Weekly Musing #28 The art of flow

The Art of Flow: Feedback and Awareness Matter More Than We Think

Life is full of trivial moments, small interactions that most of us don’t think twice about. A quick encounter at the gym, a honk in traffic, a subtle exchange at work. At first glance, they might seem insignificant, but when reflected upon these tiny micro-interactions are in fact all part of something bigger.

Something a lot bigger and a lot more important, namely how we interact with one another and how we contribute to the collective flow of life.

Take, for example, what happened to me at the gym this morning. I noticed a guy using liquid chalk during his workout, which in this particular gym is prohibited because it leaves a mess that the cleaning staff then gets to clean up. His training area was, unsurprisingly, quite messy. I pointed out to him that liquid chalk isn’t allowed here. His response? A quick, "Ah, sorry, I didn’t know," followed by him immediately cleaning up his spot. Simple. No fuss, no confrontation, just a matter-of-fact acknowledgment of the mistake and a willingness to fix it. The flow of the moment continued without disruption. No hard feelings, just a small correction of course and on we go.

Now, imagine that situation with a different kind of response — someone else might have been offended or felt attacked. They might have reacted with defensiveness or felt "kränkt," this wonderful Swedish term that’s become all too common, referring to feeling personally insulted or affronted. In today’s world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking everything personally, seeing feedback as a criticism of our character rather than what it often is: an opportunity to correct course and keep things moving smoothly.

That gym encounter got me thinking about how much easier life can be when we’re open to feedback and self-aware enough to recognize that we’re all part of something bigger, and yes, we all make mistakes now and then.

Whether it’s in the gym, at work, or in traffic, the more we acknowledge that we’re part of a collective flow, the better we move through life.

I’ve had similar experiences on the road. As you know, pedestrians have adopted the habit of first stepping into the road and then as a second thought actually looking to see if there is something coming. So here I am, driving along when a pedestrian is just about to step out right in front of the car. I give a short honk on the horn — not out of anger, but as a quick heads-up, a way of saying, "Hey, there’s a car coming." Most of the time (and sorry to say, if it’s a guy), they’ll acknowledge the mistake, seek eye contact, give a quick nod, maybe even wave as if to say, "All good, we're cool, I wasn’t paying attention." It’s a momentary exchange, but one that keeps the flow going. No harm done.

On the other hand, some others seem to take that same honk as a personal affront. Instead of a nod of acknowledgment, I get a glare that screams, "How dare you make me and the rest of the world aware of my mistake?"

Please, don't take everything as a personal insult, especially not these kinds of micro-corrections.

That's why we micro-correct, so we don't need a BIG correction when everything has hit the fan....

Remember that both the person being corrected AND the one correcting needs to learn how to separate person and action, just because I did something the wrong way doesn't mean I AM that action and that mistake.

This isn’t of course limited to the road or the gym. In all kinds of interactions, there’s a choice: do we accept these micro-corrections of feedback as something constructive, or do we take it as a personal insult? Do we contribute to the flow of life, or do we disrupt it with our ego?

Again, we're talking micro-corrections, not a complete meltdown.

Like at the supermarket (especially in Sweden) you're standing in line to pay, and you feel, not hear, you feel someone trying to squeeze by. But instead of simply saying "excuse me, do you mind if I slip by, I'm not buying anything" they think they will disrupt less by not saying anything, leading them to disrupt quite rudely since they end up physically pushing people out of the way! A simple "excuse me, do you mind?" can make all the difference.

When I make a mistake — which I do often — or if I'm standing in the way unintentionally, I hope someone will point it out to me. Not with judgment or embarrassment, but with the intent to help me improve and keep us all in the flow.

What I can’t stand is when people notice mistakes and say nothing, either because they’re too embarrassed to mention it, which often just makes things worse since the mistake isn't corrected.

I was at a conference in Hungary and the opening address was a high Hungarian official, all in Hungarian of course, and everyone in the audience had earphones with real-time translation. However, the system wasn't working, or at least mine wasn't, so I didn’t get any translation. Everyone around me looked like they were following the opening address with keen interest, nodding and looking very engaged so I thought it was only me. After a couple of minutes, I saw one more person fiddling with their headsets, so I gathered others had the same issues.

So I put my hand up and said, "Excuse me, the headphones don’t seem to be working, can you check please," and then all the people around me started nodding and agreeing, saying, "Same here, mine aren’t working either."

So everyone was just happily nodding away, without the system working, but no-one wanted to point out the mistake.

Please tell me next time I forget my fly open or have spinach stuck in my teeth 😬😁

And of course, the worst when when people point fingers behind your back and gossip about it.

How is that constructive? You get a short term ego win and score points with your pals but you haven't fixed anything or helped move the world along.

We need feedback to grow, to course-correct, to keep things moving smoothly. If we avoid these moments of feedback out of fear of offending, or to intentionally offend we miss the opportunity to keep the flow of our collective interactions intact.

But it’s not just about feedback, though. It’s about how we move through life, understanding that we’re part of a bigger machine.

Again with the traffic examples: think of how people navigate traffic, whether on foot, on bikes, or in cars.

When I’m on the road, I always try to make eye contact with other people — drivers, cyclists, pedestrians. It’s a way of saying, "I see you, you see me, let’s keep this flow going." When that connection happens, everything runs more smoothly. We pass one another without disrupting the rhythm of the street.

But not everyone gets the concept of flow.

Sometimes, you’ll see maybe five cars coming, and then that lone pedestrians steps straight onto the pedestrian crossing right between the fourth and the fifth car, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the road will be empty in just a few seconds if they just let the last car pass. Leading to unnecessary breaking and re-acceleration (adding to climate change) and a broken flow.

It’s a simple shift — sometimes slowing down, sometimes speeding up, in order to let things flow more naturally — but for some, it’s as if the bigger picture doesn’t exist. They’re so focused on their own path that they forget they’re part of something larger.

And that’s the point: we are all part of something bigger.

In the gym, in traffic, at work, or anywhere else, life flows more smoothly when we recognize our role in the collective. It’s not about ego or personal affronts; it’s about being aware of how our actions affect the world around us. When we’re open to feedback, when we make those small connections with others, we help keep the flow going, and everything works better.

And this applies just as much in our professional lives as in our personal ones. Whether in a leadership role or as part of a team, being receptive to feedback and adjusting accordingly is crucial for fostering innovation, collaboration, and problem-solving. In business, just like in traffic, the more aware we are of others and the shared goal we are working toward, the smoother things run.

So next time someone gives you a small piece of advice or a quick honk to get your attention, try not to take it personally. Instead, seek eye contact, nod and just say "ok, we're cool, all good". No harm done, no offence made or taken.

See it as an opportunity to keep things moving, to contribute to the flow.

Because, in the end, we’re all in this together.