Why do Keralites don’t appreciate anyone in general? What have I learned about Kerala’s society over the years?

Dear friends,

I’ve always wondered why Keralites don’t appreciate anyone in general. This is not a criticism, just an observation.

Kerala’s geography includes villages, small towns, big towns, and tier 2 cities. Kerala as a state does not have a large metropolitan city like Mumbai or Delhi. In short, the state as a whole remains a large village. Nothing changes because the local culture does not value new information, ideas, or disruptive innovations, and the state lacks an entrepreneurial mindset. The majority of Keralites are either employees or self-employed working class. This state’s business community is extremely narrow. People of different economic classes coexist in their communities; the chances of collaboration are slim because everyone vouches for themselves.

Even the school system in this state does not encourage students to stand out because the vast majority live in a collective cultural cluster lifestyle. Whoever tries to stand out, others will try to bring him down. People make a lot of judgments and criticisms, and they don’t collaborate unless it’s mutually beneficial. It’s a major cultural issue here.

When I compliment Keralites on anything, say, a nice photograph or performance, they are surprised. Because no one appreciates anyone here, and everyone competes with everyone else.

When you compliment a Kerala girl on her beauty or features, they perceive it as a creepy approach. They act like a privileged, unavailable chick. Accepting compliments is difficult for them because it is not a cultural practice here. They interpret ‘compliments’ as an attempt to establish a connection and make use of them. That’s the thing. It’s social conditioning.

This applies to everything; Keralites do not even learn anything new every day. I believe that NRI Malayalees are far better because they have traveled to other cultures and countries, gaining experience in cultural diversity and individualism.

After all these years, I’ve realized how difficult it is to collaborate with the locals here. I mean, if you are honest, kind, and civilized, they will see it as an opportunity to exploit you. You keep providing, and they keep benefiting while never appreciating you. It happened to me so many times.

Social competition is highly toxic in this state. Here, everything revolves around social status and money. Occupation-based associations, ideology-based associations, and common objective-based associations are constantly ruining the social fabric here. 'Us ‘vs. Them’ is the motto. You are not supposed to have an individual identity here because the culture discourages individuals from standing out as original.

What am I learning more about the society in Kerala?

I've always enjoyed breaking stereotypes, being free-spirited, and being independent of social hierarchy. When you are bound by so many restrictions and limitations, you cannot grow as a well-rounded human being. Anyway, that's my spirit!

When I interact with Nepali workers in my town’s hotels and some Bengali workers in the surrounding area, my own people stare at me. I can speak Hindi and understand their lifestyle. I have no reservations about talking to them or having a cup of tea with them. This is normal for me. They find it a strange thing here.

I shall give so many incidents from my own experience here.

When I started playing with schoolchildren and building a club here, a lot of people my age asked me:

— " Ninaku tharathil poyi kalichu koode? “

(“why are you still playing with kids?”)

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Many of the old men who are watching the world from their balcony asked me.

— “Ipoyum kalichu nadakuvano, ninaku paniyeduthu jeevichoode?”

(" Why do you still playing around? Why can’t you go get a job and live?”)

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Many 70s and 80s kids’ aunties advised me,

— “Nee ingine kalyanam oke kazhikathe kalichu nadanno, Vayassan kalathu arum koode kanathilla.”

(“ You do continue to play at this age. Nobody will take care of you in old age.”)

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Many relatives came to my house and threatened me.

— “Ini ninaku pennu kitathilla, Nee Karanam nammalde kudumbathinte peranu pokunathu, nee ividuthe reethiku jeevikan padiku.”

(“ You won’t get any girls here. You are ruining our family’s reputation. You must learn to live with the lifestyle here.")

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Many well-wishers around my neighbourhood spoke to me,

— “Ninaku ithrem vidyabhyasam oke undello, ninaku Dubai ku thirichu poykoode, veruthe enthine veetuakare parayipikunne?”

(“ You are very well-educated, right? Why don’t you move back to Dubai? Why are you harming your parents’ reputation here?")

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The list goes on, brothers! Ha ha!

How to deal with the society in Kerala?

Over the years, I understood that being friendly with the poor people on the other side of town is something new for them. Many known relatives and neighbors questioned why I was interacting with them. They are from a lower caste/community. It is not considered an acceptable practice here. I did not understand why in the early days.

My grandfather and father were congressmen, and our family has a history in local politics. As a child, I used to accompany my father to these people’s homes. Most of them continue to speak with me because they value my father’s social work and contributions to community development. I get it. They are like my own kind because they are from my hometown.

I only dislike rude, arrogant, and uncivilized people because I do not want to lose my cool. They are negative, toxic energy suckers who do nothing productive in society. Over the years, I learned how to deal with the lower classes of society. There are two ways to survive in Kerala’s society:

1. Be only good to those who treat you well. Respectful people understand the language of respect and connect with others like them.

2. Be a badass to people who are not civilized. They only understand the language of aggression and respect people who are more violent than them.

Now, the option is which one to choose.

Let me add more.

Well, here is the ugly truth I’ve realized about Keralite's socialization. It is based on social status and wealth. Doctors only associate with other doctors, lawyers with other lawyers, businessmen with other businessmen, government employees with other government employees, working class with working class, and daily wage workers with other labor class members. In Kerala’s social situation, you can’t stand interacting with people from all classes. If you do, you belong nowhere. Everyone in your social class will hate and isolate you.

You must identify your social class and only associate with them. Kerala’s social fabric is extremely rigid. If you come from a wealthy family and interact with people who are less wealthy than you, many of your well-off friends will avoid you. At the same time, if you come from a working-class family and interact with middle-class or wealthy family members, your own social class will isolate and despise you.

There is a collective mindset here. Priests, social workers, and politicians are the only people who interact with everyone in society. It’s part of their job. That’s why it’s acceptable to do it for them. Even they have their own subgroups within their social class. In short, Kerala society is more rigid and ultra-conservative in all senses.

Hmm… Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong place and dealing with unsuitable circumstances.

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Chalo, let things happen as they come.

Thank you for reading!

Be happy!