What Are Pronouns and Why are they Important?

The language we use at work to discuss our co-workers is central to how we perceive and understand one another. This is the case when it comes to pronouns and how we use them. Preferred pronouns may be unfamiliar to many professionals and the conversation about how to use them can be tricky if you don’t know where to start. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore them, this article will give you the rundown on what pronouns are, how to correctly use them, and how to engage with co-workers with pronouns you are not familiar with. 

What are pronouns? 

Pronouns are simply how people refer to each other and themselves, words like ‘I’, ‘we’, and ‘our’ are all pronouns. There are also pronouns that denote an individual and their gender identity, these are words like ‘he’, ‘she’, or ‘they’. These are the pronouns that often trip some people up at work because they may not always line up with our assumptions, or it can be confusing to know which ones to use for certain individuals. For many people, especially people belonging to the LGBTQ+ community, pronouns are an important part of how they experience the world and it is an important part of being an ally to respect and use a person’s preferred pronouns.  

Why do people have different pronouns? 

Pronouns communicate a person’s chosen gender identity and they help define to other people how somebody wants to be thought of. Many people who identify as non-binary or transgender (or other similar identities) may opt to use they/them pronouns. This means they have chosen to be referred to with gender neutral language. They may choose this because they feel that neither he/him or she/her accurately speak to how they identify. Some people may also use they/them in tandem with a gendered pronoun. Some people also have begun to use new alternative pronouns such as xe/xim but this has limited popularity and mainstream use. 

How can I be respectful to co-workers and their preferred pronouns? 

You can show that you are respectful of other people and their chosen pronouns by including your own on platforms like LinkedIn and in your email signature. This is important even if your chosen pronouns line up to the gender you were assigned at birth. By acknowledging your own pronouns in your interactions with co-workers you are feeding into a workplace where people are aware of the importance of pronouns and respecting them. This also helps signal to other people who maybe have less knowledge about pronouns to be mindful of them.  

You can also include your pronouns when introducing yourself to new people or at the kick-off of a meeting. This again normalises acknowledging pronouns and encourages others to have mindful interactions about pronouns at work. 

How do I ask about a person’s pronouns? 

Sometimes a person’s pronouns may not be obvious to you, when this is the case there are a few different things you can do to learn how best to accommodate the person in question. For some people, it may be intimidating for somebody they don’t know very well to directly ask them about their pronouns, if you are concerned the person in question may not take well to being directly asked then check their LinkedIn or email signature to see if they have included pronouns. If they haven’t or if the person in question is somebody you feel more confident in approaching ask them what their preferred pronouns are in person.

Always do this in a private conversation, a person may be sensitive about their pronouns or still figuring out what best suits them. Asking a question like this in an open setting can make the person in question uncomfortable or upset. Remember that when having any conversation with a co-worker about their pronouns or any other aspect of their identity and gender that it should be done in private with assurance that any information disclosed is only shared with others upon the consent of the person being asked.  

The best way to engage in a conversation about pronouns is to be direct and friendly, beating around the bush can insinuate that this is a conversation that is somehow taboo or abnormal. Open conversations about pronouns are essential to a workplace that healthily and thoroughly supports employees of all backgrounds and gender identities. It is also important to ask if there is anything you can do as a colleague to support the person being asked about their pronouns outside of respecting their preferred pronouns. They may want you to discretely let their pronouns be known to other colleagues or may want you to not reveal the information that have divulged until they are ready to share it themselves.

Pronouns and conversations around them factor in many people’s process of transitioning so it may not always be a chat that the person in question is ready for, or information they are ready for a larger group of people to know.  

What do I do if I or a co-worker uses the wrong pronouns? 

For some people respecting a person’s preferred pronouns is not always a natural part of their behaviour and it can take time to adapt. If a person you are working with has recently changed their pronouns it can take you and your colleagues time to consistently use a new pronoun, the same can be said for a person’s new name when they are transitioning. It is important to understand benign accidents happen, and politely correct co-workers when they make mistakes around pronouns and dead names (a person’s birth name that they no longer wish to use as they transition).

Unfortunately, some people refuse to respect a person’s preferred name and pronouns intentionally and persist in dead naming a co-worker and using incorrect pronouns for them. If you see this first correct the person and inform them why it is important to use correct pronouns and names for people. If the behaviour continues you then need to refer it to HR and ideally your workplace EDI lead if you have one. It is also important to inform your team leader to intervene and resolve the issue. Purposefully using incorrect pronouns and names for somebody can be considered an act of discrimination and it invalidates somebody’s chosen gender identity or expression. 

For many people, their pronouns are an important part of how they perceive themself and others. Respecting preferred pronouns and understanding how to have considered conversations about them is important for a workplace that is inclusive and welcoming to people of all backgrounds and identities. To learn more about how to build an inclusive workplace check out JGP Consultancy’s EDI training and education services.