When Everyone Else Reacts, Leaders Do This...

This morning, I was listening to a old recording of Ram Dass. In it he said something about responding vs. reacting. I immediately jotted the contrast down for this edition of the newsletter.

Then, I as sat down to write, I was reminded of the following quote by another great thinker:

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." – Viktor Frankl

It's a powerful quote.

And for leaders, it’s an important distinction. That space—the choice to respond rather than react—is what separates true leadership from just being the person in charge.

Let’s unpack this idea, starting with the roots of these words.

Reaction: The Knee-Jerk Response

The word "react" comes from the Latin root re-agere, meaning "to act back."

It implies an automatic, unthinking response to an external stimulus.

Reactions are immediate and often emotional—they’re your survival instinct taking over.

We’ve all been there. A team member misses a deadline. A client sends an angry email. A meeting spirals out of control.

In moments like these, the easiest thing to do is react:

• Snap back with frustration.
• Point fingers.
• Make impulsive decisions to regain control.

These reactions are automatic, emotional, and often short-sighted. They’re driven by survival, not growth. And more often than not, they escalate problems instead of solving them.

Response: The Thoughtful Alternative

The word "respond" originates from the Latin root respondere, meaning "to answer."

Unlike a reaction, a response is deliberate.

It requires thought, consideration, and intention. It’s less about survival and protecting the way things are and instead, about moving forward with clarity and purpose.

Responding then often requires a pause. It’s the art of stepping back, assessing the situation, and choosing your next move intentionally.

This does not mean days or weeks or even hours. It can be as little as 3-5 seconds.

Where reactions are about control, responses are about clarity. They’re grounded in:

• Listening instead of assuming.
• Asking questions instead of assigning blame.
• Seeking solutions instead of venting emotions.

Why This Matters in Leadership

Your team is always watching. How you handle pressure sets the tone for your organization.

• When you react, you model chaos.
• When you respond, you model resilience.

The choice between the two isn’t just about avoiding conflict. It’s about creating trust, stability, and a culture where challenges are met with strength, not panic.

3 Steps to Becoming More Responsive

ONE - Create Space to Pause

When emotions spike, take a deep breath and count to five before speaking. This small pause creates the space to think clearly.

TWO - Seek First to Understand

The easiest way to give yourself time to respond is to ask a clarifying question. For instance, try: “What happened here?” or “How can we address this together?”

And by the way, the tone of your question also matters. It should be calm and curious, not dripping with accusation.

THREE - Choose the Bigger Picture

Before responding, ask yourself: What outcome do I want from this situation? Let that guide your next move.

Oso’s Challenge for the Day

The next time you feel the urge to react, try this: Pause. Take a deep breath. And ask yourself, What’s the best way to respond to this?

Then choose clarity over control.

Oso’s Closing Thought

Great leaders aren’t defined by their ability to react quickly. They’re defined by their ability to respond wisely.

Today, embrace the space between stimulus and response. Lead with intention, and watch how your team follows your example.

Tomorrow, we’ll explore the power of emotional intelligence in decision-making. Until then, lead boldly and respond thoughtfully.

In your corner,

Sean Oso McCool