Time to Change the F’ing Words!

In this unprecedented time, two ‘F’ words can easily dominate our lives and spirits. No, neither is the one you’re probably thinking of! But, make no mistake, these two ‘F’ words can definitely ‘F’ with your confidence, energy, and peace of mind. Fear and Failure will lead to paralysis, overwhelm, or despondency unless you replace them in your heart and mind.

Fear becomes viral as it spreads in an environment of uncertainty. In my own life, it would be easy to succumb to fear right now. My professional passion and livelihood – professional speaking at live events – has completely disappeared overnight. All my events have been cancelled and there are no clear answers as to when, how, or if they will return. Our backup source of income, operating a lovely Air BnB here in the mountains of North Carolina, has been hit equally hard with all travel essentially frozen.

Yet, no matter the seemingly dire reality of the moment, there is one completely effective antidote to the toxic effect of fear. We still have the choice to replace that ‘F’ word – fear – with another that completely transforms our spirit. No one can take away our choice to focus on FAITH rather than fear. No one can ever give up for us and no one else controls our own hope, focus, and energy. 

My faith is not blind, pretending to ignore the reality of this challenging time. For me, faith does not mean sitting back waiting for everything to get better. Instead, my faith allows me to remember that I, just as YOU, have been given incredible gifts…

• A family I adore that fills me with an endless source of inspiration
• The choice to try something new and to use my mind, body, and spirit in new and different ways
• An immune system that is truly a miracle and one that I can enhance and strengthen through my choices of diet and exercise
• And, most of all, my unstoppable belief that every precious moment is a window of opportunity – a WOO – that brings with it the possibility of a new idea, and new relationship, gratitude, kindness, enthusiasm, and compassion. 

Today is the greatest gift I have been given… until tomorrow! When I focus on faith rather than fear, I move towards breakthroughs rather than obstacles. And, what I focus on is what I create!

The second ‘F’ word that can easily infect our souls right now is failure. A few years ago, when my youngest daughter, Jenna, experienced a terrible tragedy--the sudden passing of the young man she loved very deeply--our entire family’s world was thrown into a darkness and despair we had never experienced. We love Jenna so much and wanted desperately to fix it, to heal her aching heart, to help her smile again and to let go of her pain. But we couldn’t fix it. As much as we loved her, it wasn’t ours to fix. 

In the midst of this incredibly tough time, I found myself feeling like a horrible failure as a father. I was tormented with doubts…why hadn’t I done a better job of preparing her for life’s tragedies? Why couldn’t I fix it? Why had I failed so miserably to have given her the strength she needed when she needed it most? Had I been too soft, made things too easy for her, been overprotective and so focused on trying to make her happy rather than instilling her with toughness? 

As I look back now, I see that the first step in replacing the second ‘F’ word – failure – was to replace the first… to move from fear to faith. Jenna gave me the wake-up call I needed to make that first powerful switch. When she told me that she couldn’t handle my constant worry about her, she opened my eyes that even in the darkest hour, the choice between fear or faith was ever-present. And, I had been choosing fear. 

When I began to choose faith…to believe with all my heart that she had everything she needed to find joy again…to focus on her talent, creativity, inherent goodness, and caring, compassionate spirit, our relationship brightened and light began to shine through the darkness. That shift filled me with a knowing that she would be okay, she would find her way, and eventually be stronger because of the experience. That sense of knowing has become reality. Jenna’s radiance is brighter today than ever.

And so, starting with the choice of faith rather than fear, I began to look at what I had previously seen as failure as my new ‘F’ word… FEEDBACK. The instant we change from viewing our setbacks, mistakes, and mis-steps as failures, and instead, welcome them as feedback, we move them from permanent to temporary, from loss to learning, from powerless to productive. 

Failure makes us feel overwhelmed, but the instant we shift to seeing that experience as feedback, we recognize that we can take a new action, make a fresh choice, and turn that paralysis and defeatism into momentum and enthusiasm. 

Perhaps the greatest truth about these two shifts – from fear to faith and from failure to feedback – is that you can make that choice right now! You don’t have to wait for the curve to flatten or for the pandemic to end. When we choose the road called “as soon as,” it is a direct road to never. Exercise your ‘F’ing choice! NOW is the WOO!