Who Are You Really?

Hello Amazing Readers,

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Who am I really?” Not the version of yourself that you present to the world, but the real, unfiltered you. For a long time, I didn't know who I really was. I was the good daughter, the good girlfriend, the good friend, and the good employee. Always putting others' needs above my own, I wore masks to disguise how I felt. I felt like a clown, constantly performing to meet the expectations of others.

Growing up, I had to tiptoe around my parents, always trying to gauge their moods to determine if it was safe to act or say something, or if I had to hide. This became a pattern, and I unconsciously sought out boyfriends and bosses who were similar, allowing me to stay in my familiar patterns of behavior. The constant act of wearing these masks and neglecting my own needs resulted in two severe burnouts.

Understanding myself was a long and difficult journey. But today, I know what I want and need, and most importantly, I know who I am.

The Masks We Wear

Psychologists have long studied the concept of the “false self” — the version of ourselves we present to meet the expectations of others. Dr. Donald Winnicott, a renowned psychoanalyst, introduced this idea, explaining that the false self emerges to protect the true self in an unaccepting environment. For me, the masks I wore as the “good” everything were my false self, protecting me in an environment where I felt I couldn’t be myself.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, people who engage in high levels of self-concealment are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, and depression. The emotional toll of hiding our true selves can be devastating.

Breaking the Pattern

My journey to discovering who I really am was not easy. It involved unlearning patterns that had been ingrained in me from a young age. I had to learn to identify and understand my own needs, which was a foreign concept to me. It required a lot of introspection and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths about myself.

A turning point for me was realizing that I had a choice. I could continue to live my life according to the expectations of others, or I could start living for myself. It’s a concept echoed by Carl Jung, who said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

The Importance of Self-Discovery

Understanding who you are and what you need is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being. Research has shown that self-awareness is linked to higher levels of happiness and satisfaction. A study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that individuals who are more self-aware are better able to manage their emotions and stress, leading to greater overall well-being.

Self-discovery isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous process. It’s about peeling back the layers of conditioning and expectations to reveal your authentic self. It’s about recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, and what truly matters to you.

Steps to Discovering Your True Self

1. Reflect on Your Past: Take some time to reflect on your life and the patterns that have emerged. What roles have you played? What masks have you worn? Understanding these patterns is the first step to breaking them.
2. Listen to Your Emotions: Your emotions are powerful indicators of your true self. Pay attention to how you feel in different situations. Are you acting out of obligation or genuine desire?
3. Identify Your Needs: What do you need to feel fulfilled and happy? This can be a challenging question to answer if you’ve spent your life prioritizing others’ needs. Start small and build from there.
4. Set Boundaries: Learning to say no and setting boundaries is crucial. It’s not selfish to prioritize your well-being. In fact, it’s essential for your mental health.
5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who accept and support you for who you are. This can be friends, family, or a therapist. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see yourself more clearly.

Discover the Sunrise Process

If you're feeling lost or unsure where to start, my Sunrise Process can help guide you towards understanding your true self. This step-by-step program is designed to help you peel back the layers and uncover who you really are.

The Path to Self-Love

Discovering who you really are is the foundation of self-love. When you understand and accept yourself, you can begin to treat yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve. Brené Brown, a research professor and author, said it best: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”

Today, I know what I want and need, and who I am. But it was a long learning curve and a very difficult path to understanding myself. If you’re on a similar journey, remember that it’s okay to take your time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.

Explore More with the 30-Day Self-Love Journal

To help you dive deeper into your self-discovery journey, I’ve created a 30-Day Self-Love Journal. This journal is filled with prompts and exercises designed to help you explore your true self and build a foundation of self-love.

Your journey to self-discovery is one of the most important journeys you’ll ever take. It’s not about becoming someone new, but about uncovering the person you’ve always been. Embrace the process, and you’ll find that the person underneath the masks is someone truly extraordinary.

Wishing you strength and clarity on your journey,

Daniela

P.S. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, I’m here to help. Check out my free stress assessment—find the link in my bio. Let’s navigate this journey together! 🌟

#stressmanagement #leadership #personaldevelopment