Why Sex is a Taboo Subject in Christian Circles: Understanding and Overcoming the Silence

Dear Friends,

As a Clinical Christian Counselor, I often encounter the discomfort and silence surrounding the topic of sex within Christian circles. Despite its importance in marriage and personal well-being, sex is frequently regarded as a taboo subject. This avoidance can lead to misunderstandings, misinformation, bad secret habits and unnecessary shame. Let’s explore why sex is a taboo topic in Christian communities and how we can foster healthier, more open conversations about it.

Historical and Cultural Influences

1. Historical Church Teachings:

Historically, some church teachings have contributed to the perception of sex as inherently sinful or dirty. This view often stems from ascetic traditions that emphasized celibacy and viewed sexual desire as a distraction from spiritual purity. While the Bible does call for sexual purity, it also celebrates the beauty and sanctity of sex within marriage (Hebrews 13:4).

2. Cultural Conservatism:

Cultural conservatism within many Christian communities has also played a role in making sex a taboo subject. Modesty and privacy are highly valued, and discussing sex openly can be seen as immodest or inappropriate. This cultural norm can make it difficult for individuals to feel comfortable discussing sexual matters, even in appropriate contexts.

Misunderstandings and Misinterpretations

1. Misinterpretation of Biblical Teachings:

Some Christians may misinterpret biblical teachings on sexual purity and morality as implying that sex itself is shameful. However, the Bible celebrates sex as a gift from God designed for pleasure, intimacy, and procreation within the bounds of marriage (Song of Solomon 7:6-9). It is important to differentiate between sexual immorality and the healthy expression of sexuality in marriage.

2. Fear of Promoting Immorality:

There is often a fear that discussing sex openly could promote sexual immorality or promiscuity. However, silence can lead to a lack of proper education and understanding, increasing the risk of unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. Proverbs 4:7 emphasizes the importance of wisdom: "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

Consequences of Silence

1. Misinformation and Confusion:

When sex is not discussed openly, individuals may rely on inaccurate sources of information, leading to misunderstandings and confusion about sexuality. This can result in unrealistic expectations, shame, and anxiety.

2. Unaddressed Issues:

Couples who struggle with sexual issues may feel isolated and unable to seek help. This can lead to unresolved conflicts, decreased intimacy, and even marital breakdown. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us of the importance of support: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up."

3. Perpetuation of Shame:

Silence around sex can perpetuate feelings of shame and guilt, particularly if individuals have experienced sexual trauma or struggle with sexual sin. Creating a culture of openness and support can help individuals heal and grow.

Encouraging Healthy Conversations

1. Biblical Education:

Educate yourself and others about what the Bible truly says about sex. Emphasize that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 speaks to the mutual fulfillment of sexual needs within marriage: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."

2. Safe and Respectful Discussions:

Create safe spaces for respectful and honest discussions about sex. This can include premarital counseling, marriage retreats, and small group studies focused on healthy sexuality. Ephesians 4:15 encourages speaking the truth in love: "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

3. Professional Counseling:

Encourage those struggling with sexual issues to seek professional counseling. A trained counselor can provide a safe environment to address concerns and offer practical solutions. Proverbs 11:14 highlights the value of guidance: "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers."

4. Normalize the Conversation:

Normalize conversations about sex by including it in broader discussions about relationships, marriage, and health. This helps to demystify the topic and reduce the stigma associated with it.

Encouragement for Your Journey

Dear friends, sex is a significant aspect of human life and relationships, designed by God to be enjoyed within the context of marriage. By breaking the silence and fostering open, respectful conversations about sex, we can promote healthy attitudes and behaviors, support those in need, and honor God's design for sexuality.

Remember the words of 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." Let us honor God by promoting healthy, biblical understandings of sex and by supporting each other in our journeys.

With heartfelt encouragement,

Dr. Samuel Said

Clinical Christian Counselor