Why Holding on Holds you Back

It’s my birthday this week and every year I reflect on what I’ve learned since the last one. I’ve shared many lessons about acceptance, growth, discomfort… But you know what stands out the most this past year for me? Especially, after launching our new website and brand we’ve been working on for much of it… 

The outcome we want is a result of trusting the work you put in, not forcing the result to come out.

I saw this article a while back about how the Navy Seals do an exercise called drown-proofing. Picture this: hands and feet tied, instructors toss students into nine feet of water. Your mission? Survive for five minutes. Those who panic are pulled out and fail. Some have even tragically lost their lives. But many pass this test because they understand a critical lesson: the more you struggle to stay afloat, the more likely you are to sink.

To pass, you must relax. Let yourself sink. When you hit the bottom, push up to the surface for a breath. Repeat. The brutal truth? The more you try, force, or fight, the more likely you are to fail. Panicking burns more oxygen, reducing your chance of survival. Struggling with bound hands and feet only drags you down faster.

This doesn’t mean don’t practice. Or don’t put in the effort. Or stop making attempts. Or stop caring. 

The takeaway is: holding on too hard only holds us back. We must let go and trust – trust our preparation, our practice, our process. We must put in the work – and trust it – but be unattached to the outcome to achieve it. The more attached we are to the outcome (“trying”), the less likely we are to realize it.

 When we are committed, but unattached… we no longer have to mentally or emotionally fight the current circumstances. It frees us of manipulating, forcing, convincing – to be present and function most effectively in the moment with the tools we already have. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you this is one of the hardest things to do. I always want the perfect outcome, but the harder I try for a specific outcome, the more I fail at it. Only through a deep trust am I learning to let go of my attachment to the outcome in order to achieve it. 

As I celebrate this trip around the sun, I remind myself—and you—to trust. Trust in the work, trust in the process, trust in the practice – but let go of the outcome to let new (and probably breakthrough) results unfold.