How to Stop Negative Self-Talk

Self-talk is one of the most destructive behaviors and habits you may have. There is an on-going story in your head that reflects your reality or your greatest fears. A lot of emotions can be triggered by self-criticism and the voice in your head.

You know the one I am talking about. The tyrant that talks to you the moment you decide to step outside of your comfort zone and do something new. The voice that shows up and tells you that you do not know what you’re doing, you will fail, or you’re a loser. It can beat you down and talk you out of doing something before you even begin. Yes, THAT voice.

Being unconscious of the seemingly insignificant trauma event from your past is what shapes your entire reality. That is the perspective you see your life through. It is like walking around with pain colored glasses and attempting to live a whole life.

However, when you want to take a risk, step out, and do something bigger, like ask for a promotion or raise, the voice gets louder. It tells you that “You will fail.”

“Who do you think you are?”

“You’ll never make it.”

“You’ll look like a fool,” and on and on.

I do this exercise with all my clients. I have them meditate, do affirmations, and work out. This is to create self-awareness so they can hear what they have been saying to themselves. One of my clients, a 50-year-old, was astounded at what she heard.

She said, “Christy, I can’t believe it! I finally heard myself say, ‘You are broke. You are a nobody, and you will never be anybody. You are too old, and you will die broke’.”

“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.” – Eckhart Tolle

This script had been playing in her head for a long time. It shaped her decisions to play small and stay in a “secure” government job, even though she was miserable. She knew that she had more potential and could play bigger, but the story that she woke up to and went to bed with kept her trapped in a self-made prison hole. After breaking her trauma default, she left that job and was promoted to the C-suite of an organization she loves.

Be Transformed By the Renewing of Your Mind

If you choose to take control of your mind, the voice in your head can be trained. It will take some time, but if you’re still alive next year, the time will pass anyway. Why not use it to better your life?

In his phenomenal book Psycho-Cybernetics, Dr. Matthew Maltz gave five steps for reprogramming the voice. When your inner voice says something negative, do the following (CRAFT):

1.     Cancel – say it aloud 

2.     Replace – with positive data 

3.     Affirm – the new image you desire 

4.     Focus – 10 minutes daily

5.     Train – yourself for lasting change 

During my early years in entrepreneurship that were wrought with failure, the voice in my head got so loud that it became crushing. The more money I lost, and the more I failed, the louder it got. When the voice said, “You’re going to fail and run out of money, ”I implemented CRAFT and said, “CANCEL!”

Then, to myself, “I can achieve anything. I choose to serve others and deserve success.” Then, I imagined celebrating with my business partners on a yacht or the beach in Bora Bora. I also meditated 10-30 minutes daily. 

Stating “CANCEL” aloud startled a few people at the grocery store and bookstore, but I’m sure they were dealing with their own voice. If you want to free yourself from yourself, then be unapologetic about your healing.

What are some of the things you say to yourself that are not true and are no longer serving you?

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