Why an online group may be just what you need

A few months ago, I spoke at an event about the connections people are making in our online groups — how they are supporting each other and forming meaningful relationships. Afterward, a woman made her way to me and exclaimed, “What does it say about modern life that people have to go online to find that kind of support? That’s so depressing.”

In fact, it’s not depressing at all. What’s happening in our groups is compassionate, generous, raw and real. It’s encouraging that we can now find support online that we can’t find anywhere else. It speaks to the power of online communities when they tap into the best of us.

What’s happening in our groups is compassionate, generous, raw and real.

One year ago today, we launched OptionB.Org, an initiative aimed at helping people build resilience in the face of adversity. A core idea of Option B is the importance of social support; being part of a community can give us strength that we sometimes can’t find on our own. We already had firsthand experience with the power of groups because they are the heart of our other initiative, LeanIn.Org. There are now more than 36,000 Lean In Circles in 164 countries. The women in our Circles gather regularly in small groups to learn new skills together and cheer each other on.

From the start, we designed Option B groups differently. We wanted members to find support when they need it, from people who understand because they’ve been there themselves. Our groups are online instead of in-person, which makes it easier to bring together people with a diversity of experiences. It also removes the pressure to actively participate — it’s O.K. to just read and react to posts. And since the internet is open 24/7, our groups are too. If you need to get something off your chest at 3 a.m., our members are there to help.

A year later, the results have surpassed our wildest expectations. Option B groups give people a space to talk honestly about some of the most painful challenges anyone can face: losing a spouse or a child, receiving a devastating diagnosis, recovering from an assault, ending a marriage. While you may feel pressure to put on a happy face in front of family and friends, in the Option B groups, you can be completely real about your feelings, whatever they are. And they are making a difference: more than 90% of members attribute a positive outcome in their life to Option B.

Option B groups give people a space to talk honestly about some of the most painful challenges anyone can face.

One woman joined after losing her husband. When she decided to move out of the house that they shared, her family didn’t understand—but the people in her Option B group did and sent her reassuring messages every step of the way. Another woman posted just one month after her husband died. She had two boys and wanted advice on how to raise them on her own. Immediately, encouraging notes and practical advice from other single moms came rolling in. A third member recently posted a short message late at night, saying, “I just want to know that someone’s there right now. I feel really sad and alone.” Even at that hour, nearly 200 people responded.

Something significant is happening here, thanks to the power of shared experiences. When adversity strikes, even people with loving families and rich social lives often need to seek out people who know firsthand what they’re going through. Research illustrates that those who have faced adversity show greater compassion toward others who are suffering—and that when we focus on others, we can find motivation and perspective that is difficult to marshal on our own. Plus, when we discuss our problems with someone else, we make better decisions than when we try to navigate them alone.

Research illustrates that those who have faced adversity show greater compassion toward others who are suffering.

We’re also seeing the power of making a mutual investment. The interactions in Option B groups aren’t one-sided. They’re gratifying in both directions, as people give and take, share and learn, and grow together. For people who have been through something painful, it can be empowering to help lift someone else up. For someone needing a lift, it can be a relief to reach out for help without guilt or fear.

To anyone who thinks that online connections are intrinsically less meaningful or rewarding than in-person ones, we at Option B respectfully disagree. Sharing an experience with someone online can be just as impactful as seeking solace from a tried-and-true friend. Sometimes even more so. The internet makes it possible to find fellow travelers—people who have faced what you’re facing and felt what you’re feeling. That’s the opposite of depressing. It’s inspiring. And it’s happening in Option B groups every day.

Thank you to all our members for an incredible first year. We’re so proud to be building this community with you.

For more information, visit optionb.org.