What to Do When Life Gets Hard

The longer I live, the more I realize that everybody will go through something at some point in their life, and it doesn't matter which country they're from, their race, age, or gender. EVERYBODY!

A common challenge I see today is that women have fallen to the bottom of the ocean, and instead of getting up, they have built a lifestyle and a colony on the seabed. They have normalized drowning and don't see anything wrong with it because "everyone" is drowning. 

What's startling to me is that they don't see anything wrong with choosing to live beneath their potential. These women have chosen a life of playing safe, procrastination, and indecision, which is suffocating the very essence of who they are.

It's tragic to watch because I know their lives can be COMPLETELY different if they just did SOMETHING. Anything besides looking for a medical condition to hang on to or a bottle of wine to provide them with temporary relief from the pain they are feeling by being out of Alignment with their Assignment. 

Look, you are not Aquaman's wife, Mera, and it's unfair for you to live this way. It's not fair for you to live at a station lower than what God intended. It's not fair for your family either because you think they aren't affected, but they are right beside you in your misery, no matter how artistically you paint a cracked smile on your face daily.

I get it. I've been there. In 2012, I resigned from a successful six-figure career with three and a half years left to retire with a full pension. I'm sure if I didn't leave, I was going to die from a heart attack or a stroke. 

I LOVED my job and was highly influential, but I got caught in a toxic cycle of proving people wrong and working longer and harder than "the men" to prove that I had value. While not acknowledging that I already had value and didn't have to prove it to them but to myself.

I collapsed physically as I resigned with +20 documented medical conditions and started a business because surely entrepreneurship was easier. Nearly 18 months later, I mentally collapsed and was psychologically unemployable. I lost EVERYTHING. 

Everything means I burned through my $100k savings, my car, high-rise apartment, hot stone massages, trips to Vegas and Paris, vitamins, organic food, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, expensive dinners, flights across the country. You get the drift. 

It's one thing to be broke. It's another to be broke, broken, AND bougee. This is a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and yet, there I was with NO ONE to blame but the woman in the mirror. Living with my brother in the country because I was so mentally fragile, I couldn't manage a job despite turning down 30 job offers by that point.

A man is never whipped until he quits in his own mind. - Napoleon Hill

I may have fallen down, but I NEVER intended to stay there , and although it took me four years to recover mentally and seven years to recover financially, I RECOVERED!! I didn't just sit there and die a half-lived and mediocre life. That experience made me so much better and I had to learn the hard way that my life was built on sand and not on rock. 

I listened to and studied A LOT of highly successful people and learned that life punched them in the stomach, too. I am still determining if it's a right of passage, but sometimes things have to fall apart to fall into place. 

I have written several books and want to offer a few quotes from one of them. In the Philosophies of Spiritual Leaders, I wrote about the journey and challenges of 10 spiritual leaders (Joel Osteen, Eckhart Tolle, Sara Jakes-Roberts, etc) and provided quotes, followed by my commentary.

I want to offer five quotes from Bishop TD Jakes (followed by my thoughts) that hit me in the head about how I created my near demise years ago, and I hope you will take this insight and GET UP! 

Do you know that you've allowed other people to put so much on you that you don't know who you are?

Most women think it's selfish to think about themselves and what they really want in life. You know the needs of others and what would make them happy, but rarely stop to ask yourself what would make you happy. Give that question some thought and take the necessary steps to make it happen.  

You got more degrees than a thermometer. You got more titles than they can put on a business card and you are still dysfunctional. The reason is you have put your energy into your image and left your reality unchanged. 

Only by working on how you feel about yourself will you be able to create real change in your life. Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Focus on creating a clean heart by forgiving yourself and others; your perspective of self will change internally. That's where it counts the most. 

What a tragedy to waste your days being important when you could have just been happy. 

As a leader and someone who's highly visible in your office, community, or industry, you start to play a role. It's easy to think that people are watching your every move, especially those waiting for you to fail.  This paranoia and mental condition are self-inflicted, and most of the people you think are watching you are too busy worrying about what they look like. Relax and work on unlayering who you want everyone to think you are to REVEAL who you truly are. Authenticity is a gift and will set you FREE!

When you are feeding more people than people are feeding you, it creates pressure. 

As a leader, how many people are you mentoring, responsible for, and depending on you for inspiration? If the number you're feeding is significantly larger than those feeding you, is it any surprise you're overwhelmed?  

Finding your destiny will always disappoint people who have appointed you to theirs. 

When you tell people your dreams and what God has placed in your heart, do they try to talk you out of it or speak fear into you? People who have attached what you can do for them and how they will get ahead with your input don't want you to get any bright ideas that will exclude them. They will not, and I repeat, WILL NOT support you in your vision. Be ready for it, and know you must leave them behind to pursue your destiny. 

I know one thing for sure, and Dr. Maya Angelou said it best, "On the other side of every storm is a greater sense of joy." Everything you want is on the other side of you getting uncomfortable and doing SOMETHING to change your circumstances. You can have a completely different reality than you have right now, but you have to move. GET UP!!

Which quote resonated most with you, and what will you do differently this week?

Christy Rutherford is an executive leadership advisor, keynote speaker, and high-level business consultant. Her clients have received +$15 million in salary raises since 2020. A Harvard Business School Alumna and certified Executive Leadership Coach from Georgetown University. Find out more about Christy HERE

Watch Christy's podcast Episode 39 where she expands this discussion on "Why Am I Here?" using this LINK