Understanding Childhood Fears vs. Anxiety: A Guide for Parents

Ok. It's 2 AM, and you're jolted awake by a blood-curdling scream. Your heart races as you dash to your child's room, expecting to find a burglar or perhaps a particularly menacing spider. Instead, you're greeted by your six-year-old, trembling under the covers, insisting there's a scary thing in the wardrobe. Is this normal childhood fear, or should you ring the local child psychologist at this ungodly hour?

 Well, according to a recent survey by the UK's National Health Service, approximately 7% of children aged 5-19 have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. That's roughly two children in every primary school classroom grappling with more than just typical childhood worries.

But how do you distinguish between something that's a normal childhood worry and something more sinister? 

We'll examine this in parts...

The Nature of Childhood Fears

Before we start labelling every under-the-bed monster as a sign of impending doom, let's take a moment to appreciate the wonderfully weird world of childhood fears.

Children's fears are diverse. From the classic fear of the dark to the oddly specific terror of buttons (yes, that's a real thing, called koumpounophobia), kids can find just about anything frightening. Washing machines? Butterflies? Yup...I've seen all kinds!

Thing is, most of these fears are not only normal but also serve a purpose in a child's development. It's nature's way of keeping our little ones from wandering off cliffs or cuddling with rabid possums (we have these in NZ - they are cute. But I probably wouldn't hug one)

According to a study published in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology, certain fears tend to emerge at specific ages:

• Infants (0-2 years): Loud noises, strangers, separation from parents
• Preschoolers (3-5 years): The dark, monsters, animals
• School-age children (6-12 years): Natural disasters, injury, social situations

These age-related fears are like developmental milestones, but instead of first words or steps, it's first nightmares about giant squids. (If your child is having recurring dreams about cephalopods, congratulations! You might have a future marine biologist on your hands perhaps.)

The good thing is that most of these fears are transient. They pop up, cause a stir, and then disappear. For instance, that study found that while 74% of children aged 4-6 reported a fear of the dark, this dropped to just 25% by ages 7-9. So, this lends some credence to 'waiting it out' ... 

However, it's essential to note that not all childhood fears follow this convenient schedule. Some might linger longer than expected, while others might appear out of the blue.

So, how can you tell if your child's fear is just a normal part of growing up or something more serious? Well, that's where things get a bit trickier. 

But first, a word of caution: While this blog post aims to provide helpful information, it's not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you're genuinely concerned about your child's fears or anxiety, it's always best to consult with a qualified healthcare professional.

When Fear Becomes Anxiety - Spotting the Red Flags

Now that we've established that childhood fears are common let's move onto trickier territory.

Anxiety disorders in children are not uncommon. According to the NHS, they affect around 7% of children and young people. 

So, how can you tell if your child's fears have crossed the line into anxiety territory? Here are some red flags to watch out for:

• Intensity and Duration

Normal fear: "Mum, I'm scared of the dark, can you leave the night light on?"

Potential anxiety: "I CANNOT SLEEP UNLESS EVERY LIGHT IN THE HOUSE IS ON AND YOU'RE SITTING NEXT TO ME ALL NIGHT WIELDING A TORCH AND A CRICKET BAT!"

If your child's fears are so intense that they're disrupting daily life and lasting for months on end, it might be time to consider the possibility of an anxiety disorder.

• Avoidance Behaviours

Normal fear: "I don't want to pet that big dog, it looks scary."

Potential anxiety: "I refuse to leave the house because there might be a dog somewhere in a 5-kilometre radius."

When fear leads to extreme avoidance of everyday situations, it could be a sign of anxiety.

• Physical Symptoms

Normal fear: "My tummy feels funny before the school play."

Potential anxiety: "I vomit every morning before school and have daily headaches."

Persistent physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, or sleep problems that aren't explained by medical conditions could be signs of anxiety.

• Excessive Worrying

Normal fear: "What if I don't make any friends at my new school?"

Potential anxiety: "I've calculated 273 possible scenarios for my first day of school, and they all end in disaster!"

If your child is constantly worrying about various aspects of life, to the point where it interferes with their ability to enjoy normal activities, it might be anxiety.

• Difficulty Concentrating

Normal: "I forgot to pack my homework because I was excited about the school trip."

Potential anxiety: "I can't focus on anything at school because I'm constantly worried about everything that could go wrong."

Anxiety can significantly impact a child's ability to concentrate and perform well in school.

• Seeking Constant Reassurance

Normal: "Are you sure there are no monsters under the bed?"

Potential anxiety: "I need you to check under the bed, in the wardrobe, behind the curtains, in the garden shed, and possibly in the neighbour's attic. And then do it all again. Twice."

While it's normal for children to seek reassurance, excessive and repetitive reassurance-seeking can be a sign of anxiety.

• Difficulty with Change or Transitions

Normal: "I'm nervous about starting secondary school."

Potential anxiety: "The idea of changing classrooms between lessons makes me want to build a time machine and stay in Year 6 forever."

While some nervousness about changes is normal, extreme difficulty with transitions or changes in routine can be a sign of anxiety.

 It's important to note that these signs can vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder. For instance, a child with separation anxiety might display different behaviours than one with social anxiety or generalised anxiety disorder.

 According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, the most common anxiety disorders in children are:

• Separation Anxiety Disorder (4%)
• Specific Phobia (3%)
• Social Anxiety Disorder (2%)
• Generalised Anxiety Disorder (2%)

 But remember, diagnosing anxiety disorders is not a simple thing. It requires careful observation over time and, ideally, assessment by a mental health professional. So if you're concerned, don't try to DIY diagnose based on a blog post. 

Before we look at strategies for helping children manage both normal fears and anxiety. Let's take a moment to appreciate the resilience of children. Despite all these fears and anxieties, they still manage to find joy in the simplest things ! Boxes for example. Kinda like cats aren't they?

Ok. Chop to it.

For Normal Fears:

1. Acknowledge and Validate: When your child expresses fear, resist the urge to say, "Don't be silly, there's nothing to be afraid of!" Instead, try something like, "I understand you're scared. It's okay to feel that way." This acknowledgment is about as comforting as a warm cup of tea on a rainy day.
2. Encourage Brave Behaviour: Help your child face their fears gradually. If they're afraid of dogs, start by looking at pictures of puppies, then maybe watch dogs from a distance in the park. Before you know it, they'll be begging you for a Saint Bernard. (Results may vary. Dog size negotiations not included. Reading this blog automatically indemnifies me...but seriously don't sue me)
3. Model Calm Behaviour: Children often take their cues from parents. So when that massive spider appears in the bathtub, try not to scream like you're auditioning for a horror film. Take deep breaths and handle the situation calmly. Your child will learn that spiders are manageable, even if they're still creepy eight-legged monsters.
4. Create a Sense of Security: Establish routines and stick to them. Children find comfort in predictability. It's like their own personal Groundhog Day, minus Bill Murray (I love this guy...have you seen "lost in Translation"?)
5. Use Imagination Positively: If they're afraid of monsters, don't just tell them monsters aren't real. Instead, give them 'monster spray' (water in a spray bottle) or draw a picture of the monster looking silly. Turn that fear into a giggle-fest - get creative.

For Anxiety Disorders:

1. Seek Professional Help : If you suspect your child has an anxiety disorder, consult a mental health professional. 
2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) : CBT is a type of therapy that helps children identify and change negative thought patterns. It's like teaching them to be their own inner cheerleader.
3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques : Teaching children mindfulness can help them manage anxiety. Try guided imagery or progressive muscle relaxation. It's like yoga for the mind.
4. Establish a Worry Time : Set aside a specific time each day for your child to express their worries. This containment can help prevent anxiety from taking over the entire day. It's like giving worry its own time-out.
5. Create a 'Worry Box' : Have your child write down or draw their worries and put them in a box. This physical act can help them feel more in control. Plus, it's a great use for that shoebox you've been hoarding for no apparent reason - we can reuse boxes too!
6. Encourage Problem-Solving : Help your child brainstorm solutions to their worries. This empowers them and builds confidence. Before you know it, they'll be solving world problems. Or at least figuring out how to get more screen time. [to learn how to do this like a pro ... go here for pro time bro!]
7. Maintain Open Communication : Create an environment where your child feels safe expressing their fears and anxieties. Broadcasting a signal of trust and openness..as often as you can. It's all about attitude. 

Remember, progress might be slow, and there may be setbacks. Patience is key. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a child's emotional resilience. 

A Word on Medication : In some cases, medication might be recommended for children with severe anxiety disorders. This decision should always be made in consultation with a healthcare professional.

The Impact of the Pandemic? I know. People harp on about this a lot. But data shows some association (not cause) between The COVID-19 pandemic and children's mental health. A study by the University of Oxford found that the number of children experiencing anxiety increased from 11.9% to 17.8% during the first UK lockdown in 2020. I think there are certain factors that coalesced in a perfect storm situation rather than the pandemic itself being a causal factor...perhaps it was a precipitating factor. Having said that, as we navigate the post-pandemic world, it's more important than ever to be attuned to our children's emotional needs and provide support where necessary. Duh Davin.

So.

Differentiating between normal childhood fears and anxiety disorders can feel quite tricky but armed with knowledge, strategies, and a healthy dose of patience (and perhaps humour), parents can help their children navigate the sometimes scary world of growing up. Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. It's all about finding the right balance as they say (I'm still trying). It's kinda like marmite...(what?)...Some will love it, some will hate it, but you've got to give it a go. 

Don't forget to take care of yourself too. Even if your child still insists on checking for monsters under the bed, at least they're learning valuable skills in thoroughness and attention to detail. Gotta look at the bright side right?! Future health and safety inspectors in the making, perhaps?

Davin 

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