Toxic Leadership: How To Identify, Cope, And Thrive
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Some people in this world are like toxic substances. They seem to drain the life out of you. These people are extremely frustrating to deal with and difficult to be around. They often appear to have a positive attitude about themselves but view others negatively. Living or working with toxic people can be emotionally, mentally, physically taxing and draining. Learn to recognize the characteristics of toxic people and what you can do to protect yourself from their negativity.
Warning Signs
Certain characteristics stand out in toxic people. They are often self-centered, critical, and judgmental. They can be aggressive, rude, and domineering. Toxic people often appear cold, distant, and unemotional or the other extreme of wanting to be the center of attention, very vocal, and controlling They seek to control the actions of others, narratives, and situations. They aptly insult, put down, and demean others with their words. They will often do so jokingly or use sarcasm as a cover for their toxic behavior. They view themselves as right and everyone else as wrong. They expect others to listen to them, but they are rarely willing to listen to anyone else. You can identify toxic leadership by how they make their teams feel. The emotions of fear, anxiety, and disappointment are apparent within teams that experience a toxic leader.
Toxic people are consistent in their demeaning ways as they seek to destroy the self-esteem of those closest to them. They will try to isolate staff in an attempt to make the person dependent on them or at home with their partners. This behavior gives the toxic person a sense of complete control.
Why People Become Toxic
Once you've learned to recognize toxic people, you may wonder how and why they became that way. There are many reasons why people behave in a toxic manner. Although many toxic people appear to be confident and even arrogant, they often suffer from insecurity and low self-esteem. They feel better about themselves by making others feel bad. They often project their own insecurities upon those around them so that they can blame others for their own failings.
Oftentimes there is unresolved trauma that has impacted their lives and spills into adulthood affecting their personal lives, further impacting their lens and leadership in a workplace setting. People who have suffered from bad or hurtful experiences may develop toxic behavior as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from further emotional harm. Toxic behavior can also result from certain personality maladies, including narcissistic personality disorder.
How Toxic People Affect Your Life
If you must interact with toxic people on a regular basis, it can cause you to be nervous, anxious, and irritable. Their constant criticism can cause you to doubt yourself and your abilities. You may begin to feel that nothing you do is good enough. Toxic people can undermine your efforts and make you feel as though there is no point in trying. They can make your life a living hell if you let them.
Dealing with Toxic People
It is important to protect yourself against toxic people. Set boundaries and let them know you won't deal with constant negativity. Make them aware that you expect the same respect that you show them. Try to put as much distance as you can between you and the toxic person. You can't change a toxic person's behavior, so it is best to limit your contact with them.
However, limiting contact may be challenging if the toxic individual is a supervisor, someone you work with closely within your team, are a family member in the same household, or your relationship partner. In a workplace setting, understand that a person’s toxicity is not a reflection of you. Learn to establish boundaries and communicate direct needs. If it becomes a pattern or worse you may need to escalate the issue and if so go in with a case of documented situations. If you share a home with a toxic relative, limit the time you spend with them and ask that they respect your privacy. If you are in a relationship with a toxic partner, consider seeking professional help. However, if the relationship is affecting your emotional health and your toxic partner is unwilling to seek help, you might want to consider ending the relationship.
Conclusion
Being around toxic people can be challenging. However, toxic people are sometimes unaware of how their behavior affects others. If you must deal with a toxic person, let them know how you feel and how their behavior hurts you. If they show no empathy or regard for your feelings, it might be best to cut ties with them. Although it can be hurtful to end a friendship, distance yourself from a family member, or have to transfer to a different department or completely resign and find other employment. You have to consider the effects of their toxic behavior on your well-being and how that can negatively impact your own personal relationships and family dynamics at home.
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Copyright Dec. 5, 2022 by Rafael Magaña & Yajaira De La Paz. Contact for usage license. Opinions expressed are solely own.
Rafael Magaña helps organizations grow. Helps leaders accelerate strategy implementation in their organizations. Specializes in donor-centered Philanthropy. Major Gift & Planned Giving Officer - Veritus Scholar. Rafael is also a Board of Trustees at the Hollywood Schoolhouse, and currently is the Development Chair. He has been a member of the Board of Directors with the Navy League of the United States, BHC since 2006. Enjoys writing about leadership, management, philanthropy and careers. Founder of Latino Professionals, Latina Professionals, & Latinx Professionals. He resides in California.
Yajaira De La Paz is a workforce development, employer engagement, career readiness, student advocate professional at Pasadena City College. Where she focuses on advocating inclusion, access, and opportunities for student employment, federal work-study, internships, work-based learning, and professional development.
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