When Life Happens: How Strong Teams Handle Personal Challenges

A few weekends ago, I found myself grumpy, and I don’t say that lightly. Hosting my husband Doug’s family, I struggled to keep a positive attitude. I wasn’t a hundred percent successful, or even close to it, and I realize that now. 

The heaviness in my heart was overwhelming, and it wasn’t just due to the weekend’s chaos that came along with having a full house. It was about Doug’s ongoing struggle with back pain and the shots he was scheduled to take the following week. 

The prospect of Doug finding some relief did bring a glimmer of hope, but watching him like this for so long (more than a month now) has been painful and taxing. If you’ve ever seen someone you love in constant agony, you know all too well how heart-wrenching it is. 

On top of that, my daughter, who lives across the country, got violently sick. The thought of her suffering without me there to comfort her was unbearable. I considered hopping on a plane to drive her to the ER myself, but I restrained myself, and she rode it out. 

Of course, work was in the background of all of this family drama. Thankfully, I have a strong team that is there for me, so I didn’t have to struggle to manage both. 

In fact, I was merely the last person to rely on our team. That’s because the team does not just exist for me to rely on in times of need. Our team is there to support everyone in our firm, in addition to our clients, something I’m grateful for and realize is an asset to all of us as well as a necessity because life happens. 

When the Sh*t Hits the Fan

This last set of personal challenges, which resulted in my less-than-stellar mood, was a stark reminder of how complicated life can get — and fast. I’m certainly no stranger to that, and the truth is, neither is anyone else. 

We all face our joys and sorrows, never knowing what’s coming next. Which is why having a team to jump in when the sh*t hits the fan is the best way to deal with the challenges that inevitably show up at our door. Tomorrow, it could be me who has to jump into the trenches for someone else in the firm. That’s what teamwork is. 

Though titles vary among us, I’m not at all a fan of hierarchies, and you will be hard-pressed to find hierarchies here. We each have our roles, and every role has a purpose. 

The Makings of a Strong Team

Strength is a meaningless word unless you attribute meaning to it. My not-so-favorite weekend highlighted the crux of what makes our team strong: our ability to maintain continuity at work, even when personal crises hit. 

Strong teams are built on support and understanding. They provide security so that when one member faces a personal challenge, other team members are ready to jump in if they have to in a way that we need them to and maintain the high standards of service and support that our clients expect from us. In other words, everyone feels valued because they and the lives they lead outside the office are valued.

Our team’s commitment, dependability, and resilience allow us to provide uninterrupted services and support to our clients. Continuity of services is one of the hallmarks of legal practice because people depend on us to be there for them not only to provide the services they retain us for but also for guidance, educational, emotional support, and, most importantly, hope.  

Yes, a strong team is what keeps us moving. But more than that, a strong team demonstrates that we, its members, uphold for each other the same trust and reliability our clients depend on us for. If we can’t do that internally, how in the world can we expect to do that for our clients? 

Failing at this would mean we should have no business selling trust and reliability. I didn’t want that to happen, so when we started to experience our most rapid growth during the pandemic, I paused to “get our house in order” first.   

Building a Strong Team

“Shrimp and grits” is one of my favorite Southern recipes. It hails from my old days growing up in New Orleans and now my new days there, thanks to realizing a dream that became a reality recently because I have a strong team to support me. 

You’re probably wondering what in the world my shrimp and grits (and my recipe is amazing, if I do say so myself) have to do with building a strong team. Well, a lot, actually. 

Everyone has a way of cooking their most prized dishes that works for them. They know the ingredients will come together because they’ve tinkered with them over the years, and the dish that ultimately emerges will be one with a flavor they love and return to time and time again because it provides comfort. That’s what comfort food is.  

The same is true of law firm culture. In the same way that not every shrimp and grits dish will evoke a feeling of comfort because the flavors and spices don’t come together to make you think of home, a timeless family recipe, or just a taste you can’t get enough of, firm culture can fall way short if it doesn’t align with your core values. 

Your core values are the spices in your dish that cause you to return to it as leftovers or have you making it again. It’s a dish you never get tired of, no matter how many times you prepare it.

When your firm culture is strong, when it aligns with your core values, you keep coming back. The people you hire want to be there. You want to be there.

You attract the right people when you look to expand or replace a team member who decides to go in another direction to pursue their next dream. I support those next dreams, too, because nothing makes me happier or more proud than seeing a team member improve their life partly due to their experience working with us. 

Firm cultures, like shrimp and grits recipes, vary. But the recipe that keeps me and the people who work with me coming back includes the following. 

Radical Candor

Radical candor goes deeper than communicating openly. First popularized by Kim Scott, radical candor means you care personally while challenging directly. That doesn’t, however, mean you’re unkind in your assessments. On the contrary, you challenge the people you work with because your greatest pleasure would be to see them grow. 

Sometimes, it means they leave your organization. Though you may be sad to see them go, in your heart, you know it’s a good day, and you’re happy for them. 

Mutual Support

It’s not enough to pledge that we will support our teammates if they have a personal issue at home; the systems have to be in place to jump in and jump out of a matter if needed. We worked to get them in place. 

Every person involved in a particular matter inputs their progress to a program that keeps the rest of the team in the loop. If someone is facing a personal crisis, going on vacation, or taking a day off, no one is left in the dark. 

Flexibility

Such a high level of support and teamwork allows for increased flexibility. This was incredibly important to me as a once-divorced mom of four who homeschooled her four kids. Yikes. 

If I had a work environment that allowed me to work early in the mornings, spend time with my kids during the day, and work at night, my life would have looked a hell of a lot different in those years. 

That image stuck with me, so I wanted to find ways to give flexibility to the people who work with me. My latest endeavor: moving from a 40-hour workweek to a 30-hour one with no reduction in pay or benefits. Only more opportunities and incentives to enrich our lives in the areas we want to. 

Leadership Mentality

The thing about balanced teams is that everyone pulling the rope matters, which means everyone on the team is a leader in their own right. Though we work remotely, we speak to each other often and meet in virtually in groups. 

We also meet in person a few times a year at retreats or at smaller gatherings. Voices and ideas matter, and everyone’s voices and ideas are welcome. 

Individual Support

Support isn’t just for the team; it’s for the individuals on the team. If they need to call on it, it’s there. In addition to flex time, team members have mental health programs available to them, such as counseling services and a monthly allowance they can use in any way that supports self-care. 

The Power of Looking for the Best in People

When you look for the best in people, whether the people you work with or your family and friends, it’s harder to get angry. Unfortunately, it happens still, like it happened to me on that ordinary weekend filled with entertaining, something I normally enjoy. 

I wasn’t at my best, and I realized it, though not soon enough. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t still do something about it. There’s a power of looking for the best in people, and “people” should also include us. 

Once I realized I wasn’t being my normal self, I turned that mirror around and asked some powerful questions: Why was I behaving in the way I was, what could I do to change my mindset, and how could I get back to being the best version of myself?

My answer is grace. I’ve strived to show grace to others and am usually pretty good at it, but I have been less successful in showing it to myself over the years. That didn’t mean apologies weren’t also in order; they were, and I doled them out. 

It felt good. That was me, the me I like, looking for the best in myself. That’s not always easy, and sometimes, it’s necessary to realign ourselves in order to find it. Challenges offer us those chances. 

Growth is painful, and Doug’s back pain feels like an embodiment of that pain. But we will emerge from it, no doubt stronger, wiser, and more evolved from the experience.      

If you're interested in learning more about Elise Buie Family Law Group and the possibility of joining our team, please check out our current job openings.

Elise Buie is a Seattle divorce and family lawyer and founder of Elise Buie Family Law Group, a law firm devoted to divorce and family law and estate planning. A champion for maintaining civility throughout the divorce process, Elise advocates for her clients and the best interests of their children, helping them move forward with dignity and from a position of strength.