:

-       Coaching is an advanced skill, so even the most experienced leaders can feel deep insecurity about practicing it. In one-on-one implementation sessions, students often ask me questions like, “Do I dare offer myself as a coach to someone when I’m still so new to it?” (Answer: if you’ve been trained and if you approach with humility, YES!)

-       Coaching is dramatically different from other methods of leading (as advisor, teacher, or mentor), so learning WHEN to coach is almost as hard as learning HOW to coach. (The Skill/Will matrix is a big help here!)

-       Practice and feedback are essential parts of developing the skill. Each attempt will bring insights and success, as well as discomfort and missed opportunities. Still, you must move through it. You WILL get it!

The Coaching Leader's Journey

I recently spent a half day with students in a national association’s leadership development program, teaching them the basics of coaching. I told them that, in three hours, they would not become competent coaches, but they would understand the fundamentals of coaching and how it differs from other modes of leading. Then, I set the bar: “My goal for you today is that you walk away feeling very awkward as a coach. Because if you don’t, then I will know that you weren’t trying hard enough!”

They smiled and laughed. And then they got to work. They asked great questions, practiced, confessed their awkwardness, and reveled in their insights about themselves and about leadership. Indeed, coaching transforms the coach and the coachee alike. My students began the journey of a thousand steps that day, and I’m proud of them for the courage they brought to the learning experience. 

Afraid of feeling awkward? Please put your ego aside. We need you. The more leaders practice coaching, the better our world will be. 

If you'd like to learn how to master the skill of coaching (plus other advanced leadership skills), check out our flagship program Leader of Areté. The next cohort begins in April 2024. Reserve your spot now!

This post originally appeared on the blog at AcademyOfAreté.com. 

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