Why I Fight: Story #1

<On an unexpected call with a C-Level executive at my client>

Mary: "Hi, Rolly! Good morning! Gosh how is it in Colorado today? It has been cold here."

I had talked to Mary a couple of times already over the past 6 months and she was... a jerk. She didn't listen, didn't say anything nice, and just seemed like a miserable person. So, her opening on this early morning call was... suspicious.

Me: "Good here. It has been cold and snowing a lot. Today though, it looks to be less of that. So I am happy for a break from the snow."

Mary: <more small talk, totally out of character, sounded like she was reading a script>

Mary: "So I wanted to give you a call to give you some feedback on the call we just had last week with that new prospect."

Me: <starting to catch on> "Oh, okay."

Mary: "So a couple of things... why would you wear a grey sweatshirt to a client/prospect meeting? I think that was very unprofessional."

Me: "Grey sweatshirt? I don't even own a grey sweatshirt. You're saying I was wearing a grey sweatshirt? Even if I had one, I wouldn't wear it for a meeting with a client/prospect."

Mary: "Yes, you were wearing a sweatshirt and that was just not how we do things here."

Me: <audible chuckle> "Ummm. Let me think... what was I wearing..."

Mary: "I just told you. You were wearing a sweatshirt."

Me: <like a lightning bolt hit me, I remembered> "Oh... haaaaa... Ok. I was wearing my blue sweater... and it is a super fancy, expensive sweater. Ok. Yes, that is what I was wearing. My fancy blue sweater. Because it was below zero outside and I was freezing on that call... it was an early morning call so I put on my sweater."

Mary: "Well... it was a grey sweatshirt and it was inappropriate."

Me: <audible chuckle> "No seriously, I wore my blue sweater. I remember because I kind of hate sweaters and I only have ONE sweater and I wore it for the call instead of my button up or my blazer which would be my typical other choices."

Mary: "You can call it a sweater if you want but it was grey and it looked bad."

Me: <loudest chuckle so far> "Ok... so you called me to tell me that I don't know what color my clothes are? And that the my fancy sweater wasn't good enough for that call?"

This went on with some other complaints like... that I turned my camera and mic off twice (for about 30 seconds) as I sneezed a couple of times and this was surely disorienting for the prospect and some other odd things.

After a handful of odd complaints...

<silence for about 30 seconds>

Mary: "So? What are you thoughts?"

Me: "Well... I don't really have any at the moment."

Mary: <loud laughter> "Well it seems like you are just blowing me off."

Me: "Ok... so, if your intention was to tell me your thoughts, I heard them all and so I don't think that is blowing you off. If your expectation was that I would say something back... well, maybe if you told me that you were going to set up a call to give me some critical feedback and you'd like to get my thoughts, live on that upcoming call, I probably would have responded to that heads up that I may not have things to say in the moment depending on the feedback. And after all that, once we were on the call after your feedback, like right now, I'd just say that I know you are hoping for some immediate thoughts on your feedback but at the moment, critiques of my allergies and my suspicious color-blindness are leaving me a little blank on 'thoughts'."

Mary: "Well, whatever. You're just blowing me off. Good bye."

During this call, Veronica had walked up to me in my office (we WFH) with a concerned face as she could tell my tone was different than usual. She said, "Is everything ok? You sounded very serious."

I took a pause and then called a couple of people within my client I had gotten to know better and shared with them what had gone down to get their input. One person told me this...

"Oh that sounds right. She is well known for abusing people. In fact, in one situation I was connected to she told one of our newest team members that she should wait a couple of months to see any clients in person so she has some time to lose some weight."

And let me tell you... this is an company in the network of firms all guiding and advising executive teams around the US. Some of the Boards and Executive Teams that are being advised by Mary and others are Fortune 1000 firms... and I say that to mean... these are the people advising executives on things that most certainly effect you and your family and friends. And I let a few other C-Level team members know at my client what had happened and let's just say that it was viewed as unfortunate but no action was taken.

This is why I fight.

For that new employee that was told she should lose weight.

And I am sure there are some situations I'll never even find out about. Not necessary though because on this topic, where there's smoke, there's fire.

I have made it to my 50s and have taken a zig zag road to the executive level ... sometimes compromising my own best self for continuity, and sometimes making things really hard on myself by standing my ground. Not perfect.

Now, I can leverage my current place in the world to fight.

Who loves this? A small number of executives that care about others more than their own accolades and success. Let's call them Group X (I am genX so I like this).

Who hates this? Everyone else. Let's call them Group BS (you get it).

It is inconvenient to personal progress.

Those Simon Sinek quotes that tell you that you are the problem? That guy gets speaking gigs and the like because Group BS loves this redirect. Read "Winners Take All" for a great breakdown of how this works.

It is awful people like Mary that are making you feel like you need some self-help books.

I am not saying we don't need to focus on ourselves to improve... we do. And I certainly embody this myself for anyone that knows my intense focus on my mantra that I want to be "better than I was yesterday".

However... (say that really loud)

It is like recycling. Do most of your plastic bottles you recycle simply get sent on a ship overseas to dump in the ocean? Yes. Like 91% of it (sorry for the buzzkill). Does that mean you shouldn't try to recycle as much as you can? No. How much of recycling responsibility reside with corporations versus you as an individual? Most of it. Does that mean you shouldn't try to recycle as much as you can? No.

In other words, how much of your barriers to success are because of you versus systematic barriers? Very little. Worth working on, but try not to fall victim to blaming yourself for it all. It is baked into the system. Mary is part of it.

I will do what I can in the fight.

It might keep me out of certain job, or limit my opportunities.

And that is the point. I'll do my best from here.

Maybe it is part of why I know every lyric to every song on Motley Crue's first two albums. There is fight in that music.

I suppose that's what I liked about it.

I am here for the fight.