What’s Missing?

Are we changing the conversation around mental health?

I brought Mitch Gray and Kevin R. Strauss, M.E. ☮️❤️🤝 to the virtual table to discuss mental health . . . a broad term with various interpretations. Given that both speakers brought years of practice, expertise, and study to the discussion, I was able to focus this conversation on what mental health is, is not, and how we might look at ourselves differently as being healthy.

I don’t think we really know what being healthy means. Because we have so many distractions, frustrations, and fears, I believe we forgot how to be healthy. I wanted to use this opportunity to investigate the matter.

 My Conversation with Mitch and Kevin

The Speakers

The first speaker was introduced to me by Eileen Bild . She told me that I had to meet Kevin because I was planning to hike the Appalachian Trail in 2025. Kevin is an endurance athlete, and he might be able to provide some insight into how to make my thru-hike a success. Once I had a conversation with Kevin, I learned that he had some insights into emotional wellbeing. I needed to bring him to the conversation!

The other speaker was Mitch Gray. I call Mitch my angel. He is the one person who was there throughout my second suicide attempt. No physically . . . but when I was at my lowest point, he told me I could make it through the pain. He was right. So, when it came time to talk about emotional well-being, I knew I had to bring Mitch into the conversation. With over twenty years of helping people through their own personal challenges, and being a Certified Mental Health Facilitator, it was important to have him as part of the panel. 

Traditional Understanding Limits Us

I didn’t facilitate this conversation to discuss illness, diagnoses, or treatment. My goal was to address what being healthy could . . . should look like. This is not to say that modern psychiatric practice is without value. This is far from my point. Many people have conditions that require medical treatment. Nonetheless, the bigger picture . . . the holistic self . . . is often not addressed.

I wanted to know how we could practice being healthy from a mental, emotional, and spiritual perspective. To start, we needed to redefine terms. Instead of calling this conversation a discussion on mental health, I focused on emotional health and well-being with an emphasis on emotional safety to facilitate healing, hope, and change.

Sometimes our emotions can go unheeded. For example, a child doing his/her best at school can be seen as “never good enough” if that child’s grades are not perfect. Or the spouse/partner arrives home from work exhausted and is not emotionally available to the other person. Or the employee who lost a loved one and must return to work before they are emotionally ready. In these examples, each individual is feeling emotionally bankrupt. No one around them is validating what they are feeling.   

Emotional Bankruptcy

On a grander scale, humans have focused on survival and not on emotional health. Until the 21st century, the main focus of human existence was physical survival . . . obtaining food, shelter, clothing, and so forth. Communities worked together to ensure the survival of the group. In modern, first-world countries, we have access to all of these resources. Aside from maintaining employment, having access to resources is commonplace. During this time, little thought was put into finding the answer to: “How are you?”

As a result, people struggle to understand their own emotions or the emotions of others. We ridicule, minimize, or downplay the value of emotions as part of the human experience. Further, if we are not feeling “good”, “happy”, or in some way the same as everyone else, then we are bad, different, or weird.

Being different in a world where everyone expects us to fit in causes a great deal of stress, anxiety, and fear. In short, it tears at our emotions, causing us pain. And no one wants to feel pain. More to the point, no one knows how to feel the pain in a healthy manner. This results in maladaptive behaviors. We will do anything to stop feeling bad. From drugs and alcohol to bad decision making, to extreme behaviors – we choose behaviors to help us cope with pain.

What’s Missing?

What happens when you give your best, but your best is not good enough? The comparison could be academic, athletic, or relational. When your performance doesn’t measure up to expectations, how are you treated? And how does that make you feel?

How do you feel when you are not validated for the person that you are?

Validation is the art (and science) of recognizing another person’s worth.

Google was nice enough to give me this . . .

Validation is the “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are worthwhile”.

Imagine that! Validating someone’s feelings allows them to feel like they have worth!   

Validate Someone Today and Give Them a Reason to Feel Valued!

Suicide Survivor

As a two-time suicide attempt survivor, I recognize the importance of human connection. When I wanted to die by suicide, I had no one to turn to, to trust in, or tell my story to. This is a lonely experience . . . an experience no one should go through. My mission is to have the conversations . . . and to change the conversation . . . so we are connected and feel validated for our own feelings.

Your Story Matters

If you have made the attempt to end your life, let’s talk. I would like the opportunity to share your story with the world. If you have been left in the wake of someone who has died by suicide, please share your story with me as well.

And if you are still grieving the loss of someone close to you who ended their own life, I know people who can help.

Disclaimer: If you are currently facing levels of stress in your life and are contemplating suicide at this moment, reach out to the credentialed professionals who can help.

SAMHSA & 988 Suicide Prevention Hotline

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | SAMHSA     

About the Author

As an author, podcast host, and purpose-driven/leadership coach, my goal is to help you to redefine your life, get out of your “stuck” situation, and explore your world so you can create real purpose for your life. My book, Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey is a must-read for anyone looking to create real impact and meaning for themselves and others. I have a heart for those who find life intolerable and frustrating (even scary) because I’ve been there. My goal is to have the conversations with each of you so that you feel appreciated, valued, and secure in yourself. Talk soon! 

-          Dr. Keith McNally