Trauma-Informed Allyship: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself to Be a Mental Health Ally for People Experiencing Race-Based Trauma

In the wake of tragic and traumatizing incidents of racial violence, people of color are often put in the awkward position of having to manage an influx of communication from well-intended colleagues and acquaintances that inadvertently trigger confusing feelings, exhaustion, and despair. Some of the statements people communicate to us can make us even more conscious of being members of a non-dominant out-group and our place in a racialized social hierarchy. Statements from colleagues can remind us of uncomfortable power dynamics and blindspots in our organizations.

For example, in the midst of this current surge in anti-Asian violence and racism in America, I have found myself feeling disoriented by people asking about how they can be allies for Asian Americans. As I am grieving, hurting, and reeling, how do I pull myself together to respond to this question? Is it even fair to be asked to take on the burden and responsibility of being a spokesperson at this time? As I am unpacking and processing my own trauma and the trauma of my ancestors and predecessors, how can I provide an insightful perspective on the systemic issues and historical traumas that need to be addressed? 

Instead of answering the question, I’d like to request that people who want to be allies first consider the impact of how they show up (or don't show up) and what they say and do may have on the mental health and well-being of people who are experiencing race-based stress and trauma. Taking the time to reflect on and answer this list of questions will help people who want to be allies better understand their intentions and how the way they interact can affect a person who is grieving, hurting, and reeling because of unresolved race-based trauma.    

7 Questions to Ask Yourself to Be a Mental Health Ally for People Experiencing Race-Based Trauma:

1. What actions am I willing to take that enables this person to feel safe, seen, heard, and appreciated as a human being, and as a valued member of our shared community?
2. What am I doing to give or create the space and offer the support this person needs to practice self-care, process and unpack their emotions and feelings, and heal?
3. Have I taken time to process my own emotions, how this event triggered me, and any personal trauma that is being resurfaced so that I don’t offload my emotions onto this person?
4. Am I asking this person to put my emotional needs and desire for affirmation and knowledge ahead of their own needs?
5. Am I asking this person to “show-and-tell” their trauma to create a teaching moment for me or others? 
6. Am I burdening this person with a responsibility that is not officially part of their job description? 
7. If I am asking this person to shoulder additional responsibilities, what am I giving them in return? Am I (or is my organization) compensating them for taking on this burden?