Why You Should Want a Savage Marriage
John Crossman, CCIM, CRX
President @ CrossMarc Services | Real Estate Investment
Putting the words savage and marriage together as a positive thing seems counterintuitive.
But when you listen to Phil and Priscilla Fretwell’s message, you’ll understand why it absolutely works.
Phil Fretwell was a mentor to me back in the early days of my business career. We reconnected a few years ago, and he has become an even stronger mentor today than he was decades ago. When he told me about the ministry he and his wife Priscilla had started and the book they wrote, I invited them to be on The Crossman Conversation.
Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction is an aggressive title for a book, but, Phil said, “Dealing with these topics, you have to be aggressive. This is not a ‘make it sound nice’ topic.”
Indeed it’s not.
In the book and through their Savage Marriage Ministries, Phil and Priscilla share with shocking candor the details of a marriage that was being torn apart by narcissism, arrogance, and an addiction to pornography—and how they and their marriage were saved when they ran (not just turned but ran) to God for help.
“None of us really want to go to the root of our problems, because in those roots, we would see that we have wounds that we need to address,” Priscilla said. “We were both wounded but we would never address the root of our wound. We were just staying superficial emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.”
From the outside, they looked like the perfect couple: successful in business, a beautiful family, active in their church. But their marriage was disintegrating. Then a friend told them about Whatever It Takes Ministries, and that was their turning point.
I asked them: If your marriage is troubled, if it’s lacking true intimacy and honesty, what’s the first step toward saving it?
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“Don’t bury it just with yourself,” Phil said. “We had a failed start at this. Ten years into our marriage, Priscilla found out I was looking at porn and we decided to bury it, keep it to ourselves. Then eighteen years later, it’s not just porn, it’s other things. And now we’ve got a gigantic problem.”
“It’s taking everything that’s in darkness and bringing it out into the light,” Priscilla said. “We lived fake lives for twenty-eight years and we don’t want to be fake anymore. We don’t want to wear the Christian-y mask and pretend that everything is okay. It’s not. We’re all hurting individuals.”
You might be shocked at some of the things Phil and Priscilla said. You might be able to relate. You’ll definitely be filled with admiration for what they’ve been able to accomplish for themselves and others by the grace of God. Listen to the conversation here:
John Martinez and I had a candid and sometimes painful conversation about Christianity, the church, and mental health. Hear it here:
John Crossman is the founder of Crossman Career Builders, the host of The Crossman Conversation, and the author of Career Killers Career Builders. Check out Crossman Career Builders on YouTube. Connect with John on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
John, thank you!