What are you celebrating?

It is with zero shame that I tell you, we have no Father’s Day plans. For context, we also had no Mother’s Day plans. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate everything my husband does. Far from it. But this has been an all-hands on deck year, and we just didn’t quite get to Father’s Day.

I also have mixed emotions about celebrating Father’s Day in the shadow of what this year has been like for so many mothers. We’re all familiar with the data, and things are not getting better anytime soon. As offices start shifting into the next phase of work, many parents - particularly moms - are concerned about what that will mean for them. The lack of child care and in-person schooling that pushed millions of women out of the workforce since March 2020 has now resulted in fewer and more expensive daycares, leaving parents few choices. Compounding that is another change as some companies start a return to the physical office, limiting or removing flex options. 

As a result, the return of women to the labor force has been slower than predicted, and experts are already saying that we will likely see more women leaving in the coming months as they’re forced to make impossible choices between caring for family and work. 

All of that can make celebrating Father’s Day feel a bit awkward. 

Despite that, we also know men have stepped up this year too. Are they doing the same amount at home as women? No. But the workload overall increased, and both men and women stepped up, albeit unequally. I’m not suggesting that dads get off the hook, nor that we should accept unequal distribution of labor and mental load as an acceptable status quo. I am saying, however, that recognizing progress is important  - especially if you want to continue the forward momentum. 

Last week, Cam Smith wrote about the mental load distribution in his home. What surprised me was how many people wrote in thanking us for publishing that piece. Truthfully, when I read it, I loved hearing his voice; a voice I have come to know and respect as honest and thoughtful. I wasn’t thinking of it as particularly progressive, though. The emails we received thanking us for having a dad talk openly about what it really looks like in a dual-career couple from his view, and for raising what can be a tense issue, reminded me that even talking about these issues is still fairly new, and that we need to keep doing so. It also reminded me how far we’ve come.

I think back to when we were kids. My dad never took more than a day or two of leave with any of his four kids. It wasn’t even a question. Today, his son/son’s in-law have all been fortunate to take paid parental leave with each of their kids. Yesterday, my husband took our son to camp with a group of other dads - nothing weird about it. Companies are starting to talk about equal paid time off, employers are recognizing that father’s deserve and need support as well, and at home we’re making progress towards leveling the playing field. That’s worth celebrating this weekend. 

This Father’s Day, I encourage you to think of the many dads in your life. Think of their interactions with their kids, how they balance work and family, and where we were a decade ago. Changes are coming. I know we have a long road ahead. I recognize we are not there yet. But for Father’s Day, I also want to celebrate how far we have come, even while we think about where we’re going next. Cheers to the progress, and cheers to all the future progress yet to come. Happy Father’s Day. 

Kunik Bites

• Why American women everywhere are delaying motherhood 
• Lack of flex arrangements keep moms from returning to work 
• Companies who focus on their workers will win the war for talent when offices reopen
• I taught online school this year. It was a disgrace. 
• Enough is enough. Majority of working moms aren’t planning on returning to work 
• The return to the office is pushing even more women out of work 
• The unreasonable expectations of American motherhood 
• Forget going back to the office - people are just quitting instead 
• 5 ways employers can support women’s mental health 

Kunik Convos 

• Thoughts on core working hours/days and a flexible schedule outside of that? 
• Did the pandemic make you pause or reconsider starting or adding to your family?
• How much caffeine are you drinking?
• What are you doing for Father’s Day?
• School is out!! How are you feeling about it?
• How are you having genuine, let-loose style fun lately?
• Are you worried about the impact of remote work on your career?