For when it sucks and we are stuck.

What can we do when we cannot change our circumstances?

Often in our lives, we find ourselves in undesired circumstances. Stuck in jobs, we don’t like navigating the troubled seas of unemployment or dealing with the nerve-wracking anxiety of where our life is leading us.

Today I want to focus on our jobs as an example - but surely, you can use the following for other things in your life.

Much has been said about dream jobs and the fulfillment that comes with them. But many of us might find ourselves in a job we don’t like or doesn’t fulfill us. As the economy and the job market go nowadays, this reality might be more common than we think. Leaving some of us in a position of not even afford to look for a better one and take the risk.

As in jobs, so in life, we will find ourselves in circumstances we didn’t ask for and cannot change. These situations breed resentment and frustration, affecting your job performance, personal life, and physical and mental health.

It sucks, but not all is lost. Can we do anything when we find ourselves in circumstances we cannot change? Yes, and we have more control than we think.

So how can we make the most of it and make it work for our benefit and growth?

1. Accept where you are
2. Revisit and understand the reasons that brought you here
3. Check the storyline
4. Have a vision of how to use the situation in our favor and make it work for you
5. Focus on yourself and what can you change
6. Use it as our dojo to practice self-development

1. Accept where you are 

No judgment, no stories, no struggle. Just acceptance or at least acknowledgment. The act of acceptance centers you and allows you to be honest with yourself. The more we resist accepting where we are, the more energy we spend ruminating and the less energy we have to move forward or make the best of it.

It might hurt, but acceptance is the beginning of letting go of attachment to what holds us back.

2. Revisit and understand the reasons that brought you here

As we go through life, the daily grind becomes the weekly grind, which turns into the monthly grind, and the loop continues. We tend to forget what brought us here and why we are doing this. It becomes a given.

Forgetting why we endure the circumstances and losing touch with our intention can be damaging. Taking stock of what needs this job satisfies, who benefits from it, and what it enables is a significant first step in gaining perspective.

• I’m doing this to sustain my family. My children benefit from having an employed parent who can provide
• I’m doing this because it provides an income and allows me to be financially independent.
• I’m doing this because I aim to pay a big part of my credit as soon as possible to have a home I can call mine.
• I'm doing this because I need to care for someone who cannot care for himself for health reasons.

The list goes on, and we are in our circumstances because a mix of life choices and universal randomness brought us here.

3. Check the storyline

We are animals wired to attach meaning to the things we do. It’s almost as if the universe does not make sense without one, although it does from specific points of view (but that’s for another time).

Meaning has a lot to do with the stories we tell ourselves. As storytelling animals, we are at the center of our narrative - we can be victims, heroes, bystanders, or villains. We tend to choose to be either a hero or a victim more often than not. What story are you telling yourself? Which role are you playing?

By finding meaning during hardships, we find pockets of hope and create opportunities for growth to flourish. Meanings and purposes are like organisms; they change, evolve and renew. How are you playing with that?

4. Have a vision of how to use the situation in our favor and make it work for you

When we are in difficult or undesired circumstances, a knew-jerk reaction kicks in: we want out, we want different, everything but this. That’s not always possible. 

I saw it in myself and the people I work with. We often forget to look for the option “How can I make this work for me?” and to engage in the process of reflection and visualization of making this work.

Many good things come from exploring the opportunities that lie in the discomfort. 

Discovering and shaping them into something that works for us it’s a cathartic experience. Instead of seeing ourselves in a loop, we can’t see to brake. We can see it as a playing ground for learning and self-development. 

By having a vision, we can become clear and intentional about our actions and what we want to take from the experience. It stops the mental chatter and changes the narratives we have with ourselves.

In the discomfort lies the opportunity.

5. Focus on yourself and what you can change

Knowing what you want to get out and how you relate to your circumstances informs what you can practically do and change about it. It guides which steps to take, where to invest, what to develop, and where to grow. It makes it intentional. 

For example, if you are in a job you don’t like and have trouble setting up boundaries, it can be an opportunity to understand why you can’t set up boundaries in the first place and train how to start practicing them. You become intentional about making this job work for you: using it as a training ground to develop boundaries. This will be valuable on many levels, now and in the future.

If you are a perfectionist, you tend to overthink your work, affecting your performance, even in things you dislike. You can work on that part of yourself and address that mindset and behavior in a context where you don’t have much to lose.

The examples are infinite and very personal. The idea is to use this experience to understand yourself better, identify things you want to change or evolve and use the time to play and experiment with what works for you.

If you aim to get paid by the end of the month while surfing a bad economic wave until you find something better, how are you making sure you can use it to leverage your self-development and contribute to future goals?

6. Use it as our dojo. Practice, practice, practice…

Very little come without practice. If you are already in the hamster wheel, how can you ensure each spin is worth it and contributes to something bigger?

Practice it in each spin. Be intentional and mindful. Don’t forget where you are heading and why you are here.

This is a process of self-discovery and transformation. Takes time, love, and dedication. Investing in ourselves is the best investment, no matter where we are. Making the best of our circumstances can be challenging, and we might need some help here and there.

But at the end of the day, it’s worth it because we are taking control of ourselves, our narratives, and our direction. 

We and those who depend on us will benefit significantly from that.

You have more in you than you think.

Struggling to make something work for you? Let me support you.

If you have been laid off or lost your job, check my 90-min coaching session to help you move on.