Watch out, woman driver on the loose!

While I started learning to drive at a very young age, it fizzled out almost soon. The story is the same as many others: scrapped through a wall, Daddy spent lots of money to repair the car, and the guilt added to the already existing fear of driving. When they asked, 'Can you drive?' the obvious answer was NO. After all, I hadn't been in front of the steering wheel forever. Hell, I didn't even recollect the order of the Accelerator, Break, and Clutch; did it go right to the left or left to right? Gosh, such a disaster.

But the feeling wasn't great when I changed cities and found myself dependent on others to go everywhere. Ruthless auto drivers, unfair prices, and lack of flexibility added to it. That's when the need to be back to driving came in.

Times had changed. I wasn't the child I used to be 10 years back. Fear is, after all, in mind. And when you surpass it, you realize most of the things that happen, including accidents, can be in your control. They said, 'Enroll in a driving school,' but the timings didn't work with my super erratic schedule. So I got a professional driver seated next to me in my car and guiding me. He took me through the basics and viola! My limps automatically remembered what my mind had learned years ago. This brings me back to something I learned once: the subconscious mind remembers everything.

So it took two classes with the man, and I found myself driving without much hassle. Yet, two challenges persisted - the people on the road and the people in this world!

Why would you honk, you manic!

I have a question: ' If you see someone whose car has stopped right in the middle of the street with an "L" board and who is visibly struggling to start their car, why would you honk relentlessly? Now let me state the obvious. It's not like they get any pleasure from stalling the traffic behind them. Neither is your honking going to make their car start faster. On the contrary, they will get nervous with the honking and may take more time to start the car after all! Be nice, come out and help if waiting is too much to ask.

So yes, this has happened way too many times. I've got middle fingers from angry pedestrians because I am driving slowly, and disapproving looks like their opinion matters. But this was expected because, unfortunately, as it may seem, most of us feel it's okay to be rude to people we won't bump into again.

Now let's talk casual sexism.

Ladies, how often has this happened when you started learning to drive that a mere mention that you'll be driving some man at work got answered by 'Only if I drive!' Unfortunate as it may seem, it is assumed that women are bad drivers. And doesn't matter whether the man has ever seen you drive or not; you are in a learning phase, so obviously, his life is at risk if he's sitting with you. And then, of course, there are the terrible women driver jokes. Sad? I'd say illogical, backed by a man's own fragile male ego-backed insecurity. Women may be physically weaker than men; blame it on testosterone. But hey, does driving involve muscular strength? Not when I checked.

Then where do women go wrong on the road?

We are scared. What will people say? If my car stops on the road, I know people are looking at me and thinking, 'woman driver? No wonder!' And this is irrespective if this is happening all the time or not. This is our own insecurity because of years of hearing that we, as women, are clumsy drivers.

This happened to me recently. I had a male colleague sit by my side in the early days of driving, and a bike suddenly cut me during thick congestion. Unexpectedly, my car hit them lightly. And they fell. My instant thought wasn't if they were hurt or if my vehicle got scratched. The first thought that came to my mind was, 'he's going to tell everyone in the office that I'm a bad driver!'

Now coming back to the bike, one more thing as women, we are over-taught - apologize always! Irrespective of whether it's your fault or not, which I naturally did. Expectedly my colleague made a joke about how I am killing people on the streets because I'm a terrible driver, and the biker obviously gave me a look like I was an idiot for hitting him. Later I thought, what would a man have done if he was in my place? The obvious answer: he would have yelled at by the biker for rash driving and cutting through, which was the case, and my colleague would have obviously agreed with him!

The road continues

It's been a month now, and I drive to-and-fro work; I pick up my daughter, run my errands and go out driving through the city. I have found myself more confident. The slow driving and the car stopping still happen sometimes, but I think I have grown thick-skinned towards it. You cannot control what happens around you, but you can definitely control what happens within you on account of it.

My five-year-old keeps telling everyone, "My Mumma is the best driver ever," which is honestly all the encouragement I need. She also sings songs for me in the car while I drive, so our i10 has become our happy space. We have also met several amazing people on the street, who have encouraged me to calm down and ignore the honking when I'm stuck, offered to help, and guided me out of tough hurdles on the street. I don't know who they are, and they don't know who I am, but I'm grateful. I promised myself to be someone like them to someone like me in the future. My dad has been the best teacher ever; even though he was not around, he has always encouraged me to drive fearlessly even if I made a blunder.

So driving was one great decision. Apart from independence, I think it has taught me fearlessness, patience, empathy, and, most importantly, choosing what to listen to.