Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help?

I recently had surgery and it meant I had to ask for a lot of help, especially from my partner.  It got me thinking about how resistant I am to asking for help generally.  You could say I’m not good at asking for help.  I know that a lot of others have the same resistance.

For many women, especially those juggling demanding careers with family responsibilities, asking for help can feel daunting. We’re often praised for our multitasking prowess, our resilience, and our ability to “get it all done.” Yet beneath this high-achieving surface lies a powerful myth that asking for help is a sign of weakness—a belief that can make us hesitate to reach out when we truly need support. 

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “I’ve got this” or “I don’t want to burden anyone,” you’re not alone. The reality is that societal conditioning, self-imposed expectations, and the pressures of work and family often keep us from asking for help. Let’s unpack why it’s so difficult to ask for help, the hidden impact of not asking, and how making this simple shift can benefit you, your loved ones, and your career.

Why Is Asking for Help So Difficult?

1. We Fear Losing Control or Being Judged  

Many professional women have grown up believing that to succeed, they must be self-sufficient and capable at all times. In a world that often rewards independence, we internalize the idea that “strong” women handle everything on their own. Admitting that we need help can feel like acknowledging a gap in our abilities, which can lead to fears of being judged, or worse, seen as less capable. 

2. The “Superwoman” Complex  

Many of us are raised with the notion that we should be able to “do it all.” Between career demands, family needs, and social expectations, it’s easy to buy into the superwoman archetype. We believe that we should handle our careers, nurture our families, and still make time to volunteer, exercise, and socialize. When we ask for help, it can feel like we’re failing at being the person we’re supposed to be.

3. Fear of Burdening Others  

   For many women, especially those with children, the idea of adding to someone else’s plate can be uncomfortable. This hesitation often stems from empathy—we know that others are juggling their responsibilities, and we don’t want to impose. However, this mindset can lead us to bear heavy burdens alone, which isn’t sustainable in the long run.

4. The Subconscious Belief in Our Inadequacy  

Deep down, many professional women struggle with the idea of being “enough.” The subtle conditioning we receive—that we must work harder, do more, and never falter—keeps us from admitting that we need help. Uncovering this belief and reframing it is key to understanding why we struggle with asking for support.

The Hidden Costs of Not Asking for Help

When we refuse to ask for help, we pay a price—both personally and professionally. Here’s how not asking for support can undermine our wellbeing:

1. Increased Stress and Burnout  

Taking on everything ourselves may work in the short term, but over time, this approach wears us down. The constant pressure can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, impacting our ability to function at our best. Over time, this burnout often spills over into our relationships, leaving us feeling irritable, less patient, and disconnected from those we care about most.

2. Strained Relationships  

When we don’t ask for help, we can become resentful of those who don’t “step up.” However, our loved ones and colleagues can’t read our minds. By denying ourselves the support we need, we inadvertently create distance in our relationships and miss opportunities to build deeper connections.

3. Limited Career Growth  

Asking for help doesn’t just alleviate stress; it can also open doors to mentorship, collaboration, and skill-building. By refusing to seek support, we may hinder our career growth. Our reluctance can signal to others that we’re unwilling to delegate or collaborate, which may limit opportunities for advancement or teamwork.

How to Get Better at Asking for Help

1. Reframe Your Mindset Around Help  

Shift your perception of asking for help from a “last resort” to a strategic choice. Viewing help as a resource that fuels productivity and fulfillment, rather than as a weakness, can reshape your approach. Think of it as an opportunity to grow and to empower others to step up.

2. Set Clear, Specific Requests  

When you do reach out, be specific about what you need done and by when. For example, instead of asking your partner to “help more with the kids,” try, “Can you take the kids to school on Thursdays so I can focus on an early meeting?” Being clear reduces misunderstandings and increases the likelihood that others will respond positively.

3. Understand That Help Can Be Reciprocal  

   Asking for support can actually deepen relationships. When we allow others to help us, we invite a two-way street of giving and receiving. This shift can improve connections and foster an environment of mutual respect and empathy, especially at home and with colleagues.

4. Start Small and Celebrate Success  

   If asking for help feels uncomfortable, start with small requests. You might ask a coworker for feedback on a project or let a friend take on a task you usually manage. Over time, as you experience the benefits and realize that asking for help doesn’t diminish your value, your confidence in this skill will grow.

The Positive Impact of Asking for Help

When we overcome the resistance to ask for help, the benefits ripple outward:

1. Enhanced Wellbeing  

Imagine coming home from work with energy left over for family time, hobbies, and rest. Asking for help allows us to reserve our energy for what truly matters, reducing stress and enhancing our overall quality of life.

2. Strengthened Relationships  

By inviting others to support us, we foster an environment of trust and connection. Friends, family, and colleagues feel valued and appreciated when we allow them to contribute to our success. Asking for help can deepened bonds with coworkers and lead to stronger project outcomes.

3. Improved Work Performance  

At work, asking for help can lead to increased efficiency and collaboration. It signals to others that you’re open to input and recognize the strengths of your team. This willingness to delegate and seek support often builds respect and opens doors to leadership opportunities, as people appreciate your trust in their capabilities.

A Final Thought

Asking for help is a skill that can transform how we navigate both our personal and professional lives. Letting go of the superwoman myth and acknowledging that we’re stronger together than alone is a powerful shift. By reframing help as an empowering choice rather than a compromise, we open ourselves up to support, connection, and growth. Remember, it’s not about what you’re “supposed to” do; it’s about creating a life where you can thrive—without having to go it alone.