“who’s medals are ya wearin luv?” Mel O'Sullivan

1.What inspired you to transition from military to civilian life, and how did you prepare for this significant change?

My transition from the military was not voluntary and the speed and poor management of my discharge meant that I was pretty much completely unprepared for the change.

My advice to current serving personnel is that you should always keep in mind the eventuality that you will be leaving the military – either voluntarily after a long period of service or involuntarily as was the case with me.

Maintain a growth mindset and maintain your personal connections, know that you are a survivor. Know that in today’s modern world there is no such thing as a permanent job.

Take some time to think at least once every year on what you would do if your current career choice was no longer an option for you.

2. Could you describe your current role in civilian life and how you arrived at this path?

I think they call my current situation is politely referred to as a sabbatical – I am between roles again. My career right now is back in a state of transition – has been for the last four years or so. The difference between this phase of my life and my transition from the military is that the choice to change this time has been mine the whole time.

What that means is I am still trying different things, testing and adjusting, trying to find my niche. I’d be lying if I said I was comfortable in this situation – I’m a woman in her fifties getting close to that “pre retirement” demographic in an increasingly ageist world. It’s getting harder and harder to sell my transferrable generalist skill set. It also takes a lot more work to stay up to date with the industry and stay competitive in the current job market.

In conversation with another woman in my circle recently I mentioned my concerns that my CV is starting so show a few too many job changes in recent years (a mix of short term contracts and redundancies). She pretty much refiled my wineglass and said “don’t sweat it. You have a mountain of transferrable skills” and reminded me that the expected number of careers for an individual these days is anywhere between five and seven. I’m still trying to establish myself in number three – so I’d better get used to the idea.

3.During your transition, what obstacles did you encounter, and what strategies proved instrumental in overcoming them?

Obstacles – pretty much all of them I think.

My transition was not my choice and I fought that for over 20 years. I was never going to reach a point of acceptance without professional assistance/counselling. Don’t be too proud to get professional help if you need it – and get it sooner rather than later.

Male veterans face challenges that most people in the street are familiar with. Women veterans face additional challenges proving credibility, overcoming imposter syndrome, overcoming prejudice and being a cultural misfit. We are still very much a minority in the demographic. After all – what male veterans get called “darl” on ANZAC Day and ever get asked “who’s medals are ya wearin luv?” We have a long way to go on that one.

4. In what ways have your military skills and experiences been an asset in your civilian career?

Ha ha. There isn’t enough space here to answer that question meaningfully. I wouldn’t have the skill set I have if it weren’t for the military.

I can say that one of the only things I had going for me in the early days of transition is that I never doubted that I could rely on the skill set I had – and I can honestly say that when I failed or struggled it was not because I lacked the skills I needed to do any of the jobs I have taken on. Most of my challenges lay in convincing others of the value of the skill set and learning appropriate emotional and social intelligence skills.

I will say that whatever you choose to take on in your civilian career know that your military skill set is a solid rock foundation to build from.

5. Are there any resources, networks, or strategies you found invaluable during your transition that you’d recommend to others?

I think it’s a mistake to ever draw a line in the sand and tell yourself “my transition from the military is now done”. The fact is I’m still learning the tools to deal with the military/civilian disjoint in daily life. Some of that is to do with the poor handling of my discharge but most of that disjoint lies in the fact that I see problems and risk in a different light. I handle pressure situations differently.

The most valuable formal micro learning I’ve done in the last few years was a little WYWM How to Network Course (called COMPAS). I believe it’s dropped off the curriculum but learning how to effectively build and maintain professional networks has been the biggest game changer for me career wise in the last five years. There are plenty of free “How to Network” resources in places like Youtube, LinkedIn Learning. Just Google it – but make sure you learn it.

Strategy wise – develop and maintain a growth mindset if you don’t already have one. Learn to be open to new experience and accepting of failure – in yourself and in others. Understand that your first career opportunity post transition may not necessarily work out. Remember that life is a marathon – not a sprint.

6. Reflecting on your transition, what piece of knowledge or advice do you wish had been shared with you beforehand?

Whatever you do – maintain your personal connections with your people and your tribe. Governments won’t help you. Policies won’t help you. Veteran Agencies won’t solve your problems for you. Veteran charities can only do so much for you. Strangers won’t help you. Civilians will not understand what matters to you or what you are going through.

Keep the people that matter to you close – and talk to them regularly.

7. How did you navigate the shift in identity from being in the military to reintegrating into civilian life, and what helped you through this process?

It’s been a rough ride.

It took me 20 years post transition to really examine and better understand the role identity plays in the transition process. To use a navigation analogy I was pretty much shipwrecked without notice on a desert island – cut off from anyone with any kind of meaningful understanding of the issues faced by women veterans in their thirties. I spent the best part of twenty years feeling like a failure and trying to deal with my mental health issues without professional assistance. It’s kind of a bit of a small miracle that I am still standing in some ways.

Accessing professional counselling was the only way I could safely re-examine and reframe my sense of identity. Happy to say I have grown from “failed military mental basket case” to “camouflage cowgirl survivor”.

Know that while you have every right to be proud of your military life, what you do is not who you are – and your worth to yourself, your family and your community is not defined by the medals you wear.

8. What aspects of military life do you find yourself missing the most, and how do you keep those memories alive?

Honestly? In the early years the thing I found hardest to deal with was the boredom. By comparison the jobs were boring and unstimulating. Reduced financial circumstances and almost no travel for work meant home life was pretty boring too. My world got a lot smaller real fast and I didn’t like it. I went through a number of jobs in the early years so you can bet I missed that feeling of job security.

It's a totally un PC thing to admit to but I found most of the people I encountered kind of insular and a bit boring too.

I missed my tribe badly – but I was too ashamed of my medical discharge situation to talk to anyone who knew me. Friends have since told me that they way they saw it I pretty much just dropped off the radar.  

It turns out I blocked out most of my memories from my life in the military – both good and bad.

In the last few years these wonderful people have been gifting some of those memories back to me – it has been like someone putting back foundation stones that I didn’t even know were missing.