What would happen if we suspended our judgements—just for a month?

Like many of us on LI, I'm a doer. Ambitious, driven, hard working, often to the detriment of my emotional and physical health. I have strong beliefs and opinions, which, while maybe(?) well-intentioned, often get expressed in ways that are probably not the most beneficial for anyone. Least of all, for me.

I've been practicing meditation and mindfulness for about 1.5 years now, but it wasn't until I attended an at-home retreat in December that I had a pretty significant "aha" realization:

The root of so much of my personal struggle, and I might even dare to say, the challenges we're going through as a nation right now, are rooted in an often overlooked, but almost universally self-sabotaging habit:

Judgement.

We make value judgements in our everyday lives just about as often, and as unconsciously, as we breathe. We judge other individuals based on their names, their clothes, their hair, their skin, their professions, their education... even their patterns of speech. We judge groups of people based on sweeping generalizations that are rooted in these individual biases, categorically writing off entire sections of our community without even attempting to listen or empathize first (note that I did not say excuse or condone). And we judge ourselves, or at least, I know I do, based on what we've been conditioned to see as imperfections and flaws and mistakes, rather than the basic goodness and kindness and beauty that's inherently inside all of us.

Judgement, in the sense of our Judicial System, is essential to a fair and just society, and to protecting our most basic human rights. People need to be held accountable for their actions, especially when they harm others. But I'm starting to believe that judgement on a more everyday, interpersonal level—without making some kind of effort to understand (or at least acknowledge, even if we can't fully identify with) the unspoken baggage that someone, including ourselves, may be carrying—is how we get to a place where the darkness feels stronger than the light.

So while I didn't make a traditional resolution this year— to workout more, work late less, or have more patience with my kids—I am trying, just for 31 days, to practice "No Judgement January." It's a short enough commitment to be attainable (I hope), but also significant enough to help change my habitual patterns of thinking for the long haul.

In full I disclosure, I made this "No Judgement January" thing up yesterday, after I had already been doing it for the last 10 days, so I'm not following any kind of official roadmap or plan. Just trying to consciously engage in more reading, more meditation, more self-compassion, and more paying attention to myself and those around me.

If any of this sounds interesting to you, let me know. I've got some good books and classes I can recommend, and would LOVE to hear what you've read and experienced, too. (If I did make traditional resolutions, learning ALL THE THINGS would be one of them.) Maybe we can chat about what we've each discovered. Openly. Honestly. Without judgement.

At least until February, anyway.

H/T to Eric Facas and The Empathy Lab for inspiring me to share this.