What Stories Are You Making?

And What Messages Are You Sending to Those Around You?

At least a dozen people have shared this with me in the past week:

For the last two weeks, they've been feeling especially stressed and anxious. My friends and coaching clients have expressed acute anxiety, some to the point of a full blown panic attack and trip to the emergency room for fear of a heart attack.

"I felt like I was doing alright, moving along with normal ups and downs. More downs than usual, of course, but until last week, I was doing okay. I felt some guilt at how okay I was! Projects got done, I spent time with my family, I was baking bread for goodness sake! And working from home was kind of a luxury even though it was stressful at times with my kids at home. But lately? I'm kind of freaking out."

For the first few months of this experience, people considered it short-term, some thought of it as borrowed time. It was like a break from reality, with some major stress, of course, but they believed there would be a return to normal at some point. Many were even suggesting we take a look at our "normal" and take the opportunity to see the beauty in our current situation and rethink what normal should even look like.

But over the past couple of weeks, we are realizing there is no normal. It could be years before our standard of gatherings and travel change again. Grief has set in for the long haul. Anxiety over the uncertainty is at an all-time high because we have no deadline, not even a consideration for a deadline at this point.

And that's why it's so important to take breaks in our daily lives. We have to find a way to interrupt the stress.

When our brains are filled with Cortisol all day, with constant stress over the future, our decision-making capacity shrinks dramatically. That means that especially in the afternoon, every decision we make gets more difficult and less likely to be a good one. Whether it's what to have for dinner, junk food or truly nourishing brain food, how late we should let the kids stay up and watch movies, or whether to read or watch the news (usually a bad idea in the evening), or how much of that good whiskey we should drink, our decisions have an impact on our mental and emotional health.

Worse is the impact that stress and high levels of Cortisol in our brains are having on our children and the people around us. We may think we're putting on a brave facade, but I promise you the people around you know, maybe not consciously, they feel the stress and anxiety you are producing.

Taking breaks throughout the day and workweek can be really simple. It can be making popcorn and simply watching the machine do its work, focusing your attention completely on the moving, popping kernels. Is there a large, natural park within 90 minutes of your home? GO THERE. Have a tea party with your kids, even if they're older teens, and have them make miniature, crustless sandwiches and no-bake cookies. Look up #30secondsofcalm on Instagram or Facebook and find a video that takes your breath away. Watch a stupid movie, or read a trashy novel for 30 minutes each day.

Have teenagers? Read a ridiculous book out loud together! One of our favorites is to pick out a couple of strange ingredients from our pantry and have an "Iron Chef" competition with our two boys.

Your kids are watching how you handle this, and they will be the ones to tell the story of what it was like to spend this time of uncertainty in their homes and communities. They will talk about the grief of losing loved ones, and the joy of experiencing completely different activities with you. They will have their own stories of missing school and friends, and you have the opportunity to help them shift those stories from a focus on missing out - to a focus on new adventures, experiences no other living generation has experienced. When you talk about what they're missing, you're likely projecting what you would have missed, those experiences you had that you found wonderful or inspiring. Encourage them to share their grief about what they believe they're missing, while making sure they understand that they are in exactly the right place and time to create a completely new future.

There is no path - which means the field is wide open for exploration, it's time to blaze your own trail.

Guide them to write their next story, to focus on what DID happen instead of what DIDN'T.

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Want to see more images and videos of adventure in Montana? Follow me on Instagram, @sarahlynnelkins!

Sarah Elkins is a communication coach, Gallup certified Strengths coach and consultant, and keynote speaker. She loves to guide individuals and teams toward improvement in their communication using storytelling as the foundation of her work. Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will, is available on bookshop.org and amazon.com (audiobook coming fall 2020), and her podcast of the same name can be found in all the usual places. She's also the President of Elkins Consulting, the company making a splash with small, face-to-face, affordable interactive conferences called No Longer Virtual.