Why Fake It till You Make It May Not Be Working for You
Carol Stewart MSc, FIoL
Coaching Psychologist | Executive, Career, Leadership Coach Specialising in Introverted Leaders, Women, & Underrepresented Groups – Coaching You to Lead with Confidence, Influence, and Impact | Speaker | Trainer
There are many people who advocate acting confident even though you don’t feel it, saying, the more frequently you do it, the more confident you will become. I often have to deal with the aftermath with people who have followed the fake it till you make it advice who, as a result of following that advice, have ended up feeling more anxious, stressed and overwhelmed.
Whilst this advice may be good for some situations, it might not be good in everything and there are some situations where faking it alone is not going to cut it for you.
If it is an inherent belief
If you really believe something is going to happen, no matter how many times you stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself it’s not, it is not necessarily going to make you feel more confident. Because you truly believe that it will happen, it is not going to stop you feeling anxious about what it is that you need to do.
If you believe that you are going to fail, mess up, make a fool of yourself or whatever else it is that you are worrying about, even if you fake it and go ahead and do what it is that you need to do, chances are, because you are so anxious and stressed, you’re not going to perform to the best of your ability.
Although people may tell you that you can do it, if you don’t believe it, you will not feel and act confident. In fact, it could even make you feel worse.
Your lack of self belief will shine through
If you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities, that lack of belief in yourself is likely to come through and it won’t instil confidence in others about your ability.
Even though you may be faking it, your actions and behaviour may come across as just that, a fake. It may not come across as natural and you may not appear authentic. A lack of authenticity will make it more difficult for you to connect with others and gain their trust.
Where does your belief come from?
Where does your belief come from anyway? Is it based on past experience? Is it because you are uncertain about what it is that you need to do? Is it because someone once told you that you would never achieve? Identify where that belief comes from and challenge it. Just because you believe it, it doesn’t automatically mean that it is true.
How well do you know your stuff?
How well do you know and understand what it is that you need to do? Is your knowledge and understanding up to speed? Having good knowledge and understanding of what it is that you need to do will in itself make you feel more confident about the subject matter.
Having the confidence that you know your stuff means all you need to work on now is developing your confidence with the execution of the task.
Develop your skills
If you don’t have the skills needed, regardless of how much you try to fake it, you definitely won’t be making it.
Have you got the necessary skills? If not, what can you do to acquire them? Or, do you have the skills but need to brush up on them? Identify how you can develop the skills that are needed to do what it is that you want to do and invest some time in developing them.
Having the level of skills needed to do the task will make things so much easier for you.
Plan and prepare
I am often surprised about the number of people I meet who lack confidence about something but yet do very little planning and preparation for it. A good example of this is when it comes to interviews.
How well do you plan and prepare for the thing that you lack confidence in? A bit of planning and preparation will take you a long way.
If the worst was to happen, what could you do?
What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to go ahead and do what it is that you want to do? What is it that you worry about and if this was to happen, what could you do?
If you know your stuff, have the requisite skillset, have planned and prepared for it, what are the chances of your worst nightmare happening anyway? Hopefully your response to that question will be that the chances are very small, if not at all. If it’s not, rationalising the worst possible outcome will make what you have to do seem less daunting once you realise that, no matter what, you will be ok.
Faking it till you make it can be stressful, overwhelming and make you feel even more anxious as you pretend to be something that you don’t have the self belief to do. Whilst there are some instances where faking it till you make it may work, in my opinion it is better to deal with the source of your fear so that you can be your natural, authentic self, because that is where you will find your confidence.
What has your experience of faking it till you make it been? Have you ever faked it and then made it, or faked it and ended up feeling worse? I would love to hear how it has been for you so please share your comments below.
ABOUT ME:
I am The Coach for High Achieving Introverted Women, a Writer, Speaker, UK top 50 Business Adviser and the founder of Abounding Solutions. I help introverted women to be authentic, bold, confident leaders and excel in their careers and businesses. I also help organisations develop the talent pipeline of female employees so that more women make it to senior management roles.
I write here on LinkedIn, on my website and on Huffington Post on subjects to help women achieve optimal potential in their careers and businesses.
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8yCarol, I enjoyed this article. When I was young (in my twenties) I used to 'fake' confidence all the time 1) because a sort of inherent confidence that I was invincible, and a certain (what we call in Australia) arsiness, made this fairly easy, 2) because I had very few skills and very little experience; I was travelling around my country so I could gain experience in different types of work and get to know my country at the same time, and the only way to get a job in something that I had little experience in (and wasn't sure I could really do) was to say and try to feel that I was confident I could do it. I must say, this strategy worked for me 99% but only because it wasn't actually 'fake' at all, because I have always had an inner confidence that tells me that even if it looks like something is far too difficult to do, I can still do it. Nowadays, I'm extremely honest about what I can and can't do when it comes to my professional (editing, writing etc.) I am confident in my area of expertise but am realistic and do not pretend to be confident about things I'm not expert in. In my line of work, that is, just being professional. But when it comes to doing things that I'm not being paid to do - i.e. hobbies and self-development - that innate confidence allows me to test the boundaries and grow.
Call us for a free discussion about writing, editing, typing, memoirs, poetry, self-publishing... Or anything to do with our passion, creating beautiful books
8yTo continue my comments: my inner confidence has always and continues to help me, particularly when confronted by something unusual, challenging or scary. Where does the confidence come from? I believe it's from two things: 1) a very loving family upbringing that instilled in me at an early age that I am loved and loveable, and 2) I born in Australia and I am pale-skinned. I know this gives me opportunities that dark-skinned Aboriginal and immigrant Australians do not have; it gives me an unfair advantage. It allows me to be quite confident that most people - employers or clients, for example - won't denigrate me, won't think I'm inferior, due to the colour of my skin or my accent. I greatly admire dark-skinned and especially Aboriginal people (who cop the worst of racism in Australia) who are able to be confident about their self-worth and who they are.
Georgetown University ‘21
8yI abhor "fake it until you make it" those who adopt this strategy never actually make it. It is more important to me that people feel comfortable advocating for themselves and find out how to achieve a goal instead of pretending to know how. Most people can see through the BS anyway and it comes off as disingenuous.
Director of Strategic Development at Sunshine Coast Health Centre
8yIf a person is trying to be an authentic human being, faking it may be problematic.
Partner in Royal Transitioning Programs
8yHow do you feel about changing the terminology? Have you heard the term :daring greatly? Of course folks need to add to the skill level and be prepared, but sometimes you have to do things:feeling afraid, feeling like a fraud, or feeling like you are not enough.