What Is The Shape of Love for You?

Dr SusanDelllinger's Psycho-Geometrics® is a most powerful way to get your head around the science of understanding people whilst learning the art of communicating with them.

Its value for enhancing your relationships - including your most intimate ones - is nothing less than insightful and rewarding. In fact, you can find what I call, "Your Shape Mate!"

This is like your Soul-Mate with a lot more science!

To discover the shape you're in for yourself, click on this link.

OK, if you've invested $11 in yourself and your future, you now have deeper insights into your traits, your behaviours, and the ways you relate to others - in terms of what I call, "Communication Frames."

Here in the UK, those of us over a certain age grew up with an excellent educational programme called, "PlaySchool." A regular part of every show was to tell a story but access to the story was through either the Square Window, The Arched Window, or the Round Window.

This, of course, familiarised the younger viewers with the names of key shapes, however, the 'truth' for adults remains solid:

we see people through the frames we make.

In Neuro Linguistic Programming the descriptive term, "Meta-Programmes," is used to describe the filters we use when processing 'reality'. We may use a BIG Picture frame or zoom into the detailed view. We may 'sort' and sift the information coming through our sense gates (and windows!) to active choose the ways in which we are different, or the ways in which we are similar.

Dr Susan's shapes explore the 'geometry' of interpersonal communications.

"Your choice of the shape you're in changes everything!" Neil 'Lex' McKee

The Five Frames

For the purpose of this blog, let's call them five frames.

They are:

• The Box
• The Triangle
• The Circle
• The Squiggle
• The Rectangle

Through the Box Frame

If you view your partner or potential partner through the Box Frame, you will pay attention to small details. You will notice what you think about them (more than the way that you feel about them). You will be far more attracted to more introverted personalities - people who don't need to talk all the time, or go to parties. Your date is most likely to be on time if they are like you... in fact, when it comes to time, "slow and steady wins the race."

Box to Box can be very romantic because the natural attention to detail means that romance is 'done right'. As the song says, "It has to be, perfect!"

Through the Triangular Frame

If you're looking through the Arched Window - The Triangular Frame - to find your ideal Shape-Mate, it's more about getting to the point (like the top of a triangle.) Your pace is racey - and you like results... fast!

In fact, you want to know what their ambitions are...

You'll make a rapid decision about whether your potential mate is worth the effort or a waste of your valuable time. Triangle-to-Triangle is about getting the results you both want. If those results are aligned, your partnership becomes a force of Nature. If you clash, things will be said that can be quite 'pointed'.

Romance is too time-consuming - you are people of action!

In fact, your partner is late, those who see love through the Triangular frame will start without their partners!

Through the Round Window

Love through the Circular window is about feeling and mutual respect. You'll want to understand their values and whether these values are aligned with yours. Together, aligned, you'll change the world - in fact, you'll get most satisfaction from doing your bit to save the planet as a team - a true partnership on every level.

Slower, more like the Box, you'll take time to get to know the 'real' person, and you may also take a while to open up yourself (after all, you've been hurt in the past, haven't you?)

Like the Box, you see the world through a frame - except yours are round frames with rose-tinted glass. You are lovely - I just wanted you to know that.

Through the Squiggle Frame

OK, let's be honest - there is no frame. There are no boundaries.

The Squiggly approach to relationships is highly energetic! It's adventurous. It might even have a hint of danger. After all, if this is you, aren't you attracted to the more exotic people?

Your biggest danger will be boredom. Squiggly-feelings need excitement, variety, change - and if one partner isn't more than a match for you, well... "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!"

Excuse me while I go and slip into my Spiderman costume...

Through the Rectangular Frame

The view through the Rectangular frame can go both ways. If you are thrown into the deep end of this worldview, it can feel uncomfortable: which way is up? Am I landscape or portrait? What shape should I be like?

The Rectangular Frame - or phase - is one of transition and change - one where we are finding ourselves and who we want to be like and who we want to be with.

That's what I call, "The Reactive Rectangle," and it is the shape of puberty. I'm sure we all remember what 'fun' that was...

However, when chosen deliberately, the Rectangular Frame is all about choosing the best shape to be in for the other person. The Proactive Rectangle is the shape of mature flexibility. It's no longer about 'me, me, me,' but rather is about 'you' and then 'us'.

Let's assume you can approach romantic relationships through the proactive Rectangle.

Here are some strategies...

1. As Stephen R Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Once you've recognised the shape they are currently communicating through, you can flex to 'pace' them in their view of the world as they see it, hear it, feel it.
2. Pace their Shape. Box to Box, Triangle to Triangle, Circle to Circle, Squiggle to Squiggle. Build rapport as the foundation for an amazing relationship that is more than the sum of its parts.
3. Lead them into your Shape style. You must be true to yourself - like being right-handed or left-handed. It might be interesting to use your non-dominant hand for a while - and you'll certainly learn 'stuff' - but at the end of the day it is against your core energy. This means that after you have understood them, you must test to see if they understand you. If they don't, there is no long-term future for the relationship.

In Psycho-Geometric Relationships, 1 + 1 must equal 5 for them to be sustainable and fulfilling. A friend once paid me the highest compliment by saying,

"You bring out the 'Me' in me!"

This friends prefers to see the world through two dominant window frames: the Box and the Circle. I was able to flex to shift my energy to match hers, and for long enough for her to become more Boxy and more Circular in her worldview.

The compliment was not repaid, however! She doesn't encourage or bring out the Squiggle in me so I'm always twitchy! As long as I have (non-intimate) playtime elsewhere where I can be full-on-Squiggle, we'll be OK, but when she's not OK, she squashes my Squiggle!

I hope my honesty here will help you be honest with yourself. Your joie de vivre does not depend upon one relationship (other than intimately). With maturity, you can enjoy friendships with many people and top up your energy through different connections. In this way, the sum of your relationships can bring out the 'You' in you!

Be kind to yourself and enjoy the shape you're in!

Last words from Sting: Shape of My Heart

...fin...

About the writer

Neil 'Lex' McKee is a licensed consultant in Psycho-Geometrics®. As such he trains, mentors, and coaches people just like you and me in how to communicate beyond our differences (as in the title of Dr Susan's book). Good things don't happen enough in life for three simple and changeable reasons: we misunderstand and are misunderstood; we run out of time; we forget. As such, Lex (his Squiggle name) is highly active in teaching communication skills, time mastery, and memory boosting.

0345 2300 747 to discover how he can help you make the most of the shape you're in!